RMweb Premium PhilJ W Posted June 6 RMweb Premium Share Posted June 6 1 11 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
CameronL Posted June 7 Share Posted June 7 1 1 3 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Popular Post Sidecar Racer Posted June 7 RMweb Premium Popular Post Share Posted June 7 "Tell people there's an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure.” 4 9 1 15 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
F-UnitMad Posted June 7 Share Posted June 7 9 hours ago, CameronL said: Off to The Tower with you...!!! 🤣🤣🤣 2 1 5 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt37268 Posted June 8 Share Posted June 8 On 04/06/2024 at 15:36, Obi-Jiff Kenobi said: Bit like vegans, really. How do can you tell if someone’s Vegan? Don’t worry, they’ll tell you. 6 2 3 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post steve1 Posted June 8 Popular Post Share Posted June 8 Time for a real joke. steve 2 1 2 25 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Popular Post Colin_McLeod Posted June 8 Author RMweb Gold Popular Post Share Posted June 8 A priest dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket and jeans. Saint Peter addresses this cool guy, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?" The guy replies, "I'm Jack, retired airline pilot from Houston." Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the pilot, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom." The pilot goes into Heaven with his robe and staff. Next, it's the priest's turn. He stands erect and booms out, "I am Father Bob, pastor of Saint Mary's for the last 43 years." Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the priest, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom." "Just a minute," says the good father. "That man was a pilot and he gets a silken robe and golden staff and I get only cotton and wood. How can this be?" "Up here - we go by results," says Saint Peter. "When you preached - people slept. When he flew, people prayed." 1 21 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold franciswilliamwebb Posted June 8 RMweb Gold Share Posted June 8 1 hour ago, steve1 said: Brilliant. But it's been an hour and no Sherlock's pointed out it just might have been photoshopped😮 2 1 1 6 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steamport Southport Posted June 8 Share Posted June 8 28 minutes ago, franciswilliamwebb said: Brilliant. But it's been an hour and no Sherlock's pointed out it just might have been photoshopped😮 Just didn't deserve a response as it is a bit insulting. 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steamport Southport Posted June 8 Share Posted June 8 England got beat by Iceland. Wales's next game is against Lidl as they couldn't even beat Gibraltar.... 8 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post CameronL Posted June 8 Popular Post Share Posted June 8 To get away from the lésé majesté .. An old lady went to the doctor. "How can we help you today?" the doctor asked. "I've got really bad constipation," she replied. "I can be two hours in the loo before anything happens." The doctor thought for a moment. "Do you take anything?" "Yes," she said. "I take my knitting." 3 18 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
CameronL Posted June 8 Share Posted June 8 1 minute ago, Steamport Southport said: England got beat by Iceland. Wales's next game is against Lidl as they couldn't even beat Gibraltar.... And Scotland have a really tough game coming up against the Co-op. They're famously good on corners. 1 9 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steamport Southport Posted June 8 Share Posted June 8 11 minutes ago, CameronL said: And Scotland have a really tough game coming up against the Co-op. They're famously good on corners. Keep them coming, you'll go Spar with these puns! 1 4 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
CameronL Posted June 8 Share Posted June 8 38 minutes ago, Steamport Southport said: Keep them coming I will, as long as anyone Asda time to read them.. 1 1 4 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrators AY Mod Posted June 8 Administrators Share Posted June 8 What is funny is users keep reporting jokes as political; when it doesn't suit their politics. But they seem to disregard the jokes that do actually breach the specified groups at the head of each page in the topic. 4 1 2 8 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Dunsignalling Posted June 8 RMweb Gold Share Posted June 8 (edited) 4 hours ago, Steamport Southport said: Just didn't deserve a response as it is a bit insulting. But, apparently, uncomfortably close to the truth.... Would have been so much funnier with one of those prize cases from Richard Osman's House of Games, though. Edited June 8 by Dunsignalling 2 3 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Dave 46 Posted June 8 RMweb Premium Share Posted June 8 How do you kill a French vampire? Drive a baguette through its heart. It sounds easy but the process is painstaking. 2 3 3 8 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
steve1 Posted June 9 Share Posted June 9 18 hours ago, Steamport Southport said: Just didn't deserve a response as it is a bit insulting. The insult was committed by the person with the suitcase. steve 3 10 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold franciswilliamwebb Posted June 9 RMweb Gold Share Posted June 9 (edited) 14 hours ago, AY Mod said: What is funny is users keep reporting jokes as political; when it doesn't suit their politics. As SWMBO is a councillor wearing the current opposition strip, I've found my politics have swung to the "absolutely, dear!" end of the spectrum in recent years. You know it makes sense 🤐 Edited June 9 by franciswilliamwebb 1 7 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Hroth Posted June 9 RMweb Gold Share Posted June 9 Given the current electoral apathy, people try to assuage their feelings of utter helplessness by posting jokes at all and sundry. Its to be expected that the Involved at either end of the spectrum will feel they're being got at. In order to settle tensions, I feel that I must post the most anodyne joke I can think of. Here goes. When is a door not a door? ... ... When its a jar. Ithenkyew! (If necessary, I can break open the reserve Christmas Cracker collection.) 2 7 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
billbedford Posted June 9 Share Posted June 9 15 hours ago, AY Mod said: What is funny is users keep reporting jokes as political; when it doesn't suit their politics. But they seem to disregard the jokes that do actually breach the specified groups at the head of each page in the topic. Bu**er this political correctness, I know who would get my vote: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nj3sFy23CPA 1 1 5 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrators AY Mod Posted June 9 Administrators Share Posted June 9 1 hour ago, franciswilliamwebb said: SWMBO is a councillor A frightening combination, be very wary if the phrase "Can you just fix that pothole at the end of the drive?"appears. One job leads to another... 1 1 1 10 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold franciswilliamwebb Posted June 9 RMweb Gold Share Posted June 9 13 minutes ago, AY Mod said: A frightening combination, be very wary if the phrase "Can you just fix that pothole at the end of the drive?". One job leads to another... Scarily enough, I've already been sent to check a pothole reported on a nearby island whilst dog-walking. By the time I got there it seemed to have been stolen, but that's Telford for you😉 (Actually it's location had been misreported, Telford has a very good app for logging these issues but geolocation data isn't entirely user proof) 6 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium JZ Posted June 9 RMweb Premium Share Posted June 9 On 08/06/2024 at 01:17, Matt37268 said: How do can you tell if someone’s Vegan? Don’t worry, they’ll tell you. 18 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
CameronL Posted June 9 Share Posted June 9 (edited) 1 hour ago, billbedford said: Bu**er this political correctness, I know who would get my vote: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nj3sFy23CPA Try this one. Nine years old but still scarily accurate. Edited June 9 by CameronL Better link. 6 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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