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The Forum Jokes Thread


Colin_McLeod
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Sexist, racist or religious jokes aren't funny - keep them to yourself!

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3 hours ago, exmoordave said:

A Tibetan monk has just claimed he saw the face of his personal deity in a tub of margarine.  he said, "I can't believe it's not Buddha"....... 

I'd have a fiver on the dalai lama.....if i was a tibetan man.........

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I can’t remember who said this, but from personal experience they were 100% right.

‘90% of marriage is shouting ‘what?’ to each other from different rooms’.


I do know who said this next one, it was Jimmy Carr, so apologies of this offends anyone.



‘Have you ever noticed that you always have the best sex in hotels?....................................





……………. Is that because it’s with hookers?’

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Jimmy Carr is a very skilled comedian, an undoubtedly craftsman at his trade, but there seems to me to be something off about him, a sort of underlying seediness that I can't quite put my finger on (and would scrub it clean afterwards if I could) that suggests that this is not a joke, but the voice of experience.  I might be wrong, he might well be a thoroughly decent chap, but even if it's a joy to watch a craftsman at work, he makes my flesh creep...

 

Tony Blackburn has the same effect on me, but he's nowhere near as funny!

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1 hour ago, The Johnster said:

Jimmy Carr is a very skilled comedian, an undoubtedly craftsman at his trade, but there seems to me to be something off about him, a sort of underlying seediness that I can't quite put my finger on (and would scrub it clean afterwards if I could) that suggests that this is not a joke, but the voice of experience.  I might be wrong, he might well be a thoroughly decent chap, but even if it's a joy to watch a craftsman at work, he makes my flesh creep...

 

Tony Blackburn has the same effect on me, but he's nowhere near as funny!


I have heard some interviews, and from what I have seen it is a stage persona. On his desert island discs he came across and really lovely, and devoted to his wife, whose initial description of him was something like 'A one joke comedian with serial killer eyes', she was a talent scout, so he has that in writing. Still she accepted an invite to dinner with him.

My other favourite Jimmy Car joke is not seedy, but is very much of the 90’s.

‘Why do the monkeys keep getting lost?’

‘Jungle is massive.’*

You did have to be there at the time though. * A marketing phrase for Jungle Music (Drum & Bass) at the time.

Perhaps we should, go back to discussing Ringo’s drumming after all.

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15 minutes ago, Jamiel said:

I have heard some interviews, and from what I have seen it is a stage persona. 

 

9 minutes ago, The Johnster said:

A very effective one, then.

 

Or he has an effective interview persona?

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