RMweb Premium J. S. Bach Posted August 23, 2022 RMweb Premium Share Posted August 23, 2022 18 minutes ago, Dagworth said: How do you weigh a whale? Put it in a full-to-the-brim water tank and weigh the water that it displaces. 1 1 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium J. S. Bach Posted August 23, 2022 RMweb Premium Share Posted August 23, 2022 18 minutes ago, Compound2632 said: At a whale-weigh station. That one is soooo baaaaaadddddd! 18 minutes ago, Compound2632 said: How do you get two whales in a mini? Over the Afon Gwy River bridge. 4 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steamport Southport Posted August 23, 2022 Share Posted August 23, 2022 A55..... Then A494 or A483 Some of us want to go to the nice parts! 3 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Hroth Posted August 23, 2022 RMweb Gold Share Posted August 23, 2022 I threw out all last years Cracker Jokes. I'll have to buy a new box! 3 3 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
F-UnitMad Posted August 23, 2022 Share Posted August 23, 2022 2 hours ago, Hroth said: I threw out all last years Cracker Jokes. I'll have to buy a new box! Please don't.... 3 5 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
F-UnitMad Posted August 23, 2022 Share Posted August 23, 2022 One not for the animal lovers... How do you make a cat go "woof!" ?? 3 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium J. S. Bach Posted August 23, 2022 RMweb Premium Share Posted August 23, 2022 24 minutes ago, Hippel said: Pour petrol over it and light a match! Paul NOT FUNNY AT ALL! 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Allegheny1600 Posted August 23, 2022 Share Posted August 23, 2022 1 hour ago, J. S. Bach said: NOT FUNNY AT ALL! It’s just a joke - no one expects this to happen. At least on here, I hope. If you’re a huge cat lover, like me - then substitute “dog” only that won’t work because most dogs do go “woof”! Maybe substitute “rodent”? Maybe the cat is bilingual? When I was at school in the 1970s, the subject wasn’t “cat”, it was a human being from a part of the world that Britain has seen a lot of immigration from. Thank heavens that we have moved on from those days. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
KeithMacdonald Posted August 23, 2022 Share Posted August 23, 2022 6 hours ago, Compound2632 said: How do you get two whales in a mini? I know a Welsh version of that - but I might get banned. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium PhilJ W Posted August 23, 2022 RMweb Premium Share Posted August 23, 2022 10 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium kevinlms Posted August 24, 2022 RMweb Premium Share Posted August 24, 2022 8 hours ago, Compound2632 said: At a whale-weigh station. How do you get two whales in a mini? So what are these doing in the Jokes thread? 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Compound2632 Posted August 24, 2022 RMweb Premium Share Posted August 24, 2022 5 hours ago, kevinlms said: So what are these doing in the Jokes thread? Injecting nice clean humour? (Except for the Welsh version, apparently?) I'm always tickled when the BBC National Chorus of Wales comes on the radio. Bit of a Reggie Perrin moment! 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
ovbulleid Posted August 24, 2022 Share Posted August 24, 2022 Why did the scarecrow win the Nobel prize? Because the committee considered his work to be outstanding in his field! Why couldn’t the ice cream man work after he pranged his ice cream van? Because he was suffering from Mr Whippy-lash! 1 5 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hodgson Posted August 24, 2022 Share Posted August 24, 2022 (edited) 9 hours ago, Dagworth said: What had four legs and went "woof"? Piper Alpha My brother was captain of the first rescue helicopter to arrive at that fire, having diverted from a mountaineering emergency, and he reported visual contact with the burning rig at over an hour's flying time from it. The fire was so severe that most of what he was able to do was recovery of dead bodies or providing support to semi-submersible and surface vessels. 167 people died in that fire, including rescue boat crew members. Only 61 of the rig workers survived. Edited August 24, 2022 by Michael Hodgson 2 12 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
CameronL Posted August 24, 2022 Share Posted August 24, 2022 10 hours ago, PhilJ W said: It also explains why so many gynaecologists drive BMWs. 4 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wacol Posted August 24, 2022 Share Posted August 24, 2022 Why can't a deaf and dumb man tickle nine girls? Because he can only gesticulate. 1 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
DavidB-AU Posted August 24, 2022 Share Posted August 24, 2022 14 hours ago, Michael Hodgson said: My brother was captain of the first rescue helicopter to arrive at that fire, having diverted from a mountaineering emergency, and he reported visual contact with the burning rig at over an hour's flying time from it. The fire was so severe that most of what he was able to do was recovery of dead bodies or providing support to semi-submersible and surface vessels. 167 people died in that fire, including rescue boat crew members. Only 61 of the rig workers survived. One of my work colleagues has a personal connection with this. His father was one of the divers who recovered 87 bodies from the galley later that year. He never went diving again after that. 17 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold The Johnster Posted August 25, 2022 RMweb Gold Share Posted August 25, 2022 Not surprised! 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
KeithMacdonald Posted August 26, 2022 Share Posted August 26, 2022 1 14 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
KeithMacdonald Posted August 26, 2022 Share Posted August 26, 2022 1 17 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Hroth Posted August 26, 2022 RMweb Gold Share Posted August 26, 2022 15 minutes ago, KeithMacdonald said: Oh no.... We're stuffed! 1 1 3 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium PhilJ W Posted August 27, 2022 RMweb Premium Share Posted August 27, 2022 Lady Penelope returns to her mansion after a long weekend at Tracy Island Upon seeing Parker in the main bedroom she commands him; "Parker, take of my dress" "Yes, M'lady" replies Parker "Now Parker, take off my Bra" "Yes M'lady" "Now Parker take of my Panties" "Yes M'lady" "Now Parker if I ever catch you wearing my clothes again you're fired!" 1 1 6 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Hroth Posted August 27, 2022 RMweb Gold Share Posted August 27, 2022 26 minutes ago, PhilJ W said: Lady Penelope returns to her mansion after a long weekend at Tracy Island Upon seeing Parker in the main bedroom she commands him; "Parker, take of my dress" "Yes, M'lady" replies Parker "Now Parker, take off my Bra" "Yes M'lady" "Now Parker take of my Panties" "Yes M'lady" "Now Parker if I ever catch you wearing my clothes again you're fired!" My aunt used to make Parkers costume. Sadly departed, so I can't ask her if Parker did x-dress... 1 1 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
NIK Posted August 27, 2022 Share Posted August 27, 2022 I interviewed a maths graduate for a place on my work team but he said he'd give the job 110%. 9 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold The Johnster Posted August 27, 2022 RMweb Gold Share Posted August 27, 2022 3 hours ago, Hroth said: My aunt used to make Parkers costume. Sadly departed, so I can't ask her if Parker did x-dress... My claim to fame is that I know one of the two ladies who mounted the first ever all-female Antarctic expedition in the late 90s. They were bored and looking for something to do as their normal research was suspended for the winter, and the station commander at Rothera suggested that they take a snocat and check on the Argentinian base about 10 miles along the coast, unstaffed over winter, take some weather observations and measurments, and come back, which took a week. While at the Argentinian base (nobody locks doors in Antarctica in case anyone needs shelter), they decided that to mark this historic occasion and the fact that they were, after all, girlies, they would run up some floral curtains for the Argentinians. I would love to have seen the ruffytuffy Argies' macho man expressions when they returned in the spring! 4 1 3 7 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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