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The Forum Jokes Thread


Colin_McLeod
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Sexist, racist or religious jokes aren't funny - keep them to yourself!

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The Welsh Valleys lines are to get the biggest timetable revamp for 30 years.

 

Rail bosses say they've thought about it very Caerphilly.

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During a U2 concert in Leeds, Bono asked the audience for total quiet.

Then in the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands. Once every few seconds. Holding the audience in total silence, he said into the microphone "Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies."

From the front of the crowd, a broad Yorkshire accent pierced the quiet: "Well f*ck!n' stop doin' it then ya evil b@sta*d!”.

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I felt sorry for the hypnotist I went to see last night.

 

He had just finished hypnotising the seven men on the stage when he dropped the microphone on his foot and exclaimed  "F##k Me"

 

What happened next will haunt me for the rest of my life.😳

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1 hour ago, D-A-T said:

During a U2 concert in Leeds, Bono asked the audience for total quiet.

Then in the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands. Once every few seconds. Holding the audience in total silence, he said into the microphone "Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies."

From the front of the crowd, a broad Yorkshire accent pierced the quiet: "Well f*ck!n' stop doin' it then ya evil b@sta*d!”.

The version I heard said it was in Glasgow.?

 

 

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16 minutes ago, F-UnitMad said:

The version I heard said it was in Glasgow.?

 

 

 

10 minutes ago, franciswilliamwebb said:

 

Same set-list...

 

2 hours ago, D-A-T said:

During a U2 concert in Leeds, Bono asked the audience for total quiet.

Then in the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands. Once every few seconds. Holding the audience in total silence, he said into the microphone "Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies."

From the front of the crowd, a broad Yorkshire accent pierced the quiet: "Well f*ck!n' stop doin' it then ya evil b@sta*d!”.

Wherever it is said to have happened, one thing I don't doubt at all, is that it did actually happen!! 😂😂👍👍

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4 hours ago, luckymucklebackit said:

I felt sorry for the hypnotist I went to see last night.

 

He had just finished hypnotising the seven men on the stage when he dropped the microphone on his foot and exclaimed  "F##k Me"

 

What happened next will haunt me for the rest of my life.😳

Were you one of the 'lucky' seven?

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Only ever saw one hypnotist which was in a local boozer.

 

After being egged on and "volunteered", he found he couldn't hypnotise me.

 

Funny how the people that could be hypnotised and were playing the silly games such as "being a shark" or "chicken" were all strangers.....

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On 30/05/2024 at 22:04, luckymucklebackit said:

 

Did they ever find the resin why he drowned?

At least we know his name was not Matt.

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5 minutes ago, Vistisen said:

At least we know his name was not Matt.

So you took a shine to him?

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Like when I got arrested for attacking someone with sandpaper. 

I just wanted to rough him up a bit, 

but we smoothed it over later.

 

Bye!

SLAM!!

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Anew Eskimo restaurant has opened up near me so I thought I would pop along and give it a try. The waiter apologised and said the menu had not arrived back frim the printers but he could recite the menu to me. "That's fine" I said, "Please do". "OK" said the waiter, "We have whale meat, whale meat, whale meat and the Vera Lynn". "What's the Vear Lynn?" I asked. The waiter replied "Whale meat again".........

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