RMweb Gold LimboBrit Posted September 16, 2021 RMweb Gold Share Posted September 16, 2021 12 hours ago, J. S. Bach said: You mean The War of Northern Aggression? Slavery is not a joke. I suggest we drop the subject. 8 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
raymw Posted September 16, 2021 Share Posted September 16, 2021 Talking about civil wars, which tend to be anything but civil, at one of the current Queen's jubilee round Britain trip, she went by train to the west country, and many folk in Taunton kept there curtains drawn, as the train passed through because, they had ancestors who had died that many years ago, at the hands of judge Jeffreys. That's progressive thinking, at its best. 1 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
andytrains Posted September 16, 2021 Share Posted September 16, 2021 I thought that this is the Jokes thread! 1 4 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
CameronL Posted September 16, 2021 Share Posted September 16, 2021 2 minutes ago, andytrains said: I thought that this is the Jokes thread! Ok. What do you call a bunch of badly behaved pensioners on holiday.... Saga louts. (Groan factor 4, Mr Sulu). 3 5 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
andytrains Posted September 16, 2021 Share Posted September 16, 2021 How many moles do you think they have to kill to get a whole jar of molasses? Lift jokes are the best. They just work on so many levels. I've just watched a documentary on pot. I think all documentaries should be watched this way. 1 1 12 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Obi-Jiff Kenobi Posted September 16, 2021 Share Posted September 16, 2021 41 minutes ago, andytrains said: I thought that this is the Jokes thread! After a while, you'll find it's about half jokes, and the other half consists of both relevant and irrelevant tangents. Which sort this reply is I'll let others decide! 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium kevinlms Posted September 16, 2021 RMweb Premium Share Posted September 16, 2021 22 minutes ago, Obi-Jiff Kenobi said: After a while, you'll find it's about half jokes, and the other half consists of both relevant and irrelevant tangents. Which sort this reply is I'll let others decide! Of which the actual jokes are 50% repeats! 1 4 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndrewC Posted September 16, 2021 Share Posted September 16, 2021 Of which the actual jokes are 50% repeats! SAGA Send All Grannies Away 5 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Hroth Posted September 16, 2021 RMweb Gold Share Posted September 16, 2021 21 minutes ago, kevinlms said: Of which the actual jokes are 50% repeats! Rather better than many TV channels! So many to choose from, it would be invidious to name particular ones. Take your pick! 1 3 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Bernard Lamb Posted September 16, 2021 RMweb Premium Share Posted September 16, 2021 48 minutes ago, Obi-Jiff Kenobi said: After a while, you'll find it's about half jokes, and the other half consists of both relevant and irrelevant tangents. Which sort this reply is I'll let others decide! I have never come across an irrelevant tangent. Please do enlighten me. Bernard 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
great central Posted September 16, 2021 Share Posted September 16, 2021 1 minute ago, Hroth said: Rather better than many TV channels! So many to choose from, it would be invidious to name particular ones. Take your pick! Can't say I've seen that on repeat yet, mostly The Chase and Bullseye, wife seems to think I want them on the telly when I get into bed rather than the real life murder, horror garbage she prefers. All I want is to get some sleep!! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium kevinlms Posted September 16, 2021 RMweb Premium Share Posted September 16, 2021 2 hours ago, Hroth said: Rather better than many TV channels! So many to choose from, it would be invidious to name particular ones. Take your pick! That's because any 'talent', is spread amongst them, so on average, the standard has significantly dropped. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
CameronL Posted September 16, 2021 Share Posted September 16, 2021 4 hours ago, Bernard Lamb said: I have never come across an irrelevant tangent. Please do enlighten me. Bernard I know what an irrelevant average is. One that doesn't mean anything. 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold The Johnster Posted September 16, 2021 RMweb Gold Share Posted September 16, 2021 4 hours ago, great central said: All I want is to get some sleep!! Yet you got married! 4 hours ago, Bernard Lamb said: I have never come across an irrelevant tangent. Please do enlighten me. Bernard It is a small orange that doesn't matter 2 11 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
great central Posted September 16, 2021 Share Posted September 16, 2021 20 minutes ago, The Johnster said: Yet you got married! Time was there was good reason for staying awake and it certainly didn't involve cr**py old quiz shows, which were pretty naff when first broadcast never mind 30 or more years later! 1 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
pH Posted September 16, 2021 Share Posted September 16, 2021 2 16 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Popular Post George Spencer Posted September 16, 2021 RMweb Gold Popular Post Share Posted September 16, 2021 A man boards the Caledonian Sleeper and tells the attendant "I have to get off the train at Perth. I'm a heavy sleeper, but I must get off there. I don't care what I say, make sure you put me off." He wakes up the next morning to find that the train is pulling into Inverness. Enraged, he finds the attendant and gives him a piece of his mind before storming off to the ticket office, still turning the air blue. Another passenger says to the attendant, "You're very patient, mate, I wouldn't have tolerated such abuse." "That's nothing," the attendant says, "You should have heard the bloke I put off at Perth!" 2 20 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Porkscratching Posted September 17, 2021 Share Posted September 17, 2021 3 2 7 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Popular Post Oldddudders Posted September 17, 2021 RMweb Gold Popular Post Share Posted September 17, 2021 It is a sad fact that motorways, autobahns, autoroutes, autostrada, freeways etc etc etc will, from time to time, be the scene of a horrendous accident with loss of life. Just such a sad event occurred, resulting in a minibus full of nuns - on their way to do Good Works - being crushed between two HGVs, with many fatalities. Unsurprisingly, quite soon afterwards there is a queue of nuns outside the Pearly Gates, where St Peter is doing his statutory assessment duties. Seeing the nuns, he says "Sisters - I am sure we will be able to admit every one of you - but I do have to ask each of you one simple question." With that, he turns to Sister Anne, and asks "Have you ever touched a pe*is?" Sister Anne blushes, and says "I did touch one once - but only with the pinkie of my left hand." "It is well," says St Peter "now rinse that pinkie in the holy water here, and you will be admitted to the Kingdom of Heaven." He turns to Sister Jean, who has already heard the question and is now beetroot red, and before he can even ask her, she admits "I once held one in my right hand." "No problem" says the Saint "just wash your hands in the holy water there, and absolution will be yours." At this point he becomes aware of some jostling for position further down the line "Sisters, please - there is no cause for hurry. God's love and the bounds of the Kingdom of Heaven are infinite, so all who qualify may enter in due course." Whereupon Sister Susan, who has been trying to gain position says "That's all very well, but if I've got to gargle with that stuff, I'd really rather do it before Sister Mary has to put her ar*e down in it!" 2 32 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Bernard Lamb Posted September 17, 2021 RMweb Premium Share Posted September 17, 2021 3 13 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Titan Posted September 17, 2021 Share Posted September 17, 2021 22 hours ago, Coombe Vale said: I can manage a steam launch if that will do? Anyone else with a helicopter? 3 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Popular Post Sidecar Racer Posted September 17, 2021 RMweb Premium Popular Post Share Posted September 17, 2021 My car broke down this morning, so I looked under the bonnet and saw a bat sitting on the engine. Amazingly he said, “Hello, sir. You are a handsome fellow and very nicely dressed, too." I realised the problem straight away. Bat flattery! 21 4 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Sidecar Racer Posted September 17, 2021 RMweb Premium Share Posted September 17, 2021 In a move designed to extend their market influence over a certain age demographic, Marks and Spencer today announced a merger with rivals Poundstretchers. The new business will be called Stretchmarks 1 2 10 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
33C Posted September 17, 2021 Share Posted September 17, 2021 4 hours ago, Coombe Vale said: Me? The 13th Duke of Wimbourne, in the kitchens, with my reputation? Oh Well....... 6 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
raymw Posted September 18, 2021 Share Posted September 18, 2021 1 14 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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