Popular Post KeithMacdonald Posted March 12, 2023 Popular Post Share Posted March 12, 2023 Jacqueline and her husband Marc went for counselling after 25 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, Jacqueline went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 25 years they had been married. She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their marriage. Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and, after asking Jacqueline to stand and unbutton her blouse, he embraced her, put his hands on her breasts, and kissed her passionately as her husband Marc watched with a raised eyebrow. Jacqueline shut up, buttoned up her blouse, and quietly sat down as though in a daze. The therapist turned to Marc and said, 'This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?' Marc thought for a moment and replied, 'Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I've got golf. 3 1 24 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post KeithMacdonald Posted March 14, 2023 Popular Post Share Posted March 14, 2023 For any parents that have endured teenage children .... 1 20 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium J. S. Bach Posted March 14, 2023 RMweb Premium Share Posted March 14, 2023 Not funny at all. 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold slow8dirty Posted March 14, 2023 RMweb Gold Share Posted March 14, 2023 (edited) Yes it was. Being able to relate doesn't mean you don't love your kids unconditionally. Our kids know how much we love them, but Skyline & Supra appreciate the sacrifices we made for them as well. Edited March 14, 2023 by slow8dirty 2 6 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
KeithMacdonald Posted March 14, 2023 Share Posted March 14, 2023 19 minutes ago, slow8dirty said: Yes it was. Being able to relate doesn't mean you don't love your kids unconditionally. Our kids know how much we love them, but Skyline & Supra appreciate the sacrifices we made for them as well. Agreed. We've weathered that storm. Ten years ago we had revolting teenage children that were screaming "I HATE YOU". Wonderfully and magically, they have turned into happy well-adjusted young adults that tell us not to stay out too late 😀 4 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
NIK Posted March 14, 2023 Share Posted March 14, 2023 Other news: Scientists are tracking a rogue iceberg the size of London. It was the size of Wales but they waited until it was less of a cliché. 1 11 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Hroth Posted March 14, 2023 RMweb Gold Share Posted March 14, 2023 6 minutes ago, NIK said: Other news: Scientists are tracking a rogue iceberg the size of London. It was the size of Wales but they waited until it was less of a cliché. Cornish independence has triumphed too, they're also tracking one the size of Kernow! 1 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
NIK Posted March 14, 2023 Share Posted March 14, 2023 14 minutes ago, Hroth said: Cornish independence has triumphed too, they're also tracking one the size of Kernow! Is that Kernow, Kernow or Kernow, Guildford?. 2 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
jcredfer Posted March 14, 2023 Share Posted March 14, 2023 2 hours ago, NIK said: Is that Kernow, Kernow or Kernow, Guildford?. I don't kernow... ..... it's like coming up against a corn wall... 1 1 4 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold The Pilotman Posted March 15, 2023 RMweb Gold Share Posted March 15, 2023 16 hours ago, J. S. Bach said: Not funny at all. ???? Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post KeithMacdonald Posted March 15, 2023 Popular Post Share Posted March 15, 2023 2 1 30 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post KeithMacdonald Posted March 15, 2023 Popular Post Share Posted March 15, 2023 1 19 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post KeithMacdonald Posted March 15, 2023 Popular Post Share Posted March 15, 2023 6 1 18 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
NIK Posted March 15, 2023 Share Posted March 15, 2023 (edited) Millennials insist BBC iplayer must be renamed the 'me, me, me player'. Edited March 15, 2023 by NIK 8 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium J. S. Bach Posted March 16, 2023 RMweb Premium Share Posted March 16, 2023 5 hours ago, KeithMacdonald said: Maybe it is front of the door and the guy is behind it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium kevinlms Posted March 16, 2023 RMweb Premium Share Posted March 16, 2023 6 hours ago, KeithMacdonald said: Should say 'Pedants Society Meeting in this room behind the door Friday'. 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
CameronL Posted March 16, 2023 Share Posted March 16, 2023 A man was walking past a graveyard and heard sobbing and a very sad voice saying "Why? Why? Why did you have to die?" He followed the sobbing into the graveyard and saw a man draped over a gravestone, crying his eyes out. The gravestone had a man's name on it. He walked up and said to the man: "I'm sorry for your loss. Was it your brother?" The other man just shook his head and carried on weeping. "Oh, was it your father?" he asked. Shake of the head again. "Son?" No. "Uncle?" "Well, he must have been very close to you." The man stopped sobbing. "Not really," he replied. "He was my wife's first husband." 2 15 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Popular Post Bernard Lamb Posted March 16, 2023 RMweb Premium Popular Post Share Posted March 16, 2023 1 23 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
KeithMacdonald Posted March 16, 2023 Share Posted March 16, 2023 The New Improved and Inclusive Office Thesaurus Here's a list of New and Innovative 'TRY SAYING' phrases that have been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner. 1. Try Saying:I think you could do with more training Instead Of:You don't have a f***ing clue, do you? 2. Try Saying:She's an aggressive go-getter. Instead Of:She's a f***ing power-crazy b*tch 3. Try Saying:Perhaps I can work late Instead Of:And when the f*** do you expect me to do this? 4. Try Saying:I'm certain that isn't feasible Instead Of:F*** off you a*se- hole 5. Try Saying:Really? Instead Of:Well f*** me backwards with a telegraph pole 6. Try Saying:Perhaps you should check with... Instead Of:Tell someone who gives a f***. 7. Try Saying:I wasn't involved in the project. Instead Of:Not my f***ing problem. 8. Try Saying:That's interesting. Instead Of:What the f*** is this pile of shyte? 9. Try Saying:I'm not sure this can be implemented within the given timescale. Instead Of:No f***ing chance mate. 10. Try Saying:It will be tight, but I'll try to schedule it in Instead Of:Why the f*** didn't you tell me that yesterday? 11. Try Saying:He's not familiar with the issues Instead Of:He's got his head up his f***ing a*se. 12. Try Saying:Excuse me, sir? Instead Of:Oi, f*** face. 13. Try Saying:Of course, I was only going to be at home anyway Instead Of:Yeah, who needs f***ing holidays anyway. 14. Try Saying:I don't think it was supposed to turn out like that Instead Of:I see the f**k up fairy has visited again then 15 Try Saying:Sorry - I didn't quite catch that Instead Of:What the f**k are you wittering on about this time ? 16 Try SayingDo you really think so ? Instead Of:No sh*t Sherlock 17 Try Saying:Do you think that's appropriate work wear for the office ? Instead OfHave you seen the f**king state of that ? 18 Try Saying:There is a cleaner required in the lavatories Instead Of:I'd give that a while if I was you 19 Try Saying:He's / she's quite attractive Instead Of:I'd do it 20 Try Saying:He does have a tendency to procrastinate Instead Of:He's so f**king boring, I am losing the will to live 21 Try Saying:It's so nice to be in a busy office environment Instead Of:Why don't you all just shut the f**k up Note: At your discretion, this may be performed aloud in the style of Stanley Baxter and Parliamo Glasgow 15 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
CameronL Posted March 16, 2023 Share Posted March 16, 2023 16 hours ago, kevinlms said: Should say 'Pedants Society Meeting in this room behind the door Friday'. It should also say "Pedants' Society". The apostrophe is essential! 6 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Hroth Posted March 16, 2023 RMweb Gold Share Posted March 16, 2023 20 minutes ago, KeithMacdonald said: The New Improved and Inclusive Office Thesaurus Here's a list of New and Innovative 'TRY SAYING' phrases that have been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner. 1. Try Saying:I think you could do with more training Instead Of:You don't have a f***ing clue, do you? 2. Try Saying:She's an aggressive go-getter. Instead Of:She's a f***ing power-crazy b*tch 3. Try Saying:Perhaps I can work late Instead Of:And when the f*** do you expect me to do this? 4. Try Saying:I'm certain that isn't feasible Instead Of:F*** off you a*se- hole 5. Try Saying:Really? Instead Of:Well f*** me backwards with a telegraph pole 6. Try Saying:Perhaps you should check with... Instead Of:Tell someone who gives a f***. 7. Try Saying:I wasn't involved in the project. Instead Of:Not my f***ing problem. 8. Try Saying:That's interesting. Instead Of:What the f*** is this pile of shyte? 9. Try Saying:I'm not sure this can be implemented within the given timescale. Instead Of:No f***ing chance mate. 10. Try Saying:It will be tight, but I'll try to schedule it in Instead Of:Why the f*** didn't you tell me that yesterday? 11. Try Saying:He's not familiar with the issues Instead Of:He's got his head up his f***ing a*se. 12. Try Saying:Excuse me, sir? Instead Of:Oi, f*** face. 13. Try Saying:Of course, I was only going to be at home anyway Instead Of:Yeah, who needs f***ing holidays anyway. 14. Try Saying:I don't think it was supposed to turn out like that Instead Of:I see the f**k up fairy has visited again then 15 Try Saying:Sorry - I didn't quite catch that Instead Of:What the f**k are you wittering on about this time ? 16 Try SayingDo you really think so ? Instead Of:No sh*t Sherlock 17 Try Saying:Do you think that's appropriate work wear for the office ? Instead OfHave you seen the f**king state of that ? 18 Try Saying:There is a cleaner required in the lavatories Instead Of:I'd give that a while if I was you 19 Try Saying:He's / she's quite attractive Instead Of:I'd do it 20 Try Saying:He does have a tendency to procrastinate Instead Of:He's so f**king boring, I am losing the will to live 21 Try Saying:It's so nice to be in a busy office environment Instead Of:Why don't you all just shut the f**k up Note: At your discretion, this may be performed aloud in the style of Stanley Baxter and Parliamo Glasgow TBH, the originals have charm and immediacy compared with the po-faced, circumlocutory suggested alternatives. Perhaps there's a more direct way of saying that.... 🤔 7 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
CameronL Posted March 16, 2023 Share Posted March 16, 2023 (edited) 30 minutes ago, Hroth said: TBH, the originals have charm and immediacy compared with the po-faced, circumlocutory suggested alternatives. Perhaps there's a more direct way of saying that.... 🤔 There is - "I prefer the "Instead Of"s. The "Try Saying" ones are b0ll0cks. (Less than half the syllables) Edited March 16, 2023 by CameronL Added a bit 5 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Hroth Posted March 16, 2023 RMweb Gold Share Posted March 16, 2023 3 hours ago, CameronL said: There is - "I prefer the "Instead Of"s. The "Try Saying" ones are b0ll0cks. (Less than half the syllables) To get in the full spirit of the "Instead Of"s, you might say "The "Try Saying" ones are effing b0ll0cks". Much more satisfying! 2 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Hroth Posted March 17, 2023 RMweb Gold Share Posted March 17, 2023 (edited) 15 hours ago, KeithMacdonald said: The New Improved and Inclusive Office Thesaurus Here's a list of New and Innovative 'TRY SAYING' phrases that have been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner. 1. Try Saying:I think you could do with more training Instead Of:You don't have a f***ing clue, do you? 2. Try Saying:She's an aggressive go-getter. Instead Of:She's a f***ing power-crazy b*tch 3. Try Saying:Perhaps I can work late Instead Of:And when the f*** do you expect me to do this? 4. Try Saying:I'm certain that isn't feasible Instead Of:F*** off you a*se- hole 5. Try Saying:Really? Instead Of:Well f*** me backwards with a telegraph pole 6. Try Saying:Perhaps you should check with... Instead Of:Tell someone who gives a f***. 7. Try Saying:I wasn't involved in the project. Instead Of:Not my f***ing problem. 8. Try Saying:That's interesting. Instead Of:What the f*** is this pile of shyte? 9. Try Saying:I'm not sure this can be implemented within the given timescale. Instead Of:No f***ing chance mate. 10. Try Saying:It will be tight, but I'll try to schedule it in Instead Of:Why the f*** didn't you tell me that yesterday? 11. Try Saying:He's not familiar with the issues Instead Of:He's got his head up his f***ing a*se. 12. Try Saying:Excuse me, sir? Instead Of:Oi, f*** face. 13. Try Saying:Of course, I was only going to be at home anyway Instead Of:Yeah, who needs f***ing holidays anyway. 14. Try Saying:I don't think it was supposed to turn out like that Instead Of:I see the f**k up fairy has visited again then 15 Try Saying:Sorry - I didn't quite catch that Instead Of:What the f**k are you wittering on about this time ? 16 Try SayingDo you really think so ? Instead Of:No sh*t Sherlock 17 Try Saying:Do you think that's appropriate work wear for the office ? Instead OfHave you seen the f**king state of that ? 18 Try Saying:There is a cleaner required in the lavatories Instead Of:I'd give that a while if I was you 19 Try Saying:He's / she's quite attractive Instead Of:I'd do it 20 Try Saying:He does have a tendency to procrastinate Instead Of:He's so f**king boring, I am losing the will to live 21 Try Saying:It's so nice to be in a busy office environment Instead Of:Why don't you all just shut the f**k up Note: At your discretion, this may be performed aloud in the style of Stanley Baxter and Parliamo Glasgow Regards all this, have you heard about the new Oxfam guide to language usage? It takes the above and runs with it! BTW, it also states that the use of English is to be deprecated as it's a Colonial Language... TBH I think it's some kind of wind-up by people with too much time on their hands. Edited March 17, 2023 by Hroth Got three letters and a word wrong, corrected, the rest stands. 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Compound2632 Posted March 17, 2023 RMweb Premium Share Posted March 17, 2023 43 minutes ago, Hroth said: Regards all this, have you heard about the new Oxford University guide to language usage? It takes the above and runs with it! BTW, it also states that the use of English is to be deprecated as it's a Colonial Language... TBH I think it's some kind of wind-up by people with too much time on their hands. Is that so? I can only find the 1994 edition. Please give a page reference and some elucidation of the context for this statement. 1 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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