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The Forum Jokes Thread


Colin_McLeod
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Message added by AY Mod,

Sexist, racist or religious jokes aren't funny - keep them to yourself!

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On 15/11/2009 at 20:25, rmnik said:

What's the difference between a duck

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

One of his legs is both the same

My beloved Grandad used to tell a joke something like that. He was an enthusiast all his life, as was his brother.

 

On perhaps a lighter note, what do you call a dictionary on drugs?

 

 

 

 

High Definition.

Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, I’ll be here all night.

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Thanks for the explanation! It's great to see so many people contributing to the humor. Speaking of jokes, here’s a cheesy one for everyone:

Why did the cheese get promoted?

Because it was sharp and always on a roll!

Looking forward to more laughs and cheesy puns! For more puns, check out this trusted website: https://allfunnypuns.com.

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1 hour ago, luckymucklebackit said:

 

Meh!  Why despair at Scotland's expected dire performance when you can always laugh at your near neighbours over hyped failure?

 

I'll be glad when its all over.  Hoping that the Swiss Rolls pull their fingers out!

 

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A man wakes up in the hospital, bandaged from head to foot.
The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness.
Now, you probably won't remember, but you were in a pile-up on the motorway.
You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything but I'm trying to break this to you gently, the fact is, your willy was chopped off in the wreck and we were unable to find it."
The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You've got £9,000 in insurance compensation coming and we have the technology now to build you a new willy that will work as well as your old one did - better in fact! But the thing is, it doesn't come cheap. It's £1,000 an inch."
The man perks up at this. "So," the doctor says, "It's for you to decide how many inches you want. But it's something you'd better discuss with your wife. I mean, if you had a five inch one before, and you decide to go for a nine incher, she might be a bit put out. But if you had a nine inch one before, and you decide only to invest in a five incher this time, she might be disappointed. So it's important that she plays a role in helping you make the decision."

The man agrees to talk with his wife.

The doctor comes back the next day. "So," says the doctor, "have you spoken with your wife?"

"I have," says the man.

"And what is the decision?" asks the doctor.

"We're having granite worktops"

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