HeeleyBridge

Weetabix crumbs are a nightmare, I'm forever getting shouted at, but there are worse things. My name is Dave and I throw things. I spend a lot of time retrieving kitchen utensils, teabags, pies, sausages and other similar sized objects from around the kitchen. I also make a good job of coating everything in sight in sugar, coffee, nesquick milkshake powder. I'm also very good at dropping 2litre milk cartons. My hands are lethal weapons, I have no control over them at times. Looking at the stars around here is difficult, as the level of light pollution is very high. When I was young we used to go across the road into the park and avoid the park patrol motorcycles (Triumph Saints) to set my friend's small telescope up in the bowling green.

We've all been up all night watching for Klingons the stars, we have to sleep all day to be ready for tonight.

bad bad boys...

Just arrived back, only rained for about 5 minutes on the way to the fish & chip emporium for a spot of lunch, but it's not Bridlington without rain. The service was nice and Mum caught up with her last remaining cousin for a chat, their first in seven years. Found out my Aunt was railway mad and spent a lot of time at the NRM. Go figure, I wish I'd known before.. Thanks for your thoughts chaps, they are appreciated.

Crikey Jeff, that's a big un. Well, scrubbed up, beard brought under control. Suited and booted and waiting for sister taxi to Bridlington. Here's hoping for good weather and an uneventful, peaceful day.

Oops ..

Having been outside and screamed (scaring more than one elderly neighbour), partaken of a Glenfiddich Special Reserve bracer, I'm going to lie down for an hour. Larry's ripping his track up again!!!

We suddenly started getting annoying phonecalls just after Christmas. It started off slowly but quickly built to dozens a day, and sometimes night. Short of turning the phone off there was no peace. Mum had the same problem last summer and my sister got her a phone that blocked the phonecalls, so I decided to do the same. So I went and bought a set of BT 8500 telephones. Best £50 I've spent in a long while. Not a single unwanted call since February 23rd. * see below My sister, sister-in-law, my daughter and two daughter-in-laws all go around with phone in hand, bumping into wall, doors, furniture and people while "updating" each other and friends on every flipping move they make. SWMBO has no interest, but spends inordinate amounts of time just phoning or being phoned. The blokes go down the pub and have a chat once in a blue moon and are more than happy to remain ignorant on the whole

What has always made me smile about "social media" is the way sheeple sign up, give away all their personal details and then ... they decide it's not for them / too intrusive and close their account. At that point they realise that they can't actually delete their personal data because it belongs to Mr Gutterpress or whoever. Who did they think it belonged to? Nah, surely not. So, Farcebook, Gurgle, Micros**t, et al - you can kiss my situpon, like Jon Snow, you know nothing. Yours, Theophillus Woolmer Fletcher Dipsomaniac and Bar Purveyor of Parrot Droppings to His Majesty King Edward VII

I don't use *rsebook nor do I tw*t. Leave that to the kiddiewinks I think. Can't help with the Canons Jeff, my last ones were steam powered A1 and F1s a long time ago. It's been an interesting afternoon in the lounge though, maybe it wiĺl stir the blood and a few of us will start emulating Andy and getting something started.

Our drummer / fiddle player was the percussionist with a very well known brass band. He also taught music and drums at my old school. Three of the band were teachers. It was very interesting on long drives to gigs. Speaking of which .. In 2003(ish) our band had a gig at a pub in Trimdon (up in Jeff country), the Bird In Hand. Somewhere though Fishburn and in a long dip in the road the queue of cars all pulled out and passed a JCB that had been holding them up. Following the other cars, our illustrious leader pulled out. Said large yellow machine without warning lurched into the middle of the road, turning right without signalling. Interesting Physics fact : An object at rest stays at rest and an object in motion stays in motion with the same speed and in the same direction unless acted upon by an unbalanced force. JCB 1 Rover 0 .. Backactor though drivers side a-post windscreen and stopped 6" short of Leader's head. Very, very lucky indeed. Leader jumps out of car and shouts to JCB driver "any damage to yours mate?". Young lady says "I've never been in a car crash before". Luckily apart from some cuts to our hands, there were no injuries. The gig went very well, the locals having tied large yellow balloons to the mic stands labelled "AIR BAG" and asking "What's LARGE, YELLOW and you can't miss?" at every opportunity. **all names withheld to protect the vulnerable ©2015 Tales from the Real Asylum

Bill, My youngest bought himself a standard telecaster with the money my dad left him. He was 10 then and was trusted by the guys in at least three bands to play their guitars. When he got his own, I got mine back. He's never practised, just picks the thing up plays whatever he's thinking of and puts it down again. I wish I could ever have done that! He's never bothered with bands (other than rolling up, playing a tune and wandering off again). His own sons are eyeing his guitar longingly now. Come to think of it, he took to fishing the same way, like his mother, he can catch fish out of an empty bucket. He finds tenners in the street where I find lose pennies. Hmm..

It takes some time to measure the real one. It must be taking him a while to measure the real one. He set of with a ball of string and a six inch rule, a bag of butterscotch and a bottle of IrnBru.

We had a PT teacher who delighted in giving everybody a number, all double figure, which you had to remember for the term. At the beginning of each gym lesson, this number would be inscribed on your chest and back with his thumbnail. He used a plimsole on whatever part of a boy was close enough, it was known as his perfect persuader. I always got number 88, cause I was a cheeky little lad, besides which it became a badge of honour with all of us (wiwerrardwicudteckit). Another of his favourite games was "head the medicine ball". One dark night in a late night drinking establishment he met up with about a dozen old boys, now in their 20s. The outcome was one very embarrassed shirtless, numbered gym teacher. Happy days.

Good old Quo. I first saw them at Sheffield City Hall just before my birthday in 1973. It was a really good night out for about a quid (including chips on the way home!) The craziest gig I ever went to was Hawkwind, again at the City Hall. The whole place was in darkness. The only thing you could see on stage were the amps, decorated with luminous green symbols. The drummer held an ordinary torch on his head like a searchlight every so often. We never saw the band all night, they may just have been playing a record through the PA. The fire eater set the stage on fire, melted cables and held everything up for ten minutes. The dancer was ... The first album I ever bought was Showcase - Buddy Holly. Got it second hand from Violet May's, which was the best record shop in Sheffield, she had everything or knew where to get it. This of course led to the Stratocasters

I'm down to just a few now Andy. I gave my baby jumbo electro acoustic to my grandson when he went to uni last year. Several electrics have been sold along wiith amps, so at a quick tally I now have just two strats, a 1995 Japanese 54 and a 2006 Classic Player 50s, plus a mandola, a couple of mandolins and a nice old 1979 Hohner P Bass. A Fender Princeton of uncertain (1960s) age (tube, too loud to use regularly) and a Roland Micro cube. Arthritis cuts down how much I can play though, sometimes I can't even lift a strat, but I'm really too attached to them to let any more go. Thanks Jim, I'm sure I can find it. No doubt little sister will have satnav so we could finish up anywhere

Answers on a postcard to Erich Von Daniken ...

Given how vast space is, I'll quite happily accept that there must be other life somewhere. Given how small our actual knowledge of anything is, that life being more intelligent than"us" is not hard to accept, as I'm not convinced there's intelligent life on this planet. Well and truly disgusted discussed.

Morning all. Thanks for your thought Jock. Unfortunately the Bridlington branch of the family consists of my Aunt's grandson, a very nice lad in his 20s. My Aunt had three kids, the eldest boy died of asthma just after passing his 11 plus. His younger brother died at 26, cancer of the pituitary, very nasty. Her daughter died of a massive stroke at the age of 41, leaving my aunt to raise her son. She made a fine job of raising him and in his turn he has been looking after his Gran for the last 8 years since my Uncle died. Mum's not taken it too badly, she seems ok this morning. She and her sister used to be very close, but since the move to Brid they've kept in touch by phone on a birthdays and important events basis really. Distance does take the edge off these things. Anyhow, the funeral is all arranged for Monday afternoon and my sister has offered to drive us up there, which is another weight off my mind, as Mum is quite frail these days. All I have to do now is tell my sister how far out of Bridlington the East Riding Crematorium is. The last time I drove there from Brid (For my uncle's funeral) I though I was going to finish up in Pickering! Have a good day all, I'm under orders to move some guitars or suffer dire consequences ...

We built our first computer from a kit. Been programming ever since. I don't even want to think how much Visual Studio cost me, plus all the latest versions of Windows I've had to get in order to keep up to date / get ahead. Some of my stuff has been running since 3.11 for workgroups and has been updated/upgraded/completely rewritten over the years. The last updates were to fix what Windows 8 broke. All that has stopped now. I happily longer offer support and I haven't done any programming at all this year. Some of the web stuff I wrote 10 years ago is still going, found it by accident the other day. I always loved maps. My Grandad gave me a set of maps when I was about ten. Each map was about 8" x 10" double sided and about 80 were contained in a red leather wallet. The best thing was that they were from 1919 and showed pre grouping railways. I wish I knew what happened to them. I forgot to hit post before I went to answer the phone. Just found out that my last remaining aunt (Mum's sister) died last night, she hadn't been fighting fit for a while. Will have to check out arrangements for heading up to Bridlington for the funeral. I Just hope my cousin's son doesn't arrange it for Mum's 83rd birthday next week. So now I'm off to make sure mums all right.

The consensus at the moment is that when you "upgrade" to Windows 10, your existing key will be transferred and linked to key components of your machine. When you reinstall your carefully made image, it may will no longer be a valid copy. At this point you will no longer have Windows 10, nor a valid copy to upgrade. My own worries are that although my laptop will run Windows 10 without batting an eyelid, Windows 10 may not like it's proprietory drivers, so I may finish up with a machine that overheats (happened with Win 7 until T*shiba got the message). Same problems with Linux at times too. This is the first Micros**t OS since NT4 I haven't had all the way through development and pre release. I have no desire to upgrade to a mobile phone operating system that relies on cloud storage and logon to my own private computer. If you want it, wait and buy a disk. Dual boot. Micros**ft needs satnav cause it couldn't find it's own harris without a google map, Bings are useless, Apple's could be a start chart or a pop chart - nobody knows. I'm having a bad day, does it show?

While I'm still grumbling ... WHO sneaked this ADVERTISEMENT for WINDOWS 10 onto my taskbar. I never downloaded any of those URGENT updates. I sometimes wonder who bought and paid for this computer, me or the @*$&ing Gates Foundation. *Normal service will be resumed after protein, caffeine and nicotine.

No kidding. Lit up like a Christmas tree and making noise like dogs barking 24 / 7. Let's face it Planet Earth must me the Bar Steward at the Neighbours From Hell Club. Never mind, we'll all be gone soon and the planet will have plenty of time to recover before the sun goes out.

Morning all, Is this Early Risers? Ooopsie. Must be the fog from Jeff's bubbling curry disorientating me.

So nice to see Sheffield as it was, not as it is now, half of what was in the film has gone.