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The Forum Jokes Thread


Colin_McLeod
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Sexist, racist or religious jokes aren't funny - keep them to yourself!

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On 12/08/2020 at 15:17, DavidB-AU said:

 

Australia had no standing army in 1914 and the AIF was made up entirely of militia (reserve) units. A town would have its own platoon or company and a district/shire would form these into a company. A regional city might be able to muster a battalion. They were all locals to that area.

 

Cheers

David

 

David,

 

No.

 

The (first) AIF was not "made up entirely of militia (reserve) units", other wise known as the Citizens Military Force.  At the time there was also a Permanent Military Force, responsible, primarily, for the coastal defence batteries and providing instructors (the Australian Instructional Corps) for CMF training.  By law the CMF was solely for the defence of Australia, it could not serve outside of Australian territory, that is why the AIF was created.

 

Not withstanding that, the AIF had significant numbers of CMF personnel join it, such as Monash, and PMF personnel were assigned to it.  Many of the personnel would have been through the compulsory universal service scheme instituted in 1909. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Conscription_in_Australia .  

 

 

Cheers,

Chris

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4 hours ago, Steamport Southport said:

Oh dear. Just looked through a few emails and this joke was on the Kernow one.

 

 

And on a similar theme

 

What do you call a fly with no wings?

 

 

 

 

A walk..................

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I play the bass guitar (in a "Talentless Noise-Polluter Having Fun" kind of way) so I'm allowed to tell this one ...

 

A couple  had a teenage son who decided that he wanted to play the bass guitar, so Dad had a search online and found him a tutor. He called up to arrange the first lesson and, after booking a slot, asked the tutor "One thing that's worrying me. Musical instruments can be very expensive, especially the electric ones 'cos  don't you need an amplifier as well? I'm just worried that he's going to have a go for a few weeks then decided he doesn't like it, and I'll be stuck with some expensive kit. Will he need his own bass and amp straight away?"

 

"No, don't worry, "replied the tutor. "I'll provide everything he needs for the first few lessons. Then if he really shows some talent and is enjoying it you can start thinking about buying him his own guitar."

 

Well, when the tutor turns up for the lesson he brings his own bass and, for the pupil, a piece of 4x2 wood about 3'6" long. There's a screw in either end and stretched between them is a piece of bungee cord. A piece of string is tied between two screw-in eyelets, one at one end and one halfway along the plank to act as a strap. 

 

"This is you axe," says the tutor. "It's tuned to E, so it's like the top string of a bass, and you can use it to get the hold right and try  some top-string exercises."

 

So the lesson starts and the son has a great time and really shows some talent. At the end the tutor says "I think you've got the makings of a really good bass  player. No pressure, but give me a ring if you want another lesson."

 

Then the tutor doesn't hear from the boy for a fortnight, so eventually he phones up and says to him "Hi, it's your tutor here. I was just calling to follow up on your bass lesson. I thought you did really well, and I'm a bit surprised you haven't wanted another, so I was just calling to see if we could arrange something. Is Thursday evening any good?"

 

And the boy replied "Sorry, can't make Thursday. I've got a gig." 

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1 hour ago, BoD said:

Breaking news:  All Covid-19 test centres have been closed. From now on the government will estimate your test result.

 

If ABBA had gone to a state School in England they would have been called CDDC.

 

It wasn't the Government though. It is an independent organisation, ironically set up by the opposition party....

 

 

 

Jason

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1 hour ago, BoD said:

Breaking news:  All Covid-19 test centres have been closed. From now on the government will estimate your test result.

 

If ABBA had gone to a state School in England they would have been called CDDC.

 

Thanks for that! Sent on to my daughter who has been an A-level victim and needed a bit of cheering up. She was one of the brightest kids in her school, worked hard and was predicted A*AA and got BBC, meaning she did not qualify for her second choice of uni, let alone her first...

 

Her mock results are good enough for her second choice, and we will be appealing once we know what the rules are...

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1 minute ago, Steamport Southport said:

 

It wasn't the Government though. It is an independent organisation, ironically set up by the opposition party....

 

 

What? ABBA was set up by the Labour party?

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34 minutes ago, Steamport Southport said:

 

I do know some girl who voted remain as she thought that leaving the EU meant we wouldn't be in the Eurovision Song Contest...

 

:laugh:

I fear there are those who voted Leave under the same delusion...

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10 minutes ago, Two_sugars said:

I tell you what, though but. . . . . . . 

 

 

I bet we never win it again.

 

John

 

Not while they keep selecting crap songs and singers.

 

The problem with Britain's attempts to win Eurovision is they think that the Europeans like the same rubbish music we do.

 

They don't, they like different rubbish music....

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19 minutes ago, Two_sugars said:

I tell you what, though but. . . . . . . 

 

 

I bet we never win it again.

 

John

No chance. Next year's Russian entry is The Choir of the Red Army singing a charming little ditty called "Vote for Us or We'll Cut Your Gas Off".

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