peanuts Posted December 1, 2020 Share Posted December 1, 2020 This lorry driver goes into a brothel one day and slaps £500 on the counter. Then he says to the madam, "I want the ugliest girl in the place and a ham sandwich." The madam of the house looks at the big wad of money in front of her and says to him, "You know, for £500 you could have the most beautiful girl in here." The lorry driver looks at her and replies, "Listen, I'm not horny, I'm home sick." 1 9 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
simontaylor484 Posted December 1, 2020 Share Posted December 1, 2020 50 minutes ago, Ramblin Rich said: Pop music star Olly Murs has a pet parrot. It's called Polly Murs. I'm here all week. More a threat than a promise.... GROAN 6 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Budgie Posted December 1, 2020 RMweb Gold Share Posted December 1, 2020 1 hour ago, Ramblin Rich said: Pop music star Olly Murs has a pet parrot. It's called Polly Murs. I thought Polly Murs were those plastics that are causing problems in the oceans. 3 1 1 4 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium PhilJ W Posted December 1, 2020 RMweb Premium Share Posted December 1, 2020 3 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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RMweb Premium PhilJ W Posted December 1, 2020 RMweb Premium Share Posted December 1, 2020 8 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post sem34090 Posted December 2, 2020 Popular Post Share Posted December 2, 2020 6 1 1 2 22 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckymucklebackit Posted December 2, 2020 Share Posted December 2, 2020 11 hours ago, PhilJ W said: Reminded me of the Joke told by an old Glasgow Comedian called Hector Nichol... A man called Snow married a girl called June, and on their wedding night he said to her "Well what do you think of Snow in June" to which she retorted - "Aye if only it was a couple of inches deeper" Jim 10 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckymucklebackit Posted December 2, 2020 Share Posted December 2, 2020 "Siri, Why do I always have problems communicating with women?" Can you explain who Siri is, this is ALEXA. Jim 2 7 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Sidecar Racer Posted December 2, 2020 RMweb Premium Share Posted December 2, 2020 2 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
jwealleans Posted December 2, 2020 Share Posted December 2, 2020 That is a trebuchet if ever I saw one. 1 5 4 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium PhilJ W Posted December 2, 2020 RMweb Premium Share Posted December 2, 2020 5 hours ago, Sidecar Racer said: Thats not 'fully restored' there is at least a spindle missing. 1 3 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold The Johnster Posted December 2, 2020 RMweb Gold Share Posted December 2, 2020 Trebuchet. I want one so I can fire babies at Caerphilly Castle, the castle not the loco... Oh, I don't know, though; either way sound fun! 6 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold The Johnster Posted December 2, 2020 RMweb Gold Share Posted December 2, 2020 7 hours ago, luckymucklebackit said: Reminded me of the Joke told by an old Glasgow Comedian called Hector Nichol... A man called Snow married a girl called June, and on their wedding night he said to her "Well what do you think of Snow in June" to which she retorted - "Aye if only it was a couple of inches deeper" Jim My father went to a theatre in Cardiff in the 30s to see Max Miller perform, and was the only one there who got the joke about the chinese girl sliding down the bannister. He was helpless with laughter (it is a pretty amusing visual image) while the rest of the audience was silent. 'Ah, we have a sailor in the audience', said Max, correctly. My mother was sitting next to him and claimed to never have been more embarrassed; she didn't understand the joke but knew it was filthy.... 3 7 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
peanuts Posted December 2, 2020 Share Posted December 2, 2020 oops 1 8 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium PhilJ W Posted December 2, 2020 RMweb Premium Share Posted December 2, 2020 1 11 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium PhilJ W Posted December 2, 2020 RMweb Premium Share Posted December 2, 2020 13 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hroth Posted December 2, 2020 Share Posted December 2, 2020 12 hours ago, Sidecar Racer said: PULL!!! 3 5 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium newbryford Posted December 3, 2020 RMweb Premium Share Posted December 3, 2020 22 minutes ago, Hroth said: PULL!!! Reminds me of the squirrel launcher videos.................... 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
KeithMacdonald Posted December 3, 2020 Share Posted December 3, 2020 5 hours ago, The Johnster said: My father went to a theatre in Cardiff in the 30s to see Max Miller perform, and was the only one there who got the joke about the chinese girl sliding down the bannister. He was helpless with laughter (it is a pretty amusing visual image) while the rest of the audience was silent. 'Ah, we have a sailor in the audience', said Max, correctly. My mother was sitting next to him and claimed to never have been more embarrassed; she didn't understand the joke but knew it was filthy.... Did Sir Roger enjoy it? 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steamport Southport Posted December 3, 2020 Share Posted December 3, 2020 Documentary on earlier on BBC about the Winter of 1963. Apparently 1947 was also a bad Winter. Not the worst Winters on record though.... That was Mike and Bernie. 1 1 5 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold The Johnster Posted December 3, 2020 RMweb Gold Share Posted December 3, 2020 4 hours ago, KeithMacdonald said: Did Sir Roger enjoy it? In less than 4 minutes, yes... 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
CameronL Posted December 3, 2020 Share Posted December 3, 2020 (edited) Well, the festive season is upon us once more, and the country’s airwaves are filled with the usual Christmas tunes. But there is one seasonal ditty that I really don’t get. The Little Drummer Boy. Let’s examine it, shall we? Mary, while being “Great with child” (according to Luke 2:5, but not a very tactful description) has had to travel across the Holy Land on the little donkey. (Joseph, the poor schmuck, had to walk. In sandals. On roads that were a mixture of gravel and camel poo. Wear sandals to visit the Timanfaya National Park in Lanzarote if you want to know what that's like). Ok, they get to Royal David’s city and there’s no room at the inn, so they have to bed down in the lowly cattle shed. And in a manger cold and dark Mary’s little boy was born. Now you’d think after all that she’d deserve a bit of a breather, but no chance. Hark the Herald Angels sang. The three kings popped in from the Orient, bearing gifts. The shepherds knocked off watching their flocks by night and stopped by as well, and just to add to the chaos they brought a lamb. The cattle were lowing. And on top of this in walks some little s0d banging a drum. I don’t care if he played his best for Him. I don’t think Mary would smile at him. I think she’d probably hit him with a shovel. Edited December 3, 2020 by CameronL Added a bit 2 15 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Enterprisingwestern Posted December 3, 2020 RMweb Gold Share Posted December 3, 2020 30 minutes ago, CameronL said: And in a manger cold and dark Mary’s little boy was born. Since when has the area been cold and dark in June? Mike. 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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