RMweb Premium Chris116 Posted April 17, 2023 RMweb Premium Share Posted April 17, 2023 40 minutes ago, NIK said: Snooker Championship: 'For those watching in black and white the green protester is behind the red' Somebody was watching Pot Black in their mis-spent youth! 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
CameronL Posted April 19, 2023 Share Posted April 19, 2023 It was a quiet afternoon in the pub. A very unhappy man walked in, up to the bar and asked the barman for a double whisky, which he then downed in one and asked for another. After five of these the barman said "Go easy, we're not closing for hours." "Give me another," the man replied. "What's the matter," asked the barman. "I've lived round here for thirty years," the man said. "I've worked all my career as the local builder, but does anybody say 'There goes Frank, the builder.'? No, they do not." "Is that a real problem?" "There's more. A few years ago I rescued a family from a burning house, but does anybody say 'There goes Frank, the hero.'? No, they do not." "And?" asked the barman, by now quite puzzled. "So, you build houses for thirty years but no-one calls you 'Frank the builder'.. You save lives but no-one calls you 'Frank the hero'. But you sh4g one sheep..." 11 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
KeithMacdonald Posted April 19, 2023 Share Posted April 19, 2023 Do you remember the old days at the fuel pumps? When all we had to worry about was mixing up petrol and diesel? Seems like there's an entirely new permutation to worry about now! 3 11 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium PhilJ W Posted April 19, 2023 RMweb Premium Share Posted April 19, 2023 22 minutes ago, KeithMacdonald said: Do you remember the old days at the fuel pumps? When all we had to worry about was mixing up petrol and diesel? Seems like there's an entirely new permutation to worry about now! Or fill an electric car with petrol. 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
NIK Posted April 19, 2023 Share Posted April 19, 2023 After a Scottish runner is disqualified from a race for using a car part of the way she claims she then handicapped herself by eating a deep fried Mars bar. 8 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
F-UnitMad Posted April 19, 2023 Share Posted April 19, 2023 56 minutes ago, PhilJ W said: Or fill an electric car with petrol. Exactly what the other picture you 'quoted' was depicting!! 😉🤦♂️ 3 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium kevinlms Posted April 20, 2023 RMweb Premium Share Posted April 20, 2023 (edited) 5 hours ago, KeithMacdonald said: Do you remember the old days at the fuel pumps? When all we had to worry about was mixing up petrol and diesel? Seems like there's an entirely new permutation to worry about now! We know that you want to go up close to her, to explain of course! Edited April 20, 2023 by kevinlms Missing word. 1 3 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RJS1977 Posted April 20, 2023 Share Posted April 20, 2023 ISTR back in the days when refuelling was allowed in Formula One, that a new team sent their car out for a few laps in the first practice session of the season, brought it back to the pits to refuel and then realised that the fuel flap was on the wrong side of the car... 4 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
NIK Posted April 20, 2023 Share Posted April 20, 2023 Spoiler Alert Its a launch Jim, but not as we know it. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
NIK Posted April 20, 2023 Share Posted April 20, 2023 'You know, in all this excitement I can't remember if five of my engines failed or six. Do you feel lucky punk, well do ya?.' 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium PhilJ W Posted April 20, 2023 RMweb Premium Share Posted April 20, 2023 6 3 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium J. S. Bach Posted April 20, 2023 RMweb Premium Share Posted April 20, 2023 (edited) For me, O scale models and shaky ½" scale fingers! Edited April 21, 2023 by J. S. Bach To do a minor edit. 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Dagworth Posted April 21, 2023 RMweb Gold Share Posted April 21, 2023 (edited) The Ten Commandments Of The Bass. (brought to mind by a bass player with six strings appearing on my stage this evening, I think we have had it before but it’s worth repeating) #1 "Thou shalt not f**k up the groove. F**k up the notes if thou must, but not the groove." #2 "Thou shalt not lust after thy guitar player's part. He keepeth the fun, thou keepeth the groove." #3 "Be thou not swayed by a drummer with crappy time, for thou art the keeper of the beat." #4 "Be thou not led into temptation before the gig. After is cool." #5 "Thou pusheth thy luck with five strings, six is a mortal sin, for thou hast no business in the upper register" #6 "Thou shalt not thump with thy thumb, nor honk with a pick when thy fingers are the way of truth." #7 "Thou shalt not fear whole notes, for they can be the way and the light." #8 "Thou shalt leave the fancy s**t to thy bandmates, so they might wrestle with their own bad taste." #9 "Thou shalt change thy strings at least once per decade, whether they need it or not." #10 "Thou shalt tune thy bass before each and every gig, even though it was in tune when last thou put it away" Edited April 21, 2023 by Dagworth 5 5 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Dunsignalling Posted April 21, 2023 RMweb Gold Share Posted April 21, 2023 24 minutes ago, Dagworth said: The Ten Commandments Of The Bass. (brought to mind by a bass player with six strings appearing on my stage this evening, I think we have had it before but it’s worth repeating) #1 "Thou shalt not f**k up the groove. F**k up the notes if thou must, but not the groove." #2 "Thou shalt not lust after thy guitar player's part. He keepeth the fun, thou keepeth the groove." #3 "Be thou not swayed by a drummer with crappy time, for thou art the keeper of the beat." #4 "Be thou not led into temptation before the gig. After is cool." #5 "Thou pusheth thy luck with five strings, six is a mortal sin, for thou hast no business in the upper register" #6 "Thou shalt not thump with thy thumb, nor honk with a pick when thy fingers are the way of truth." #7 "Thou shalt not fear whole notes, for they can be the way and the light." #8 "Thou shalt leave the fancy s**t to thy bandmates, so they might wrestle with their own bad taste." #9 "Thou shalt change thy strings at least once per decade, whether they need it or not." #10 "Thou shalt tune thy bass before each and every gig, even though it was in tune when last thou put it away" Shouldn't that list go up to eleven? 😉 1 1 1 7 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium kevinlms Posted April 22, 2023 RMweb Premium Share Posted April 22, 2023 "Mum, where do the bad rainbows go? Prism, dear. But it's only a light sentence" 5 13 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
proton Posted April 22, 2023 Share Posted April 22, 2023 Colourful humour. PBM 3 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold The Johnster Posted April 22, 2023 RMweb Gold Share Posted April 22, 2023 There's a pot of gold at the end of every rainbow. But it's always the other end... 2 5 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckymucklebackit Posted April 23, 2023 Share Posted April 23, 2023 15 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold tomparryharry Posted April 23, 2023 RMweb Gold Share Posted April 23, 2023 "What came first, the chicken, or the egg? "The potato! "What? "The potato! You can't have egg without chips! What are you, some kind of pervert? A genuine conversation between two work colleagues, at 3am on a nightshift.... 11 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium J. S. Bach Posted April 23, 2023 RMweb Premium Share Posted April 23, 2023 2 hours ago, tomparryharry said: "What came first, the chicken, or the egg? "The potato! ...snip... Wrong, it was the frying pan! Both the egg and the chicken were created to fill said pan. Hmmm, on second thought, so was the potato! 1 1 3 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
KeithMacdonald Posted April 23, 2023 Share Posted April 23, 2023 On 21/04/2023 at 19:07, Dunsignalling said: Shouldn't that list go up to eleven? 😉 Spinal Tap's model railway speed controller. 5 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
CameronL Posted April 24, 2023 Share Posted April 24, 2023 Did you know that Tottenham Hotspur - have something in common with a Class 31 diesel locomotive? Apparently they have the same wheel arrangement - 1 11 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Compound2632 Posted April 24, 2023 RMweb Premium Share Posted April 24, 2023 Ha, so the two wingers do all the work but the middle forward is a idler? 2 1 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Al51 Posted April 24, 2023 RMweb Premium Share Posted April 24, 2023 My dog's got no dictionary... 5 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Rich_F Posted April 24, 2023 RMweb Premium Share Posted April 24, 2023 28 minutes ago, Compound2632 said: Ha, so the two wingers do all the work but the middle forward is a idler? Unless there's a penalty to be taken........ 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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