luckymucklebackit

I had a giggle at the supportive article in the BBC news, https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/newsbeat-49479847. My club, Airdrie were the big bad new owners that bought Clydebank and moved it to another town and renamed it, but the comment that Clydebank were "a massive football club and a massive football heritage." is a whopper of an overstatement, what we effectively bought was their league position as they had no stadium, no players and a trickle of fans, hardly a massive club, and as for a massive football heritage, they had only been in existence since 1965 and in their 37 years in the league only ever won one Second Division Championship. Airdrie United Ltd agreed to voluntarily transfer their unwanted ownership of the name and insignia of Clydebank F.C. to United Clydebank Supporters who successfully applied to join the Junior League.

https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&source=images&cd=&ved=2ahUKEwihkYC-qaPkAhXEs1kKHZQtA6oQjRx6BAgBEAQ&url=https%3A%2F%2Fimgur.com%2Fgallery%2FNegII&psig=AOvVaw3EraGEMjU5mbYAMLfYRZLV&ust=1567004633127258

Misty Mountain Hop - Also Led Zeppelin

Coming soon - the ultra cheap version driven by elastic band, deluxe version with hamster in wheel

On a bitterly cold winter morning a husband and wife were listening to the radio during breakfast. They heard the announcer say, “We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snow ploughs can get through”. So the good wife went out and moved her car. A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said, “We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snow ploughs can get through”. The good wife went out and moved her car again. The next week they are again having breakfast, when the radio announcer says, “We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park….” Then the electric power went out. The good wife was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she said, “I don’t know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snow ploughs can get through?” Then with the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married to blondes exhibit, the husband replied, “Why don’t you just leave the bloody car in the garage this time”?

Immediately thought of Father Ted

Personally I never really "got" HS2, I failed to understand why Euston was to be the southern terminal so that it would not be integrated with HS1 and then ending it at some terminal in Birmingham equally remote from "traditional" connecting services, I felt it was a bit like making Gatwick the hub for all domestic air travel and Heathrow for all International. The French and German high speed networks all have dedicated fast routes, but these merge with the old network to allow the trains to run into the existing city centre stations. If we were going to spend bit money on new routes, would have preferred to see a "HS-F" a large loading gauge spine freight line capable of taking all freight from the SE and Channel Tunnel, so instead of the HGVs unloading at Dover, keep them on the trains to distribution depots at Daventry, Warrington, Mossend and other hubs, (this is the model that the Swiss are following), it would help to meet the environmental aims that we are supposed to be striving for and would have a benefit of clearing freight from the WCML and a good bit of the motorway network, Things will always need to be transported, people less so, we have a very advanced communication network that includes video conferencing, people should be discouraged from travelling unless they absolutely need to be where they are going - "is your journey really necessary" and all that. Jim

Assuming it is cancelled completely, would the current urban clearance around Euston be turned over to Network rail to expand the "traditional" network or sold back to the highest bidder for property development. The more I typed this question the more the answer became obvious!

Throw Down the Sword - Wishbone Ash

I put my hearing in for repair about two months ago, haven't heard anything since! Taylor Swift has written about 200 songs about guys leaving her and no songs about making love! Think she would have worked it out by now?

Bloke from Barnsley suffering from piles walks into a Chemist and asks “ Nah then lad , does tha sell arse cream ?” Chemist replies “Aye Lad, Magnum or Cornetto ? “

Life in Northern Town - Dream Academy

Only if it is an Ent.

You should have heard their initial reaction!

The runners up were as follows, none of which are really side splitters..... "Someone stole my antidepressants. Whoever they are, I hope they're happy" - Richard Stott "What's driving Brexit? From here it looks like it's probably the Duke of Edinburgh" - Milton Jones "A cowboy asked me if I could help him round up 18 cows. I said, 'Yes, of course. - That's 20 cows'" - Jake Lambert "A thesaurus is great. There's no other word for it" - Ross Smith (I have heard variations of this one before) "Sleep is my favourite thing in the world. It's the reason I get up in the morning" - Ross Smith "I accidentally booked myself onto an escapology course; I'm really struggling to get out of it" - Adele Cliff "After learning six hours of basic semaphore, I was flagging - Richard Pulsford "To be or not to be a horse rider, that is Equestrian" - Mark Simmons "I've got an Eton-themed advent calendar, where all the doors are opened for me by my dad's contacts" - Ivo Graham

Jumpin' Jack Flash - The Rolling Stones

Super Soccer by chance https://www.pinterest.co.uk/pin/464293042804378998

It's the equivalent of the paradox in my signature, very common in online official documents "this page intentionally blank" but with that written on the page it is not blank, someone has typed "this page intentionally blank" on it, intentionally ! Jim

It was tried in the either the Scottish League Cup or the Drybrough Cup, a line was extended from the 18 yard box to each touchline and the offside rule only applied between that line and the goal line edit to correct and add Wikipedia description - "The Drybrough Cup was a Scottish annual football tournament. It was held from 1971 until 1974, and was revived from 1979 to 1980. It was open to the four highest-scoring teams from Division 1, and the four highest-scoring teams from Division 2. The format allowed the tournament to have three rounds: first round, semi-final and final. The tournament was held in the week preceding the commencement of the league season The tournament was first conceived because the Scottish Football Association would not permit existing competitions to have a title sponsor. The Drybrough brewery got around this regulation by inventing a new competition bearing their name. In the 1972, 1973 and 1974 Drybrough Cups, an experimental version of the offside law was operated. " Jim

Your so Vain - Carly Simon

Holy Smoke - Iron Maiden

Sadly you won't be able to stay in that hotel any more as it is literally falling down, sheathed in protective scaffolding and plastic it has an extremely uncertain future. Jim

The Mafia have a deaf and dumb accountant and one day discover that he has been embezzling funds. They bring in an interpreter who knows sign language so they can question him. The Boss says, "Ask him what he's done with the money." The interpreter puts the question to the accountant, who signs back, I don't know what you're talking about. I haven't taken any money! The interpreter tells the Boss, "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about." The Boss says, "Don't give me that! There's nearly a quarter of a million dollars missing. You're going to tell me where it is!" Again the interpreter puts this to the accountant, who signs I tell you, I don't know anything about any missing money! The interpreter tells the Boss, "He's still denying it!" The Boss draws his gun and puts the barrel against the accountant's head. "Tell him he has three seconds to come clean or I pull the trigger!" The interpreter tells this to the accountant, who looks terrified and signs All right! All right! I admit it! The money is hidden in a trunk in a cabin in the woods, right by the bend in the river! And the interpreter tells the Boss, "He says you haven't got the guts to pull the trigger and you can go to Hell!"

Someone will make a mint out of that idea!