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The Forum Jokes Thread


Colin_McLeod
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Sexist, racist or religious jokes aren't funny - keep them to yourself!

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30 minutes ago, Stray said:

1720623962378.png.9861f5cf233092a3058f6e8bfa70a785.png

 

Deeply sexist, as is evident to anyone who has been wowed by the complex paintwork built by numerous male posters on here!

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1 hour ago, Stray said:

1720623962378.png.9861f5cf233092a3058f6e8bfa70a785.png

Totally unrealistic. If the husband's brain was badly-laid, overgrown and ended pointlessly in the middle of nowhere it might be more accurate.

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Back to the jokes.

 

A man went to the Doctor, claiming to be feeling "unwell", so the doctor sent him off for tests and then arranged to see him again once the results were in.

 

"I've got bad news," he said. "You're going to have to take a pill every day for the rest of your life."

 

"That's not so bad," replied the man.

 

The doctor said: "I'm only giving you four."

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51 minutes ago, big jim said:

Is it sad I on know the 2nd pic is Carlisle? 

  No you drive trains to Carlisle, I though Carlisle as soon I looked at it and I live in Cyprus!so who’s sad

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1 hour ago, big jim said:

Is it sad I on know the 2nd pic is Carlisle? 

Well I wouldn't have recognised it as is but I can see it now it's been mentioned - Newcastle and S&C off to the left, WCML down the middle, Workington to the right.

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12 minutes ago, CameronL said:

Totally unrealistic. If the husband's brain was badly-laid, overgrown and ended pointlessly in the middle of nowhere it might be more accurate.

The one on the left IS pointless! Lots of points on the right-hand picture though.

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Interesting chat with my gaffer today about me having some time off. 
The gaffer asked me why I was a bit late?

’Well, I’ve bin to ave me hair cud’ said I

’Yer wot? In the firms time?

’Well be fair it grows in the firms doh it?’ 
‘It doh all grow in the firms time old shoe’ 

‘Well I day have it all cut off gaffer’ 😀

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The nurse approached the bed and the elderly woman sitting beside it.

 

Come along dear, time for your bath “ she said.

 

But I’ve had mine already“ protested the old lady.

 

No come along dear, you are just confused

 

Returning from the bath the nurse was surprised to see another lady in the bed,

 

Who is that in the bed” she asked.

 

My sister, I was just visiting her”

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On the first day of primary school, a 5 year old handed his teacher a note from his mother.

 

The note read:

'The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents."

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