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The Forum Jokes Thread


Colin_McLeod
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Sexist, racist or religious jokes aren't funny - keep them to yourself!

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Posted (edited)
3 minutes ago, PhilJ W said:

Where's the GWR chocolate or cream or the Midland crimson lake?

 

You have to scroll up the list to the "C"s!

 

Fresh Flour.  Would that be listed too?

🤪

 

Edited by Hroth
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32 minutes ago, PhilJ W said:

Where's the GWR chocolate or cream or the Midland crimson lake?

Sadly this list was created, AFTER the railway colours were discontinued by paint manufacturers. Probably because there were too many makers and so the profit margin disappeared.

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A blonde orders a beer.

The bartender fills the mug and slides it down the bar. It hits the blonde woman's boobs and splashes all over them...

The bartender goes over, retrieves the mug and licks the beer off her boobs.

Each time the blonde calls for another beer this happens. So after the third beer, a guy decides to help the bartender out.
The next time the bartender hit her boobs, the man jumps up and starts to lick her breasts and she decks him!

He is lying on the floor moaning, 'Jeez lady... Why do you let the bartender do it?'

"Helloooo!", says the blonde, 'He has a licker license!'

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57 minutes ago, Krusty said:

Woman stops 12 ft gator with .22 pistol!

 

Florida Woman Stops Alligator Attack Using a small .22 caliber Ruger Pistol.

 

Another good reason to have a concealed weapons permit. This is a story of self-control and marksmanship by a brave, cool-headed woman with a small pistol against a fierce predator. Here's her story in her own words:

 

"While walking along the edge of a pond just outside my house in the Villages discussing a property settlement with my soon-to-be ex-husband, and other divorce issues, we were surprised by a huge 12-ft alligator which suddenly emerged from the murky water. It began charging us with its large jaws wide open. She must have been protecting her nest because she was extremely aggressive. "If I had not had my little Ruger 22 caliber pistol with me, I would not be here today! Just one shot to my estranged husband's knee cap was all it took. The gator got him easily, and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace. The amount I saved in lawyer's fees was really incredible and his life insurance was also a big bonus!”

But you only need to able to run faster than the other person!

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1 hour ago, kevinlms said:

It took me a while!

 

The significance, and dangers, of wearing red shirts are often overlooked. Or lost on the younger generation. On a recent work-related video call we were discussing the pros & cons (risks etc) involved with deploying some new software. The youngest member of our team was very pro an immediate release. I ventured to offer one more con. He was wearing a red t-shirt. Older team members laughed, he looked perplexed, we had to explain. It was a step too far to boldly go explaining about Klingon code escaping, not being released, etc.

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5 hours ago, JZ said:

Oasis reunion announced.

456613922_1041191474682513_2880726534503956218_n.jpg.e04c1a692f32ec1948755b7192fc9f2b.jpg

 

5 hours ago, KeithMacdonald said:

 

Where's Lady Penelope?

 

 

Dunno, but my aunt made Parkers outfits!

 

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On 26/08/2024 at 01:00, kevinlms said:

I've only once been bitten by a dog, it was a Great Dane!

I was bitten by a German Shepherd once, I will say this though fair play to him he apologised and bought me a pint afterwards. 

Edited by Matt37268
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