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The Forum Jokes Thread


Colin_McLeod
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Sexist, racist or religious jokes aren't funny - keep them to yourself!

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8 minutes ago, F-UnitMad said:

Stealth or not, wouldn't the layer of snow on it still show?? :scratchhead:  :dontknow:  :tease:

 

It's the GTI edition with window heaters. Or the open-top version with seat warmers.

Edited by Compound2632
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22 hours ago, Steamport Southport said:

 

Not really. Drugs change your metabolism (don't know the scientific reasons or terms).

 

That's why you never see fat druggies, even the rich ones. Look at half of the old Rock stars that were skinny as anything.

 

If you know Birkenhead at all, it's full of druggies. Mostly Heroin addicts.

Speaks a man from Southport. Rest my case.

APART from rock stars. Remember Canned Heat? Bob "The Bear" Hite - the fattest singer you ever did see but all smackheads.  Waiting for a thread on the Modelling Tips for buying rough sleepers.. 

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1 hour ago, GDR said:

Speaks a man from Southport. Rest my case.

APART from rock stars. Remember Canned Heat? Bob "The Bear" Hite - the fattest singer you ever did see but all smackheads.  Waiting for a thread on the Modelling Tips for buying rough sleepers.. 

 

Who's from Southport?

 

That's a username.

 

I could have quite easily used Llanfair­pwllgwyngyll­gogery­chwyrn­drobwll­llan­tysilio­gogo­goch but it wouldn't have fitted....

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5 hours ago, Steamport Southport said:

 

Who's from Southport?

 

That's a username.

 

I could have quite easily used Llanfair­pwllgwyngyll­gogery­chwyrn­drobwll­llan­tysilio­gogo­goch but it wouldn't have fitted....

Hmmm, spelchecker would have royally choked on that! :jester:

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51 minutes ago, God's Wonderful Railway 1835 said:

And from the thunder, a mighty voice: “REPAINT! REPAINT! AND THIN NO MORE!”
 

 

That one is from the thin pamphlet "Jokes to start your homily" issued to all Catholic priests during their time in the seminary.

Edited by Compound2632
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During last Sunday’s online service, our priest was talking about resisting temptations, and told the story of the married man, going through a lean financial time, whose wife greeted him at the door wearing an obviously very expensive new dress.   “How could you?” he exclaimed - “You know we  can’t afford an expensive dress  like that.”

” I’m sorry dear, I just couldn’t resist the temptation, it looked so good on me in the mirror.” she replied.

”You should have followed Fr. Murphy’s advice and said ‘Get behind me Satan’ “ her husband said, to which she replied,

” But darling, I did exactly that, I said, ‘ Get behind me Satan’, and he did, and then he said, ‘ You know, this dress looks fabulous on you from the back!’”

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