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The Forum Jokes Thread


Colin_McLeod
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Sexist, racist or religious jokes aren't funny - keep them to yourself!

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1 hour ago, Ruffnut Thorston said:

Well, I think that I have seen this on various RMWeb threads three times now...;)

 

So...this makes number four?

I think you're safe.

 

Given the number of times "professional footballers" try to get away with it every weekend,  4 times here is pretty small beer!

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11 hours ago, Compound2632 said:

 

Because it's not pedestrians crossing the road at one particular place but pedestrians in the road over a length of road. The standard pedestrian crossing sign depicts a pedestrian crossing on a pedestrian crossing.

So it's better to use a sign that few understand, rather than a wrong one? I think I actually meant this one, described as 'Pedestrians Ahead'.

 

There is frequently lots of discussion on signage for level crossings and how inadequate they are, especially rural ones, yet that sign is somehow acceptable?

 

image.png.232bba718c6c569ad5f5445eacbd680f.png

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2 minutes ago, kevinlms said:

I think I actually meant this one, described as 'Pedestrians Ahead'.

 

Yes, that's the one that should have been used. Our usual family response on meeting the sign in @Baby Deltic's photo is a chorus of "Beware of giant exclamation marks!". Not quite as good as "Slow old people crossing", "Heavy plant crossing", or my personal favourite, "Humped zebra crossing".

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11 hours ago, Enterprisingwestern said:

 

He's a German who makes English people laugh though.

 

Mike.

Quite a lot of Germans make English people laugh, though.

Not always intentionally, of course....

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1 hour ago, F-UnitMad said:

Quite a lot of Germans make English people laugh, though.

Not always intentionally, of course....

Oi! Watch it.

 A Saxon rather than a generic German joke.

What does a Saxon say when he wants to buy a small Christmas tree?

Attention.

Bernard

 

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2 hours ago, Compound2632 said:

 

Yes, that's the one that should have been used. Our usual family response on meeting the sign in @Baby Deltic's photo is a chorus of "Beware of giant exclamation marks!". Not quite as good as "Slow old people crossing", "Heavy plant crossing", or my personal favourite, "Humped zebra crossing".

Hi,

 

Whenever I see 'Heavy Plant Crossing' I look out for triffids.

 

When I see 'Toad Crossing' I put on Kermit's voice and say 'Permit The Frog'.

 

Regards

 

Nick

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8 minutes ago, luckymucklebackit said:

What is green and goes red at the flick of a switch?

 

A Frog in a Liquidiser  (or as we know it, a frog juicer):D

I heard it as Kermit the frog in a blender. :biggrin_mini:

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So the computer programmer says to his wife - "I'm off up the shop, do we need anything?"

Wife says - "sure, get a gallon of milk, if they have eggs, get a dozen"

 

Hubby returns a while later and puts 12 gallons of milk in the fridge...

Wife say - "What's with all the milk?"

Hubby - "They had eggs!"

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1 hour ago, Ian Abel said:

So the computer programmer says to his wife - "I'm off up the shop, do we need anything?"

Wife says - "sure, get a gallon of milk, if they have eggs, get a dozen"

 

Hubby returns a while later and puts 12 gallons of milk in the fridge...

Wife say - "What's with all the milk?"

Hubby - "They had eggs!"

 

There were some remarks being made elsewhere about gender balance in the software industry, with the observation that women make better programmers. So I'm inclined to suspect the premise of this joke. I don't think it works either way round anyway: what husband would follow instructions so closely? What wife would submit to being given such instructions by her husband?

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a literary reference from FIAsco, journal of the Institute of Actuaries:

 

Cathy, you must marry Edgar Linton, not that awful Heathcliff.

 

But, Papa, he's an actuary!

 

 

 

Forty years on, I've started to wonder: which of the guys is the actuary? I started thinking it was Linton...

 

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