RMweb Premium jbqfc Posted August 13 RMweb Premium Share Posted August 13 1 17 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Hroth Posted August 13 RMweb Gold Share Posted August 13 23 minutes ago, jbqfc said: Well, the soft furnishing department is always screamingly dull, I expect the bears couldn't take it any more.... 5 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold The Johnster Posted August 13 RMweb Gold Share Posted August 13 46 minutes ago, jbqfc said: The teddy bears, obviously. 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium J. S. Bach Posted August 13 RMweb Premium Share Posted August 13 27 minutes ago, The Johnster said: The teddy bears, obviously. Maybe after a few hours at the 4 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold franciswilliamwebb Posted August 13 RMweb Gold Share Posted August 13 1 hour ago, Hroth said: I expect the bears couldn't take it any more.... Some of them seem to be managing 😇 1 1 4 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post CameronL Posted August 13 Popular Post Share Posted August 13 SWMBO and I went for a pub lunch today. When the waitress took our order she asked: "Do either of you have any allergies or intolerances?" I couldn’t see how it was relevant, but she did ask, so I replied: "Yes. Hamsters make me sneeze and Jehovah's Witnesses really p1ss me off." 2 1 3 17 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
pH Posted August 13 Share Posted August 13 Two bears go for a job on a building site and are hired as labourers. The foreman takes them to the stores and has a set of tools issued to each of them - a pick, shovel and crowbar. He warns them to look after these tools - loss of any of them will mean firing. Returning from their lunch break on that first day, they find tools are missing - they only have shovels and crowbars left. They feel they have to admit to the foreman that they’ve lost tools - he’s going to find out anyway - so they go to him and say tools are missing. He says “You’re lucky. I didn’t tell you, but this is the one day in the year where it’s traditional for pranks to be played on our bears, and the bears are not held responsible for the results of the pranks. Yes, today’s the day the teddy bears have their picks nicked.” 8 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Hroth Posted August 13 RMweb Gold Share Posted August 13 1 hour ago, J. S. Bach said: Maybe after a few hours at the I prefer Henry Halls version.... 6 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Popular Post jbqfc Posted August 13 RMweb Premium Popular Post Share Posted August 13 4 4 14 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Popular Post PhilJ W Posted August 13 RMweb Premium Popular Post Share Posted August 13 I was told if you hold a kiwi fruit in one hand and a testicle in the other you would not be able to tell the difference so I recruited my wife to carry out an experiment to see if it were true We are now both banned from ASDA 1 3 17 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Hroth Posted August 13 RMweb Gold Share Posted August 13 3 minutes ago, PhilJ W said: I was told if you hold a kiwi fruit in one hand and a testicle in the other you would not be able to tell the difference so I recruited my wife to carry out an experiment to see if it were true We are now both banned from ASDA I would be worried if the texture of yours was similar to that of a kiwi fruit. Did you try "Guessing the weight of the melons" too?🤔 12 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
DK123GWR Posted August 13 Share Posted August 13 7 hours ago, AndrueC said: No-one ever suffered harm or died because they didn't have access to Sky It seems to have been a significant hardship for our former Prime Minister... 5 4 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
6990WitherslackHall Posted August 13 Share Posted August 13 48 minutes ago, jbqfc said: I posted that in the things that make you :) thread. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
CameronL Posted August 13 Share Posted August 13 3 hours ago, PhilJ W said: was told if you hold a kiwi fruit in one hand and a testicle in the other you would not be able to tell the difference Unless you give them a really good squeeze. The screaming tells you which is which. 8 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium BR60103 Posted August 14 RMweb Premium Share Posted August 14 My father heard that BBC outside broadcasts used to test their connections with a recording of the Grenadier Guards playing Teddy Bears' Picnic. 4 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Hroth Posted August 14 RMweb Gold Share Posted August 14 7 hours ago, CameronL said: Unless you give them a really good squeeze. The screaming tells you which is which. Kiwis do tend to be quite vocal. It'd certainly bring a new dimension to the Haka.... 10 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
CameronL Posted August 14 Share Posted August 14 (edited) 18 hours ago, jbqfc said: More like this than the Teddy Bear's Picnic. Edited August 14 by CameronL Problem with the link. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold The Johnster Posted August 14 RMweb Gold Share Posted August 14 At a wedding many years ago, the waiter came to our table and asked 'would any of you like some wine?' Response, in our best whingeing voices, 'oh, all right then, if we have to. My girlfriend simply faceplanted... 22 hours ago, J. S. Bach said: Maybe after a few hours at the You'll sure have a big surprise... Dem teddybears needs theys luvin' too! 3 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Popular Post JZ Posted August 15 RMweb Premium Popular Post Share Posted August 15 1 18 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold franciswilliamwebb Posted August 15 RMweb Gold Share Posted August 15 9 minutes ago, JZ said: Is that a spelling mistake or just my eyesight 😇 1 12 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Popular Post JZ Posted August 15 RMweb Premium Popular Post Share Posted August 15 A man is on his deathbed, and he asks his wife, “Martha, soon I will be gone forever, and there's something I have to know. In all these 50 years of marriage, have you ever been unfaithful to me?" Martha replied, "Well, Henry, I have to be honest with you. Yes, I've been unfaithful to you three times during these 50 years, but always for a good reason." Henry was obviously hurt by his wife's confession, but said, "I never suspected. Can you tell me what you mean by 'good reasons?'" Martha said, "The first time was shortly after we were married, and we were about to lose our little house because we couldn't pay the mortgage. Do you remember that one evening I went to see the banker, and the next day he notified you that the loan would be extended?" Henry recalled the visit to the banker and said, "I can forgive you for that. You saved our home, but what about the second time?" Martha asked, "And do you remember when you were so sick, but we didn't have the money to pay for the heart surgery you needed? Well, I went to see your doctor one night and, if you recall, he did the surgery at no charge." "I recall that," said Henry. "And you did it to save my life, so of course I can forgive you for that. Now tell me about the third time." "Alright," Martha said. "Do you remember when you ran for president of your golf club, and you needed 73 more votes?" 1 24 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Nick C Posted August 15 RMweb Gold Share Posted August 15 To the optimist, the glass is 1/2 full. To the pessimist, the glass is 1/2 empty. To Microsoft Excel, the glass is 1st February. 1 2 9 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium kevinlms Posted August 15 RMweb Premium Share Posted August 15 1 hour ago, JZ said: "Alright," Martha said. "Do you remember when you ran for president of your golf club, and you needed 73 more votes?" I wonder if she realised that she only needed 37 people to change their vote? 2 2 8 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium kevinlms Posted August 15 RMweb Premium Share Posted August 15 Just now, Nick C said: To the optimist, the glass is 1/2 full. To the pessimist, the glass is 1/2 empty. To Microsoft Excel, the glass is 1st February. To Americans, it would be 2nd January and almost exclusively so! 2 3 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Nick C Posted August 15 RMweb Gold Share Posted August 15 1 minute ago, kevinlms said: To Americans, it would be 2nd January and almost exclusively so! The original I saw said 2nd January, I anglicised it... 3 4 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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