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The Forum Jokes Thread


Colin_McLeod
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Sexist, racist or religious jokes aren't funny - keep them to yourself!

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12 minutes ago, luckymucklebackit said:

My friend claims he can build a gun using his new 3D printer.

But I’m not impressed. I’ve had a canon printer for years.

 

Cue the obvious ...

My friend wanted to get a bigger family.

So I told him to get a Brother printer.

 

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3 hours ago, KeithMacdonald said:

Cue the obvious ...

My friend wanted to get a bigger family.

So I told him to get a Brother printer.

 

And an even more pathetically obvious one...

 

My friend Ep and his wife had five daughters, and he desperately wanted a son

(So he could justify getting a toy train set model railway)

So I told him to get a Epson printer.

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A welcoming message in a recent Next-door Neighbour chat.

 

 

Quote:-   We moved here 2 years ago and love it. So much to do. Xxxxxxx has a choir,a bras band,a Freemason's Lodge,the Goose Fair,a cinema club,gardening events and much,much more. Good luck.  -: Endquote

 

 

Good luck???....   they might need it!   What with the bras band and Goose fair, the newcomer might wonder what "events" are going on in their gardens and how they have time for all the other things.....     🧐

 

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23 minutes ago, jcredfer said:

Cue for...

My printer is so ancient and slow, it can never Ketchup.

 

That one is so bad that it almost made me want to hit the "Ignore this topic" button! 🙀

 

Edited by J. S. Bach
To do a minor edit.
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6 hours ago, luckymucklebackit said:

My friend claims he can build a gun using his new 3D printer.

But I’m not impressed. I’ve had a canon printer for years.

 

A friends canon went bang the other day....

 

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On 03/12/2022 at 09:09, Hroth said:

 

It does.

He "might" have served in WW1 and done an act of valour to be awarded it, otherwise if too late for that show, as a serving policeman in WW2 he would only be entitled to the WW2 Defence Medal ?  

 

As a serving policeman and if the act of bravery was great enough, would he not have been entitled to the George Medal?

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5 hours ago, Mark Saunders said:

There is an urban myth that there is another one that points the other way while making a ticking sound!

If you look carefully around, there is probably a red button, which when you press it, causes both green lights to flash at the same time AND the ticking sounds!

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14 hours ago, steve1 said:

steve 

935CA253-044C-4AB7-85A1-75BD194C815A.jpeg

I like the two horn logos on the steering wheel. 
“out of the way, I’m turning left” press the left one as you turn the wheel 

 

Andi

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11 hours ago, kevinlms said:

If you look carefully around, there is probably a red button, which when you press it, causes both green lights to flash at the same time AND the ticking sounds!


 

Ahhh the magical I can park anywhere, I will only be a few minutes function…

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3 minutes ago, Jonboy said:


 

Ahhh the magical I can park abandon it anywhere, I will only be a few minutes function…

 

There - FIFY

 

It seems to be a common feature of white vans.

Edited by newbryford
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