MrWolf

A little more progress (we both suffer from sleep problems but it's getting silly lately!) both chassis assembled, brakes on the crane and toolboxes built up for the match truck. If you are a colossal masochist like me and use three link couplings, do so before adding details to the underframes. Better still, fit them before glueing anything together but after you have satisfied yourself that everything is going to fit.

I have been lucky this time, finding a girl is relatively easy, hanging on to them is the hard part, especially when most people simply "don't get you". I never had a girlfriend when I was school age, my peers made certain of that, which was indescribably frustrating for me, as is had been very aware of the opposite sex since about the age of six, I kid you not. I had no idea what I wanted to do, I just knew I wanted to do a lot of it! Once I got into the sixth form, everything changed, all of a sudden I was able to start afresh. I had a whole new set of people around me and I was doing what I wanted to do as well as looking how I wanted to. All of a sudden I was considered interesting, I didn't follow fashion, even down to the car I drove and the bikes I rode. I was doing my own thing and that counts for a lot. I was married for a couple of years but the woman I married was only interested in money and getting away from her parents. (something that I have found in many people is that they are looking for a meal ticket. Despite this supposedly being the age of equality, there are plenty of people of both sexes who believe that all that they need to do is look good and everything else will come to them) I know it's an old cliché but be yourself is a good way to live, because YOU get to decide what yourself is. Fast forward a decade or three and I haven't changed that much, we don't like change do we? I have had a lot of fun despite some truly horrific times (hence the CPTSD,which might not have been so pronounced had I not had such a time as a child and developed normal social skills, still working on that!) You might laugh, you might think of me as a stereotype and I don't care if anyone does, but being a self employed artist with a chequered past, some interesting scars etc, riding around on a vintage motorcycle does tick quite a few of the female fantasy boxes and if you can back that up with some decency and integrity, life isn't too bad. I'm not wealthy or some tanned pretty boy, but for some reason I appeal to younger women, which I am not going to complain about! It's mostly about being honest and not worrying that someone might walk away from you. As soon as you try to be someone you're not, or appear needy, you've lost! If you meet someone, the best opening line is hello. As for the popular kids who we grew up with, looking back, the truth is often surprising. One class clown who we were all expected to believe had lost his virginity at 11, didn't actually lose it until he was 20. The girl in question came out and told everyone and his dog when they fell out. One of the guys that seemingly all the girls swooned over because he was so fashionably dressed yadda yadda came out as gay at 19. How we greasy Herbert's who had put up with him lording it over us at school laughed our heads off. As for those girls who were early bloomers who all the lads were supposed to fancy (an unwritten law it seemed) by the time they were 25 they were fat, 3 kids, drinking too much and not looking a day over forty. Life is a very strange thing and you may feel your path is set in stone, but it's never too late until they nail the lid down on your coffin.

CPTSD is the abbreviation for Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Regular post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is generally based around one event, anything from a car accident to a bomb attack. Complex PTSD is that caused by a series of connected events or ongoing trauma such as battle fatigue. Both of us suffer from it for reasons that I am not permitted or willing to discuss. What I can say is that CPTSD has amplified and modified the way that Aspergers affects us so that we don't fit the 'normal' patterns, if there is such a thing. For example, I can't go to my bed when I have an episode, it's the last place I could go. It's a place where rumination takes over and things only ever get worse. I tend to do the opposite, I will get on my motorcycle and go for a run. Concentrating on what I am doing tends to kill off the intrusive thoughts.

I still do one or two odd repetitive things, some of that actually staves off the CPTSD from my time spent working around some of the less touristy parts of the world. I don't think that I have shutdowns, I have a sort of drift and go over things that happened forty years ago or last week in obsessive detail, replaying events and trying to figure out what I should have said or done. I am prone to rage attacks which are always directed inwards, but I am not angry with myself. I find that it only happens when I am by myself, which is very odd. The people who are closest to me all know about it and tell me that they have never felt threatened. My other half who also suffers from CPTSD and some aspects of Aspergers says that one of the things that she likes most about me is that she feels safest around me. I do find that I get tired yet don't sleep very well, I find that if I keep busy, I stay alert and motivated. The problem often is getting that initial burst of energy and enthusiasm, then I am unstoppable. If I don't manage to get motivated, then I become more tired and demotivated. From what I have read, the only way to become motivated is to just get up and do it. If you think of something to do, get on with it and THEN think about how you feel, you will be motivated. If you think of something to do, then think about how you MIGHT feel having done it, you won't actually do anything. I wish I could always listen to my own advice! The shrink thought that this was part of my CPTSD but I told him that I have always had the problem. Teachers thought I was extremely intelligent and capable but LAZY. I hated that, because I am anything but lazy, but I couldn't explain it. Oh yes, I also ramble on a bit!

There was a whole lot of sharing of railway knowledge across America and Europe in both directions, I could bore you to death with information about stuff you probably already know!

Baaic floor of the match truck built up, bearings and wheels fitted. The floor ends need a little careful filing to ensure that the headstocks fit flush with the ends of the side frames. I find that with plastic wagon kits if those five parts are put together with care, the rest of the wagon will go together and run smoothly. When it comes to the crane, I expect that some fairly specialized swearing will be necessary.

I have learned through dealing in things as diverse as antique furniture and vintage motorcycles that just because something is old or rare, doesn't automatically mean that it is worth anything.

I guess I am lucky that I notice and control such things. I had a habit of repetition that drove me mad for about three years until I was about ten. If I bumped an elbow or anything like that (not at injury level, just regular stuff) , I would have to bump the other one at the SAME level, if I didn't think I got it right, I would do it again and again. If I had an itch on the back of the right finger, I would also have to scratch the corresponding part of the left finger. It drove me to distraction but I was convinced it would be 'bad luck' not to. On the up side, by the time I was 8 or 9, I had an above adult average reading age and there was nothing in the school for me to read and I began reading my late grandfathers old engineering and railway books, car manuals, radio repair books and a whole lot of other stuff. I outgrew my bicycle, so started building my own out of junk. I learned basic carpentry, built go carts and started using the ancient drilling machine and lathe in our garage. I found I had a talent for art and creative writing, model making and most things creative. That would have been fine had I not attended a rural state run school. If you are the slightest bit different, the other kids soon make you a pariah. The teachers were worse than useless. All bar a couple, they seemed to view me as hard work. I was always getting into fights and whenever I said anything I was told "Oh just keep away from them". It wasn't taken too well when the ten years old me turned round and replied "That's going to be hard, shut in here all day with them." If you're an outsider, you're an outsider with pretty much everyone. The average kids thought I was a smartass, the brainy kids thought I was a thug, as did the arty kids and if you didn't like football or weren't very good at it, well that marked you as a freak and probably a queer into the bargain. To the point where I got chucked out of PE at age 15 for another outburst. I wasn't paying attention during a soccer pep talk and the teacher singled me out, saying that any boy who didn't want to take part in football obviously had something wrong with him and would I rather go and play netball with the girls? I still remember what I said to him: "Excuse me sir, but whilst your star players have been giggling at each others knobs in the showers, some of us have been busy chasing girls and falling off motorbikes." I had already found that most people only wanted to know me when they wanted something doing and the social exclusion tended to twist my arm into getting taken advantage of, which really got me mad. These things follow you into adulthood which is a real drag and it's only been the last couple of years that I have managed to do anything much about it.

Just to clarify, the incident where a buyer failed to return an item but still got a refund was around 12 years ago, The buyer had also apparently got a tracking number. Probably spurious. One of the three items Hermes lost I got a refund on via the eBay seller, the second I didn't and at £7 wasn't really worth chasing. The third and most recent was an item I bought via a small ad in a vintage motorcycle club magazine. The seller is still trying to contact Hermes, as am I with no success. Their insurance, if that's what you can call it is only valid for 28 days. We have been trying to contact Hermes fir over two months.

I'll second that. Robert W.

Whatever it's called I do like the subtle weathering and the greased buffers on the Toad.

Sorry to see that not much has changed in twelve years since I had the same thing happen. Nice bit of feedback though!

Damn, the one I have doesn't have a gap, it must have been built wrong! Maybe that's why it was only £20?

very nice job! Wasn't there an article published on building that crane tank somewhere?

Your prize for finding the star buy was not the eBay item itself. That would have been more of a punishment! It looks like the sort of rubbish I usually find on allegedly restored motorcycles. Quite why people bodge together bits of random old wires on a motorcycle worth around £5000 when a complete new loom is around £40 is something that has mystified me for decades.

After the experiences that I have had, if anyone says to me anything belittling such as: "Look at me when I am talking to you!" It's unlikely to end well for them. To the point where the DWP would not push me into getting a job (despite the fact that I have always worked and travelled extensively in the course of my work) as they felt it would be detrimental to my mental wellbeing and the physical wellbeing of others. I work for myself, I have a SWMBO who also has CPTSD I do pretty much what I want (although motivational and executive decision issues affect both of us, we notice and kick each other up the backside.) and we get by because we know where each other is coming from. I explained it to the shrink with a joke that SWMBO and I share and it's still funny because it covers the frustration we often feel. How many Vietnam veterans does it take to change a light bulb? I don't know. How could you know? You weren't THERE man!

Well I scored 35, do I win something useful? When I was treated for CPTSD I was told that I was on the spectrum, but an official diagnosis was unlikely to be of any benefit as I am an adult. It would appear to be another one of those crappy hands of cards dealt to some of us by a fun loving god. Sorry I can't offer any positives.

Not only overpriced crap but broken too! We have a winner!!! Step forward Mr Hroth and claim your prize!

That might explain the mystery of the engine shed door getting knocked off!

Looks more like he used a fork to me.

This was the bloke who thought he would avoid building any more wagons! Admit it, you're hooked! That wagon really is looking good. I have set aside some time tomorrow to make a start on mine. It's obvious that I am going to have to get another airbrush. What type do you use?

Arty farty's need beating. If they hadn't been the arrogant, passive aggressive, judgemental dorks they are and given Hitler a place at art college, the world could have avoided a whole heap of trouble.

I once actually heard: "It's not about the marks that I make upon the canvas, they are secondary, almost irrelevant. It's about the THOUGHT BEHIND the marks I make..." A large portion of me wanted to respond with a piece of performance art whilst making the statement: "It's not about the marks that I am making by beating you with this motorcycle chain, they are secondary, a bonus. It's the ANNOYANCE CAUSED by the fact that you THINK that we believe your pretentious bol&@#%s..."

Shirley!

No doubt the Guardian arts columnist will recommend the perpetrator / artist for the Turner prize and this doof will walk off with £25,000. Tracey Emin should be scared and not just every time she passes by a mirror...