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The Forum Jokes Thread


Colin_McLeod
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Sexist, racist or religious jokes aren't funny - keep them to yourself!

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1 hour ago, Kylestrome said:

And that you don't on any account put ice in whisky!

 

How about re-usable ice cubes? 🤔

 

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Posted (edited)
6 hours ago, KeithMacdonald said:

 

Are they the kind we should take to our local authority's recycling centre?

H2O…?

Edited by Kylestrome
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14 hours ago, exmoordave said:

I have a Bonnie Tyler satnav in my car. It keeps telling me to turn around and every now and then it falls apart.

 

I got the U2 version - all the streets have no name, and I still haven't found what I'm looking for.

 

So I took it back and changed it for the Fleetwood Mac one - every time I ask it for a route, it says "you can go your own way."

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53 minutes ago, Obi-Jiff Kenobi said:

So I took it back and changed it for the Fleetwood Mac one - every time I ask it for a route, it says "you can go your own way."

 

Better than the Eagles satnav, takes you to your hotel in California, but every route out results in "Recalculating, please turn around" ....

 

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Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, Obi-Jiff Kenobi said:

 

I got the U2 version - all the streets have no name, and I still haven't found what I'm looking for.

 

So I took it back and changed it for the Fleetwood Mac one - every time I ask it for a route, it says "you can go your own way."

The Fleetwod Mac one is fine until Sundays when it plays the bass solo from The Chain, Murray Walker shouts Go Go Go and you end up with points on your license  

Edited by Dagworth
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2 hours ago, Dagworth said:

The Fleetwod Mac one is fine until Sundays when it plays the bass solo from The Chain, Murray Walker shouts Go Go Go and you end up with points on your license  

Don't get the Dusty Springfield one - you'll just end up in the middle of nowhere. 

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On 19/08/2024 at 11:30, Hroth said:

 

Sadly Morse didn't invent it, and strictly its a cypher not a code...

 

..and his first name was not Inspector.

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Posted (edited)
18 hours ago, exmoordave said:

I have a Bonnie Tyler satnav in my car. It keeps telling me to turn around and every now and then it falls apart.

I went for a job interview several years ago. Had to go up to their head office in Richmond, Yorkshire. That's quite a long way from South Northamptonshire but they offered to pay travelling expenses. Anyway after the interview I powered on the Sat Nav and told it I wanted to return home.

 

It's first response was 'Head south' which, while it can't be faulted for accuracy, was not entirely helpful.

 

It was the same Sat Nav which a couple of years earlier when planning a route from North Wales to Dumfries & Galloway had tried to send me via Merseyside including the immortal instruction 'Follow the ferry for 56 miles'.

Edited by AndrueC
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8 minutes ago, exmoordave said:

Today is the meeting of the Rolled-up Newspaper Enthusiast Society.

 

I'd love to be a fly on the wall.......


Or a disobedient doggie?

 

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