The Forum Jokes Thread

[Jeremy Cumberland]

In the US, they have Pi Day: 3.14 (March 14th)

In Britain, we have Pi Approximation Day: 22/7 (22nd July)

 

I like the way that our approximation is actually closer to Pi than their supposedly more exact rendition.

[CHAZ D]

3 hours ago, Nick C said:

To the optimist, the glass is 1/2 full.

 

To the pessimist, the glass is 1/2 empty.

 

To Microsoft Excel, the glass is 1st February.

To me the glass is too big!

[KeithMacdonald]

4 hours ago, kevinlms said:

I wonder if she realised that she only needed 37 people to change their vote?

 

Or Henry was actually 145 votes behind the leading candidate, but Martha was smart enough to have already realised she only to "work" on 73 voters to swing the election.😉

[franciswilliamwebb]

4 hours ago, Nick C said:

To the optimist, the glass is 1/2 full.

 

To the pessimist, the glass is 1/2 empty.

 

To Microsoft Excel, the glass is 1st February.

 

To me, it's stood long enough and now needs the rest of the Guinness 😎

[Stubby47]

4 hours ago, Jeremy Cumberland said:

In the US, they have Pi Day: 3.14 (March 14th)

 

 

Also used in Mission Impossible (Job 3:14)....

[Tim123]

[Hroth]

8 hours ago, JZ said:

 

8 hours ago, franciswilliamwebb said:

Is that a spelling mistake or just my eyesight 😇

 

Well....

 

It used to be said that too much would make you blind... 🤔

 

 

[Compound2632]

2 hours ago, KeithMacdonald said:

 

Or Henry was actually 145 votes behind the leading candidate, but Martha was smart enough to have already realised she only to "work" on 73 voters to swing the election.😉

 

Either way, leaving her free to exercise some discretion.

[J. S. Bach]

11 hours ago, JZ said:

 

 

11 hours ago, franciswilliamwebb said:

Is that a spelling mistake or just my eyesight 😇

Maybe just to get by the "censor"?

[J. S. Bach]

9 hours ago, kevinlms said:

To Americans, it would be 2nd January and almost exclusively so!

I always write dates in "15aug24" format when I can.

[J. S. Bach]

8 hours ago, Jeremy Cumberland said:

In the US, they have Pi Day: 3.14 (March 14th)

In Britain, we have Pi Approximation Day: 22/7 (22nd July)

 

I like the way that our approximation is actually closer to Pi than their supposedly more exact rendition.

Any day is Pie day!

[J. S. Bach]

4 hours ago, Tim123 said:

They're effective on cats, too:

[Hroth]

15 minutes ago, J. S. Bach said:

I always write dates in "15aug24" format when I can.

 

I use YYYYMMDD to avoid ambiguity. Today is 20240815.  Its some sort of standard, I believe...

 

11 minutes ago, J. S. Bach said:

They're effective on cats, too:

 

Now THERES a cat with murder in its eyes!

 

[newbryford]

Students, don’t worry about your A-level exam results, in 30 years’ time you’ll be more worried about:

1. Not being able to move your neck for half a day because you slept a bit funny 
2. Hoping any event you attend has adequate seating 
3. Staying in for parcels with a delivery window of “between 6am and 10pm” (and they might not come at all)
4. Something silly and embarrassing that you said 20 years ago 
5. All your teaspoons going missing. Where do they go?!
6. Trying to kick a ball back to a random young person in the park without falling over 
7. Finding it exciting to look at sheds at the garden centre 
8. Searching for the perfect hoover 
9. Hairs: grey ones/ones now growing from your ears/receding ones 
10. The fact you can’t bend down without making a loud groaning noise

[AndrueC]

2 hours ago, J. S. Bach said:

I always write dates in "15aug24" format when I can.

Same here. I started doing it when I was part of a trans-Atlantic software development team.

 

The other thing I used to do was run a UK-based spell checker against any shared document if I had a reason to modify it. They would then switch it back to US spelling if they had to edit it.

 

I also liked to use identifiers that had UK spelling in source code. They could still have changed them to US but being competent developers they couldn't come up with a valid justification for it so let them be.

 

😁

Edited August 15 by AndrueC

[F-UnitMad]

3 hours ago, Hroth said:

Now THERES a cat with murder in its eyes!

 

No change there, then.... 🙄🙄🙄🤔

[westernfan]

Walking through town earlier and I was approached by a Dalek asking if I could point it in the direction of home. I asked it where it lived and it replied.
'Exeter mate...'
 

[westernfan]

Frank, Howard and Roy are applying for the same job. Frank goes in to the interview room first and the interviewer has no ears.

“This job requires strong observation powers,” the interviewer says. “For your first exercise, I would like you to make an observation about me.” Frank replies, “Well, you’ve got no ears.” upon which the interviewer yells, “Get out!”

Howard goes in next. “This job requires strong observation powers,” the interviewer says. “For your first exercise, I would like you to make an observation about me.” Howard replies, “Well, you’ve got no ears.” upon which the interviewer yells, “Get out!”

Frank and Howard explain to Roy that the interviewer has no ears and is a bit sensitive about it, so Roy oughtn’t to mention it; Roy obliges and goes in. “This job requires strong observation powers,” the interviewer says. “For your first exercise, I would like you to make an observation about me.”

Roy looks the interviewer over for all of a literal minute before saying, “You wear contact lenses.”

The interviewer replies, “That’s incredible, that’s absolutely right! How did you know?”

Roy replies, “How could you wear glasses? You got no ears.”

[westernfan]

Ma was in the kitchen fiddling around when she hollers out, "Pa! You need to go out and fix the outhouse!"

Pa replies, "There ain't nuthin wrong with the outhouse."

Ma yells back, "Yes there is, now git out there and fix it."

So Pa mosies out to the outhouse, looks around and yells back, "Ma! There ain't nuthin wrong with the outhouse!"

"Ma replies, "Stick yur head in the hole!"

Pa yells back, "I ain't stickin my head in that hole!

"Ma says, "Ya have to stick yur head in the hole to see what to fix."

So with that, Pa sticks his head in the hole, looks around and yells back, "Ma! There ain't nuthin wrong with this outhouse!"

Ma hollers back, "Now take your head out of the hole!"

Pa proceeds to pull his head out of the hole, then starts yelling,

"Ma! Help! My beard is stuck in the cracks in the toilet seat!"

To which Ma replies, "Hurts, don't it?!"

[Bernard Lamb]

[JZ]

[J. S. Bach]

Not funny at all.

[Thorness]

[westernfan]

Paddy says to Mick. "I'm ready for a holiday, but I'm going to do it different this time. 3 years ago, I went to Spain and Mary got pregnant. Two years ago I went to Italy, Mary got pregnant. Last year, I went to Majorca and she got pregnant again.

Mick said, "So what are you going to do different this time?" Paddy replies, "I'll take her with me."

[westernfan]

Just had a letter back from Screwfix. They said they regretted to inform me that they're not actually a dating agency.