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The Forum Jokes Thread


Colin_McLeod
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Sexist, racist or religious jokes aren't funny - keep them to yourself!

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15 minutes ago, Hroth said:

Then there's the new kid on the block...

 

I'm sorry but if that's intended as a new-build replica something went seriously wrong at the design stage...

 

It's a nice colour, though, and will be even better once lined out straw and black and varnished.

Edited by Compound2632
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4 minutes ago, Compound2632 said:

 

I'm sorry but if that's intended as a new-build replica something went seriously wrong at the design stage...

 

Perhaps Bowen-Cooke suddenly decided he wanted a bit more than 21.7k lbf tractive effort...

 

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It's a nice colour, though, and will be even better once lined out straw and black and varnished.

 

Its a bit insipid at the moment, Black will do....

Edited by Hroth
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An Aberdonian Woman's husband has just passed away. She goes into the local newspaper office to put a death notice in the paper.

She hands the receptionist a piece of paper, and on it is written:

Jock Reid, Aberdeen, Dead.

The receptionist says that she can have up to seven words for the same price, but she has only used four.

The woman has a think, and writes on the piece of paper, and hands it back.

Jock Reid, Aberdeen, Dead, Volvo for sale.

 

Jim

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4 hours ago, F-UnitMad said:

Off to The Tower with you!!! :nono:   :lol:

 

The Prince of Wales was a battleship, sunk in Dec 1941 along with Repulse, by the Japanese, just days after their attack on Pearl Harbor.

 

The new Prince of Wales is doing its best to sink itself without help from other nations.

 

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Prince of Wales has been stranded for six months after flooding destroyed electrics on board for a second time.

 

As previously said, not to be confused with the other Prince of Wales.

 

One is an incredibly expensive folly that's not fit for purpose, designed for an obsolete role, and needs continual maintainance at great public expense.

 

The other is an aircraft carrier.

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8 hours ago, CameronL said:

"Prince of Wales"? What's the difference between this Prince of Wales and the other one?

 

One is the preserved relic of a bygone era that requires a lot of maintenance to allow it to continue emitting vast quantities of hot air.

 

The other one's a steam engine 

That actually made me laugh out loud! :yahoo_mini:

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The other vitally important and largely unrecorded battle was Catraeth (possibly Catterick) in c600CE.  This was the massively strategic victory for the Angles of Bernicia and Deira (later Northumbria) over the Britons of the 'Hen Gogledd' (Welsh = 'Old North') that cleared ground for them to the west coast of England, splitting the Celtic kingdoms of the Welsh and Strathclyde Britons geographically and establishing control over an area we would now recognise as England.  It is mostly recorded in a Strathclyde British epic poem written in Welsh at Dumbarton shortly afterwards, the Goddodin, written shortly after by the bard Aneurin, recording the British heroes gathered by the King Mynyddod, whose seat was at Caer Edyn (Edinburgh).

 

The probablility is that the Britons fought Celtic style . despite what they should have learned from the Romans, which involves champions and single combat, or, if main battle is joined, each warrior singling out an enemy opponent and challenging him to individual combat for glory.  This is never going to turn out well against a well prepared and positioned Saxon shield wall or against the Seax, the formidable hand axe that the Saxons took their name from.  This combination came very close to defeating the Normans at Hastings, and they had probably the best heavy armoured cavalry in the world at that time.!

 

The Britons, for all their heroes, were wiped out; this is probably the most important battle in the history of Engand, though it's emergence as a single nation had to wait a few more centuries.  After it, the British Kingdoms were disunited into 3 areas; Cornwall and Wales had already been separated by the West Saxons and now Strathclyde was isolated as well.  It held on until 870C£, when the last stronghold at Dumbarton succumbed to the Viking, but the Scots had already established the ascendancy north of Hadrian's Wall under Constantine the first by then.  The battle seems to have been in the form of a besiegement of the Angles who were inside a fortification; Aneurin states that each one of the 300, whom he names and records the attributes of individually, ending each description with the line 'but he was not Arthur, and he fed the ravens at the walls of Catraeth'. 

 

Us Welsh loves a bit of doom and gloom, we does; we are much happier losing battles and moaning about it than if we'd won...  Strange, though, that it is better remembered among us than among the English.

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16 minutes ago, Stubby47 said:

^^ still waiting for the punchline...

 

Completely overrated.....

 

Perhaps we ought to create a community joke?  Here, I'll start one.

 

Knock Knock

 

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10 minutes ago, Hroth said:

 

Completely overrated.....

 

Perhaps we ought to create a community joke?  Here, I'll start one.

 

Knock Knock

 

 

Swear word alert.

 

 

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On 24/03/2021 at 23:11, Compound2632 said:

 

I'm sorry but if that's intended as a new-build replica something went seriously wrong at the design stage...

 

It's a nice colour, though, and will be even better once lined out straw and black and varnished.

A late member of my miniature railway club built a nice model of an A3. He did a nice job of painting it in LMS livery and lettering. It looked very smart, but weird!

 

Not sure I understand why people do such things.

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2 hours ago, peanuts said:

A true story from the pages of the Manchester

Evening News . . .

Last week a passenger in a taxi heading for Salford station leaned over to ask the driver a question and gently tapped him on the shoulder to get his attention.

The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the kerb and stopped just inches from a large plate window.

For a few moments everything was silent in the cab. Then the shaking driver said "Are you OK? I'm so sorry, but you scared the daylights out of me."

The badly shaken passenger apologized to the driver and said, "I didn't realise that a mere tap on the shoulder would startle someone so badly."

The driver replied, "No, no, I'm the one who is sorry, it's entirely my fault. Today is my very first day driving a cab.

I've been driving a hearse for 25 years."

animated-laughing-image-0063.gif

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On 24/03/2021 at 13:05, luckymucklebackit said:

An Aberdonian Woman's husband has just passed away. She goes into the local newspaper office to put a death notice in the paper.

She hands the receptionist a piece of paper, and on it is written:

Jock Reid, Aberdeen, Dead.

The receptionist says that she can have up to seven words for the same price, but she has only used four.

The woman has a think, and writes on the piece of paper, and hands it back.

Jock Reid, Aberdeen, Dead, Volvo for sale.

 

Jim

 

It's even funnier in the original Doric. :D

 

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Another true story.
 

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Rhea birds running wild on Hertfordshire housing estate

Up to 20 rhea birds that have been running around a housing estate will be sent to an animal reserve when captured, police said. PC Christian Gottmann, from the Rickmansworth and District Safer Neighbourhood Team, said the birds were "an unusual sight on the streets" and that police and Three Rivers District Council were working on a plan to capture and rehome them.

 

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-beds-bucks-herts-56535979

 

I can neither confirm nor deny whether police said they were on A Road To Hell, or we're a Fool (If You Think It's Over). Some Stainsby Girls are helping with enquiries, and police are also Looking for the Summer.

 

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