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The Forum Jokes Thread


Colin_McLeod
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Sexist, racist or religious jokes aren't funny - keep them to yourself!

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3 hours ago, jcm@gwr said:

 

By definition, your location says you live there, if you weren't happy with people 

making that assumption, maybe add the word ex-pat!

(you only have yourself to blame!)

Reading the last couple of pages on the new Covid 19 thread, I'm glad I no longer live in the UK. 

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2 hours ago, Obi-Jiff Kenobi said:

Mary had a little pig

She could not stop it gruntin'

She took it up the garden path

And kicked its little rump in

 

Big seven!

 

Was going to post that one but the version I knew had a much more profane last line so I thought better of it!

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50 minutes ago, Steamport Southport said:

 

Half the posts in that thread aren't from people in the UK....

Don't care, I gave up on the sentiments!

 

WTF is this? 'Confusing', 'arrogant', 'black and white', 'good and bad', 'moment's thought', 'hazard a guess', 'depressed cynicism in my attitude'.

 

What ever happened to the notion of plain and clear speaking?

 

 

The press and media certainly would. They'd also be at the forefront of shouting "confusing!"

 

And, sad to say (and as arrogant as it sounds) I do think a lot of people would too, the desire to see things in black and white, good and bad, simple, straightforward terms and never having to give a moment's thought to anything seems pretty strong. Although I wouldn't like to hazard a guess just what proportion "a lot" is, and there's probably a strong element of depressed cynicism in my attitude.

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Why engage in a diatribe against a post I made in the Covid thread in this one? In any case it's a perfectly suitable expression of my thoughts and feelings on the aspect under discussion at the time. It wasn't an entry in a technical manual or a press release.

 

There's nothing wrong in using common colloquial expressions like "a moment's thought" or "hazard a guess" in a general conversation, and things being labelled as "confusing" is what the discussion was about at the time.

 

As for cynical and depressed, I am. I mentioned it to acknowledge that it may be influencing my view.

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39 minutes ago, Reorte said:

Why engage in a diatribe against a post I made in the Covid thread in this one? In any case it's a perfectly suitable expression of my thoughts and feelings on the aspect under discussion at the time. It wasn't an entry in a technical manual or a press release.

 

There's nothing wrong in using common colloquial expressions like "a moment's thought" or "hazard a guess" in a general conversation, and things being labelled as "confusing" is what the discussion was about at the time.

 

As for cynical and depressed, I am. I mentioned it to acknowledge that it may be influencing my view.

It was a response to a question I was asked. It seemed a classic example as to why.

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1 minute ago, kevinlms said:

It was a response to a question I was asked. It seemed a classic example as to why.

What, because it's got people expressing their opinions on the subject (in that particular example the subject being the media accusation of "confusing" messages from the government), and doing so using common colloquial expressions?

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My comment was a statement of fact. Most people in that thread arguing about UK Covid rules aren't even in the UK!

 

Why people can't understand it's over is the only question I will ask. Oh and why people from France, US and Australia are commenting on what is happening in the UK is another.

 

It's over. Get over it. Time to move on. Follow the rules.

 

People are just arguing for the sake of arguing now. Backed up by made up facts and thinly veiled political opinion.

 

 

Here's a joke. I have a whole packet of them....

 

How did the penguin pass his driving test?

 

He winged it!

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15 minutes ago, Steamport Southport said:

My comment was a statement of fact. Most people in that thread arguing about UK Covid rules aren't even in the UK!

 

Why people can't understand it's over is the only question I will ask. Oh and why people from France, US and Australia are commenting on what is happening in the UK is another.

 

It's over. Get over it. Time to move on. Follow the rules.

 

People are just arguing for the sake of arguing now. Backed up by made up facts and thinly veiled political opinion.

 

 

Here's a joke. I have a whole packet of them....

 

How did the penguin pass his driving test?

 

He winged it!

Don't worry, I've opted to ignore that other topic, so rest easy!

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5 hours ago, Obi-Jiff Kenobi said:

Mary had a little pig

She could not stop it gruntin'

She took it up the garden path

And kicked its little rump in

 

Big seven!

 

3 hours ago, luckymucklebackit said:

 

Was going to post that one but the version I knew had a much more profane last line so I thought better of it!

That was why the Vicar interrupted for more tea when I posted it!

 

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47 minutes ago, Colin_McLeod said:

 

Joke of the week  :)

 

 

Ostrich's head in the sand springs to mind    :)

 

 

In what way isn't it over?

 

Everything is open again on Monday. In some places you might have to wear a mask. Not a big deal.

 

Most people over 18 have had their jabs. What are we meant to do? Stay in until there is no more nasty bogeyman?

 

 

If people want to sit in their little safe space under the stairs that's their choice, but can the rest of us get back to normal now please?

 

 

 

But you were warned....

 

How does a Penguin build its house?

 

Igloos it together!

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3 hours ago, Ramblin Rich said:

Back on topic:

 

I saw a sheep in a swimming costume today, driving a very fast Italian sports car.

 

It was a Lamb-bikini


Have you been listening to Radio Wales? ;)

 

This joke being given in an advert for the Breakfast Show as an example of lolly ice stick jokes, which it seems may be making a come back!

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8 hours ago, Ruffnut Thorston said:

Have you been listening to Radio Wales?

 

I've only ever listened to Radio Wales/Cymru by accident, and not for long; even shorter in the case of Cymru.....

 

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Radio Wales is my choice of station, it seems that they may be using my Spotify playlists for a lot of the radio playlist.

 

Either that, or it’s a total coincidence that a very high percentage of tracks played are on one of my lists! ;)

 

I have been known to have Radio Cymru on as I like the sound of the language, not that I can understand much Welsh. Unfortunately I have not actually learned Welsh, going to the wrong school for that! :(

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1 hour ago, The Johnster said:

I find the English subtitles particularly ineffective on Radio Cymru…

Many years ago now I used to work for the Midlands depot of a South Wales transport company. We covered North Wales, and people's faces there were a picture, when you got out of an obviously Welsh truck, and asked for directions in an English accent to an Industrial Estate which you couldn't pronounce the name of.... :rolleyes:

 

Deep joy. :no:

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