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The Forum Jokes Thread


Colin_McLeod
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Sexist, racist or religious jokes aren't funny - keep them to yourself!

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10 minutes ago, KeithMacdonald said:

So, the ISS astronauts won’t be coming home until 2025?


Enough time for all the humans near their landing site to buy monkey suits for the biggest prank ever.

The Russians could get them back by the end of the week if asked, but the Yanks have burned their bridges with that one somewhat.

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8 hours ago, KeithMacdonald said:

Book early to avoid disappointment?

 

There are fewer than 100 available spaces left across the male prison estate in England and Wales, the BBC understands.

 

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c0rw48nj282o

 

There'd be more if it wasn't for male BBC presenters🙄

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9 hours ago, KeithMacdonald said:

So, the ISS astronauts won’t be coming home until 2025?


Enough time for all the humans near their landing site to buy monkey suits for the biggest prank ever.

Really wish there were some people dressed as Klingons around when William Shatner did his suborbital flight.

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IMG_2891.jpeg.59cd0bbb00564f444d79374b893ead25.jpeg

 

Badly-phrased question.

 

Legitimate answers could be “With my usual word-processing app.” or, if specified in the ad, “Manually, using a pen.”.

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How many Soviet-era Russians does it take to change a lightbulb?

 

Four, one to change the bulb, two to hold the ladder because full employment is guaranteed in the Soviet Paradise, and one KGB agent to keep an eye on the three dangerous intellectuals...

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1 hour ago, The Johnster said:

How many Soviet-era Russians does it take to change a lightbulb?

 

Four, one to change the bulb, two to hold the ladder because full employment is guaranteed in the Soviet Paradise, and one KGB agent to keep an eye on the three dangerous intellectuals...

 

How many UK Government officials does it take to change a lightbulb?

 

Ten

One to change the bulb,

One to complete the Due Diligence Assessment

One to check that the new light bulb is an energy-efficient LED made in China

One to remove the old toxic light bulb to a municipal recycling centre in a government approved disposal box

Two to hold the ladder because Health & Safety

One to verify that the purchase of the light bulb complied with competitive tendering rules

Two to verifiy that the process complies with DEI directives

One to take pictures for the press release

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Posted (edited)
45 minutes ago, KeithMacdonald said:

 

How many UK Government officials does it take to change a lightbulb?

 

Ten

One to change the bulb,

One to complete the Due Diligence Assessment

One to check that the new light bulb is an energy-efficient LED made in China

One to remove the old toxic light bulb to a municipal recycling centre in a government approved disposal box

Two to hold the ladder because Health & Safety

One to verify that the purchase of the light bulb complied with competitive tendering rules

Two to verifiy that the process complies with DEI directives

One to take pictures for the press release

 

You forgot

One to write the press release

and

One to proofread it to ensure that it follows all relevant inclusivity guidelines.

And 

A management trainee on a graduate fasttrack scheme, to make the tea.

 

So thats Thirteen....

 

 

Edited by Hroth
I forgot what the trainee was there for...
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3 hours ago, Hroth said:

 

You forgot

One to write the press release

and

One to proofread it to ensure that it follows all relevant inclusivity guidelines.

And 

A management trainee on a graduate fasttrack scheme, to make the tea.

 

So thats Thirteen....

 

 

Unless the original instructions came from Brussels,

 

In that case, add another fifty or so to translate what started as a sheet of A4 into something the size of a phone book.

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On 27/08/2024 at 12:34, Compound2632 said:

i'm reminded of the outraged Evangelical complaining of an exhibition of photographs of famous Jews, that it didn't include St Paul.

What - not even a photo of St Paul riding Judas's chariot?.

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9 minutes ago, 40152 said:

Q: How many university academics does it take to change a lightbulb?


A: What do you mean, change?

 

 

That's philosophers. A university academic will have a grad student do it.

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9 hours ago, Welchester said:

How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?
 

Banana. 

How many surrealists does it take to change a telephone?:

 

Lobster.

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