luckymucklebackit

Suffragette City - David Bowie

Once more England win a World Cup due to an error by the officials! Back in 66, Tofiq (should have gone to Specsavers) Bahramov gifts England a goal to help them to a dodgy win over the poor Germans, then at Lords some weird misinterpretation of the rules gifts England the one vital extra run that in the end makes all the difference. Wouldn't be an England Victory without a bit of controversy!

Show Biz Kids - Steely Dan

Four Sticks - Led Zeppelin

Three bins - luxury! I have five bins in an access passage about the same size as the OP - Three full size (brown for garden waste, blue for plastics and metal and green for general waste) and two about three quarter size (Grey for paper and cardboard, black with a purple lid for glass)!!! Jim

When your little darlings ask if Unicorns a real......

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away." The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?" "Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet.. "How can you be so sure?" she protested.. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something." The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room. The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck." The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.. The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$1,500!" she cried,"$1,500 just to tell me my duck is dead!" The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $1,500."

Not sure if this is the correct thread to post this but I'm posting this with a heavy heart.. As much as I love having my model railways, it takes up too much of my time and I am struggling to keep up with the everyday basics such as cleaning and maintaining my home, so something has to give. I will be re-homing my collection Please don't ask any questions, as I can't handle talking about it. Below is a list of what's available. All FREE of charge, but to good homes only. Serious inquiries only please. Thanks for reading and understanding... 1. Dustpan and brush 2. Sponges 3. Dusters 4. Mop and bucket 5. Window cleaner 6.Hoover 7. Dishwashing liquid 8. Laundry detergent 9. Fabric softener 10. Laundry baskets 11. Toilet brush 12. Cleaning sprays 13. Scrubbing brushes

Justice has been served! There's been some scumbag called Callum (known to his friends as Cal) going round breaking in to people's houses near me for months, but the police can't catch him. The weirdest thing about it all, is he was breaking into people's houses and ruining their washing machines by putting bricks in to them & turning them on while helping himself to whatever he wanted!!!!! Really weird if you ask me... Anyway, just read that he was found dead in an alley coz of a drug overdose.. It's never nice hearing of someones death, but on the bright side, washing machines live longer with Cal gone

Empty Spaces - Pink Floyd

Well! Just walk on by then!!

A recently discovered and little known fact about England Footballer Danny Welbeck is that during WW2 his grandfather was a bomb disposal expert..... ...called Stan

Black Sabbath used to work for me

On a Storytellers Night - Magnum

Thank God for the USA, the BBC had the hype meter set to full on the 6 o'clock news with at least one reference to an event way back in 1966, an England success would have made the rest of the week intolerable for non-English members of the UK

The last connection with the old town station was disconnected as recently as 2015 (or thereabouts) and much of the old yard still exists including the remains of the old locomotive depot, unfortunately the "Town" station is not physically that much nearer the centre of Stranraer than the Harbour station, I think the option that was being considered was to truncate the branch short of the existing station with a single platform closer to Port Roade, this would probably spell the end of excursion services. The biggest problem is that all the masterplans and studies take so long to formulate that they are overtaken by commercial reality in a very short time. Jim

Going to California - Led Zeppelin

That is what tunnels are for, new locos and stock should be stabled in tunnels or hidden loops for a period of a few weeks following exhibitions etc.

Well if you got through that one... I just asked siri “Surely it won’t rain today”? She said “it will, and don’t call me shirley” ...forgot to take my phone off airplane mode. Two rednecks are out in the woods hunting deer when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls 911. He gasps: "Ah think muh friend Cleetus is dead! Whut can ah do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, make sure he's actually dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now whut?" I have began reading a horror novel in braille. something bad’s going to happen, i can feel it.

OK those were the short ones, are you sitting comfortably..... A man wakes up in a dingy slum, with no memory of how he got there. He wanders around aimlessly before he finds even one person who will talk to him. Some ratty beggar on the street turns out to be nice enough to explain where he is. "You're in the afterlife!" he tells the man, "But you must have been a real lowlife when you were alive, because this is the fourth ring, and only the worst people come here." All of a sudden, a siren goes off, one of those air-raid things. The man is terrified but the beggar gets up calmly and leads him to a big, dilapidated warehouse where thousands of other similarly unkempt souls are gathering. When the man asks why they're all here, the beggar points to a line of folding tables against the wall. Each table has some moldy bread, cups of dingy water, and some bowls of broth so thin they could have just run out of cups. Only then does the man realize how hungry he is. A guard in heavy body armor blows a whistle and all the people arrange themselves into three lines. The beggar is helpful enough to explain them for the man. "That one's the bread line, that's the broth line, and that's the water line. All the food here is free, but if you want to get out of this maggot hole, you've got to work, because the gate guards into the third ring ask five hundred dollars to get through. I've heard the food is better there."  So the man gets his food. It's abominable, and right then and there, he vows to make five hundred dollars and get into the third ring. Unfortunately for him, very few people need work in the afterlife, especially when all of them are saving up to emigrate. Even still, after ten years of hard work, eating the moldy bread and indistinguishable soup and water, he finally saves up enough money. The guards let him through and he finds himself in the third ring. It's nothing too fancy, if anything, it's a bit below average for a real city, but to his eyes it is paradise. All the guards look much friendlier, and the houses and buildings, while not spacious or lavish, are at least up to code. And to his surprise, he runs right into a familiar former beggar as he crosses the street. "What are the odds?" they both ask and they get to conversing. The beggar, it turns out, only managed to make it in himself a few months back. Their conversation is interrupted, however, by what sounds like a school bell. When the man seems confused, the beggar leads him to what looks like a giant gymnasium. Here, people are gathering once again, and the man begins to understand. On a line of folding tables against one wall are stacks of hot dogs, big bowls of salad, and solo cups full of fresh lemonade. A cop shouts for everyone's attention and directs them all to stand in three lines. The beggar smiles at the man's wonder and points to each line in turn. "That's the hot dog line, that's the salad line, and that's the lemonade line." The man gets in each line in turn and gets himself his lunch. While he's eating, basking in joy at not being stuck with old bread and water, the beggar encourages him, "The best part is, halfway through the year, they switch from hot dogs, salad, and lemonade to chicken, chili, and hot chocolate. You can never get tired of it!" Sadly, this proved not to be true. After only a few days, the man did again get tired of the same meal every day. But he knew firsthand that he could change his lot, so one day he went up to the wall of the second circle. This time the guards were asking for ten thousand dollars. Well, the man didn't like it, but he figured he had his whole afterlife ahead of him now that he was out of the fourth circle, and he could certainly take some time to save up. After ten years of hard work, it wasn't too difficult for him to keep up the work ethic, and only twenty years later, he went back to the guards of the second ring with the money in hand. He went through the gate and found himself in a glittering, clean city full of glass and steel. And wouldn't you know it, but there, standing across the street was the same beggar, only now he was wearing a well-fitted suit. The man greeted the beggar as an old friend and they started talking again. Once again, their conversation was interrupted, only this time it was by beautiful church bells. "Come," the beggar told him, "I'll take you to the evening meal." So the man followed and they entered a glamorous ballroom filled with beautiful attendees. Even the cops here looked good, dressed in suits and sunglasses like bodyguards. And sure enough, piled onto platters on huge mahogany tables against the far wall were plates of steak, bowls of the most delicious seafood soups, and glasses of champagne. One of the bodyguards cleared his throat loudly and politely requested that the attendees line up. Three lines were formed and the beggar pointed each line out in turn. "That's the steak line, that's the soup line, and that's the champagne line," and then he added, "and apparently here, they change the meals FOUR times a year!" The man rejoiced, ate, and was happy, and for once felt that nothing was lacking. Four changes a year was enough for him. But one day, out of curiosity, he went up to the bodyguards that guarded the gate into the first and final ring of the afterlife and found they were asking for a million dollars to pass. Well the man was a bit disturbed by this, after all, the second ring seemed perfect to him. "What is it," he thought, "that could possibly be more wonderful than what I have here?" That question haunted him for weeks until he came to a conclusion. He was used to working hard and he had all of eternity to save up, so he wanted, just once to see what he could possibly be missing in the first ring. Fifty years later, he returned to the guards with a million dollars. When he stepped into the first ring he fell to his knees. The architecture was glorious and inhuman, and the bodyguard had turned into shining angels. To his surprise, someone helped him up off the street and when he looked, he realized he recognized who it was--it was the beggar he met in the fourth ring, adorned in a golden robe and glowing, and when he looked down at himself he realized he looked much the same. The beggar laughed jovially. "I got here only three years ago myself, but somehow I knew you would be right here behind me. I've come back to this gate every day waiting for you to make it in!" Suddenly, the air was filled with the sound of angelic choirs and the beggar led the man off to a gigantic palace made of crystal and cloud. The room was filled with radiant citizens of the first circle and angels prepared everything. Sure enough, there was a line of massive altars against one wall, spilling over with glistening golden dragon meat, a pudding refined from clouds and dew and silk, and an ice cold tub of ambrosia and nectar ladled out individually into blindingly beautiful crystalline chalices. An angel fluttered from the ceiling and bowed silently to the assembled mass, who bowed respectfully back and then broke themselves into their lines on their own. Smiling at the tradition, the beggar pointed to the first line. "That's the line for the dragon meat," he said before turning to the next line, "and that's the line for angeldust stew," then he paused, confused. "What is it?" the man asked his old friend. The beggar replied, "There appears to be no punchline."........

I met a Slovakian sound engineer last week. I met a Czech one too. Told my butcher I would bet him £100 if he could reach the sirloins he keeps on the top shelf. He said he wasn’t taking the risk as the steaks were too high. Yorkshireman walks into the vet's and says, "I've come about me cat." The vet says, "Is it a tom?" The man says, "No, I've brought it wi' me." Guy standing on one leg at an ATM outside the bank looking a bit agitated. Asked him if he was ok. Said he was just checking his balance.

Watching the Scotland Womens team is exactly like watching the mens team, lots of hype and expectation followed by inevitable disappointment cumulating in one last heroic failure to reach the next stage, flicked over last night just as Argentina scored their first, and knew immediately that it was over. At least the girls made it to the finals.....

Just to update this very old post that I made, but I can confirm that Dunaskin is still very much connected to the National Network, and that they have obtained a lease from the owners of the branch (Hargreaves) to operate the part of the branch south from Dunaskin towards their old base at Minnevey, I understand from their Facebook page that 2019 operations will run as far as a farm crossing about a mile south of the centre. Jim