The Forum Jokes Thread

[Obi-Jiff Kenobi]

(This joke is best read aloud)

 

A friend of mine said recently that he'd failed his Aboriginal music exam.

 

I said "Did you redo it?"

[F-UnitMad]

15 hours ago, westernfan said:

Hey Bob, does your missus still speak that Pakistani language?’

‘Yeah, Urdu.’

An Urdu is what a Scouse girl gets at the hairdressers.

 

15 hours ago, westernfan said:

The senior took advantage of the break in the student's litany and said, 'You're right, son. We didn't have those things when we were young.... So we invented them. Now, you arrogant little ****, what are YOU doing for the next generation?'

Brilliant put down!! I must remember that one!!

[westernfan]

A blonde shows up at the Emergency Room with blood pouring from her left hand. The staff quickly staunch the bleeding, and upon examination discover the whole centre of her hand is missing, having been blown to shreds. The Doctor shows up and asks, “What happened?”

“Well,” the blonde replied. “I was terribly depressed and decided to kill myself. So I put my pistol up to my ear. But I realised that when I shot the gun, it was going to be really loud. So just before I pulled the trigger, I covered my left ear with my other hand."

[KeithMacdonald]

14 hours ago, Reorte said:

Uninventing quite a few of them would be a good start!

 

Should we start with your internet connection?

[Reorte]

30 minutes ago, KeithMacdonald said:

 

Should we start with your internet connection?

Ha ha. Should I point out that I said "quite a few", not "all"?

 

But I do seem to have considerably less internet dependency than many. I prefer to use it purely for entertainment (which is why I'm here, hobbies falling in to that category). Sometimes it's unfortunately now pretty much the only option for other things too (no very local bank branches any more), so practically it's unavoidable there.

 

But overall yes, I'd sacrifice that though if that was the price to pay from removing is pernicious intrusion in to far too much.

Edited Friday at 12:29 by Reorte

[Obi-Jiff Kenobi]

Did you hear that NASA has commissioned a new spacecraft, intended to make amends to any aliens they've upset? It's called Apollo G.

[KeithMacdonald]

1 hour ago, Reorte said:

But I do seem to have considerably less internet dependency than many. I prefer to use it purely for entertainment

 

You have the advantage over me there, I still depend on it for WFH to earn a crust. Having said that, so many of the people I work with are occupational misfits, incompetent clowns, and aspirational-only-managers (they might be real managers if they knew how to tell the difference between arse and elbow). With people in the Finance team that don't understand the difference between sales and revenue. So I have to treat it as entertainment as well, just to stay sane.

 

Cue another Dilbert cartoon? ....

[kevinlms]

1 hour ago, Obi-Jiff Kenobi said:

Did you hear that NASA has commissioned a new spacecraft, intended to make amends to any aliens they've upset? It's called Apollo G.

 

[Reorte]

2 hours ago, KeithMacdonald said:

 

You have the advantage over me there, I still depend on it for WFH to earn a crust. Having said that, so many of the people I work with are occupational misfits, incompetent clowns, and aspirational-only-managers (they might be real managers if they knew how to tell the difference between arse and elbow). With people in the Finance team that don't understand the difference between sales and revenue. So I have to treat it as entertainment as well, just to stay sane.

 

Cue another Dilbert cartoon? ....

I'm fortunate that I haven't been forced in to working from home.  I usually (not always, alas) manage to be able to keep my head down and just concentrate on the technical side of things, one of the reasons I strenuously resist any attempts to promote me.

[JZ]

[kevinlms]

6 hours ago, JZ said:

Boiling water will solve the problem and you won't have that issue with that windscreen again!

[Hroth]

8 hours ago, kevinlms said:

Boiling water will solve the problem and you won't have that issue with that windscreen again!

 

Crackin' wheeze Gromit!

 

 

[westernfan]

7 qualities for the PERFECT woman:

Beautiful.
Intelligent.
Gentle.
Thoughtful.
Innocent.
Trustworthy.
Sensible.

 

Or, in short = B.I.G.T.I.T.S

[westernfan]

[PhilJ W]

[AndrueC]

On 13/09/2024 at 17:41, Reorte said:

I'm fortunate that I haven't been forced in to working from home.  I usually (not always, alas) manage to be able to keep my head down and just concentrate on the technical side of things, one of the reasons I strenuously resist any attempts to promote me.

For the opposite view I consider myself fortunate to have been able to work from home since the Covid lockdown. It was only when the boss suddenly said he expected everyone back in for two days a week that I retired. Over the following couple of months most of my colleagues left for other jobs. Ones that didn't require any more than a monthly get together.

 

Last I heard my ex-employer was desperately trying to get the product we'd all been working on for the last few years launched with the help of contractors.

[newbryford]

Oh....

[PhilJ W]

[PhilJ W]

[PhilJ W]

[Dunsignalling]

On 13/09/2024 at 20:49, JZ said:

 

I have a button for that.....😉

 

[Reorte]

17 hours ago, AndrueC said:

For the opposite view I consider myself fortunate to have been able to work from home since the Covid lockdown. It was only when the boss suddenly said he expected everyone back in for two days a week that I retired. Over the following couple of months most of my colleagues left for other jobs. Ones that didn't require any more than a monthly get together.

 

Last I heard my ex-employer was desperately trying to get the product we'd all been working on for the last few years launched with the help of contractors.

The office environment isn't great (I've a lot of loathing for the moron who thought open plan was a good idea), but the simple fact is that I'm a firm believe in keeping work and home very separate, and that whatever the immediate appeal of working from home it's unhealthy in the long run (plus I find anything to do with work coming in to the home an intrusion in to my personal life). Even the commute isn't bad - a good time and space gap there between work and home. I've no interest in "saving" time, something that just appears to lead to people rushing around like headless chickens. If I had a silly length commute that would be my own fault. I wouldn't have a problem from that perspective with a private spot fifteen minutes walk away.

 

From the practical perspective working through technical problems remotely is pretty poor too; a few projects are suffering from that because the people are scattered around different sites. It's not a complete show-stopped but it's not effective. Various people working from home some of the time just adds to that.

 

Ideal would simply be a better office environment with a bit more privacy and peace. WIth the occasional option for being able to do some work at home for the odd occasion you need to be in for something so can do that without having to take time off.

 

Of course what doesn't work for one person might for another, but it does feel a bit like falling for the immediate appeal with a long-term cost.

 

edit: Should probably add that I took a day working from home last week simply because I needed to knuckle down undisturbed; I didn't like it one bit (I also had to for a few weeks at the start of Covid, until I ran out of things I could do from home). It was effective in that situation but unpleasant.

Edited Sunday at 12:55 by Reorte

[PhilJ W]

On 13/09/2024 at 00:08, PhilJ W said:

I like the expression on the face of the dog sitting on the bin.

[aardvark]

If you hear me talking to myself, don’t worry.

 

I’m self-employed.

 

We’re having a meeting.

 

[CameronL]

6 hours ago, aardvark said:

If you hear me talking to myself, don’t worry.

 

I’m self-employed.

 

We’re having a meeting.

 

Just as long as it doesn't turn into an argument.