Steamport Southport Posted December 29, 2022 Share Posted December 29, 2022 I bet it goes like a rocket... 1 5 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steamport Southport Posted December 31, 2022 Share Posted December 31, 2022 If an Earl gets honoured in the New Years Honours list and gets an OBE does that mean he's an Earlobe? 2 1 2 9 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium J. S. Bach Posted December 31, 2022 RMweb Premium Share Posted December 31, 2022 GROAN!!!! 4 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Popular Post Colin_McLeod Posted December 31, 2022 Author RMweb Gold Popular Post Share Posted December 31, 2022 2 22 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Hroth Posted December 31, 2022 RMweb Gold Share Posted December 31, 2022 And here's my last Cracker Joke for 2022 Its another Dingbat. Q: OUCH AARGHH A: Growing pains Highlight the answer if stumped. 1 5 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
jcredfer Posted December 31, 2022 Share Posted December 31, 2022 5 hours ago, Colin_McLeod said: Is the second any different - given the mind set of those who mis-interpret the first? 😆 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
CameronL Posted December 31, 2022 Share Posted December 31, 2022 (edited) I know the above has been on here before, but yesterday I showed it to my brother, who's a big Country fan. Then on the drive home this started forming.... My Smart Truck Upped and Left Me For Another Chorus My smart truck upped and left me for another. But now she's gone I just have to agree Though I really did my best I just couldn't pass the test My truck was more intelligent than me. When I saw her in the showroom I was smitten A real case of truck love at first sight Seeing all her gleaming chrome Made me want to take her home And give her a good buffing every night And the salesman asked “Y’all ever owned a smart truck?” I said “No, I’ve had a Jeep or two.” He just smiled and shook his head Looked me up and down and said “I think we’d best deliver her to you.” Chorus So they brought her round and left her on my driveway With a manual, and before they drove away I asked “How d’you turn her on?” They said “That’s page 1-4-1. Start reading now. You might get there today.” So I tried my best to understand that manual But reading it just made me feel a jerk 'Cos the language was absurd Seemed like each and every word Was translated from Korean – by a Turk Chorus And I couldn’t use the vocal recognition She didn’t seem to like my Southern drawl And that really was no good She’d say “Not understood.” If I started any sentence with “Y’all.” So I plugged her in when I should have unplugged her Switched her off when I should have left her on Yes, I treated her so bad That it made my smart truck sad ‘Til she couldn’t take no more, and now she’s gone. Chorus Well, I woke up one morning same as always. I found her gone, and I just wondered why She’d left me all alone And I found there on my ‘phone A text that said “Can’t take no more. Goodbye.” So now I’m all alone without my smart truck I'm thinking that mebbes our love was cursed. Though she'd sensors all around Seems they didn't pick up "Hound" 'Cos she ran over my dog when she reversed. Chorus Last Chorus Well, my smart truck upped and left me for another And when she left, she drove away my heart. Mebbes I'll have more luck With an old Ford pickup truck ‘Cos just like me that -truck - ain’t - ve- ry - smart. Edited April 21 by CameronL Changed a bit 2 4 7 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steamport Southport Posted December 31, 2022 Share Posted December 31, 2022 You've not said anything at all about mama Or trains, or trucks, or prison, or getting' drunk...... 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
CameronL Posted December 31, 2022 Share Posted December 31, 2022 45 minutes ago, Steamport Southport said: You've not said anything at all about mama Or trains, or trucks, or prison, or getting' drunk...... How remiss of me - So, I stole my mama's truck to go out drinking And the Judge, he put me on the prison list. When I hear those trains roll by I just hang my head and cry 'Cos a smart car takes you home if you get p*ssed. 4 5 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
F-UnitMad Posted December 31, 2022 Share Posted December 31, 2022 1 hour ago, CameronL said: the above has been on here before, but yesterday I showed it to my brother, who's a big Country fan. Then on the drive home this started forming.... My Smart Car Upped and Left Me For Another Ah, yes... "If it ain't suicidal, it ain't Country." 🙄🙄🤢🤢 1 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Dunsignalling Posted December 31, 2022 RMweb Gold Share Posted December 31, 2022 You left out the bit about the car running over his ole houndog as it departed. 2 8 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
CameronL Posted December 31, 2022 Share Posted December 31, 2022 1 hour ago, Steamport Southport said: You've not said anything at all about mama Or trains, or trucks, or prison, or getting' drunk...... 7 minutes ago, F-UnitMad said: Ah, yes... "If it ain't suicidal, it ain't Country." 🙄🙄🤢🤢 5 minutes ago, Dunsignalling said: You left out the bit about the car running over his ole houndog as it departed. It's one song, not a whole musical. 1 6 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
jcredfer Posted December 31, 2022 Share Posted December 31, 2022 31 minutes ago, CameronL said: It's one song, not a whole musical. That's never stopped Country singers... Or perhaps that should read, Country singers never stop. Yep, I am joking..... ..... Err, honest..... 2 1 7 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steamport Southport Posted December 31, 2022 Share Posted December 31, 2022 40 minutes ago, CameronL said: It's one song, not a whole musical. Surely you mean album? Real Country singers don't do musicals! 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Hroth Posted December 31, 2022 RMweb Gold Share Posted December 31, 2022 2 hours ago, Steamport Southport said: Surely you mean album? Real Country singers don't do music! Fixed your post! Walking off in an innocent manner (counting to ten before breaking into a mad run...) 2 2 1 5 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steamport Southport Posted December 31, 2022 Share Posted December 31, 2022 35 minutes ago, Hroth said: Fixed your post! Walking off in an innocent manner (counting to ten before breaking into a mad run...) That's fightin' talk! And don't forget which genre of music have guns..... 🤠 1 5 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Hroth Posted December 31, 2022 RMweb Gold Share Posted December 31, 2022 4 minutes ago, Steamport Southport said: That's fightin' talk! And don't forget which genre of music have guns..... 🤠 Says it all, really.... 2 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Dagworth Posted December 31, 2022 RMweb Gold Share Posted December 31, 2022 16 minutes ago, Steamport Southport said: That's fightin' talk! And don't forget which genre of music have guns..... 🤠 That'll be us then, 68 of them :) Andi (I work for The Alarm) 1 1 1 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium petethemole Posted December 31, 2022 RMweb Premium Share Posted December 31, 2022 "Ninety percent of everything is cr@p", Sturgeon's Revelation, AKA Sturgeon's Law. 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Hroth Posted December 31, 2022 RMweb Gold Share Posted December 31, 2022 35 minutes ago, Steamport Southport said: And don't forget which genre of music have guns..... Well, Classical Music can lay its hands on some cannon for the 1812 Overture, and Congreve rockets when performing the Music for the Royal Fireworks. You wouldn't want to annoy the Royal Liverpool Phil... 3 1 3 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
33C Posted December 31, 2022 Share Posted December 31, 2022 40 minutes ago, Steamport Southport said: That's fightin' talk! And don't forget which genre of music have guns..... 🤠 Wrappers........ 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
33C Posted December 31, 2022 Share Posted December 31, 2022 SCUFFLE! MELEE! BRAWL! ALTERCATION! That's fightin' talk....... 1 1 5 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steamport Southport Posted December 31, 2022 Share Posted December 31, 2022 (edited) 1 hour ago, Hroth said: Well, Classical Music can lay its hands on some cannon for the 1812 Overture, and Congreve rockets when performing the Music for the Royal Fireworks. You wouldn't want to annoy the Royal Liverpool Phil... Thompson? Bands with weapons? I remember Motorhead had a Me109 fly over when they played the song Bomber at Castle Donington in 1986* and ISTR Iron Maiden did the same a few years later with a Spitfire for Aces High. *I have heard they tried to get a German Bomber but couldn't find one. Swedish band Sabaton is obsessed with tanks. Jason Edited December 31, 2022 by Steamport Southport 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RJS1977 Posted January 1, 2023 Share Posted January 1, 2023 Pre-pandemic, it was quite common for open-air concerts at Knebworth to include a Spitfire flypast. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
33C Posted January 1, 2023 Share Posted January 1, 2023 When we played the slightly larger venues, our 7 man road crew would walk across the stage with their trouser zips open........ 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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