The Forum Jokes Thread

[Enterprisingwestern]

12 hours ago, peanuts said:

 

, and that is social networking in a nutshell!

 

Mike.

[luckymucklebackit]

The big ship on the Clyde yesterday, note the deck crammed with stealth bombers

 

Jim

[CameronL]

15 hours ago, peanuts said:

If I read the Tweet correctly  it says that aircraft aren't allowed to fly below 6,000 feet in an area they're not allowed to fly in at all. Everyone relax: the country is in safe hands.

[chris p bacon]

3 minutes ago, CameronL said:

If I read the Tweet correctly  it says that aircraft aren't allowed to fly below 6,000 feet in an area they're not allowed to fly in at all. Everyone relax: the country is in safe hands.

It's Police Scotland, they run everything past the First Minister before posting, hence the incoherence...

 

She then promptly forgets what was asked..

[Bernard Lamb]

9 minutes ago, CameronL said:

If I read the Tweet correctly  it says that aircraft aren't allowed to fly below 6,000 feet in an area they're not allowed to fly in at all. Everyone relax: the country is in safe hands.

It would seem that basic maths is not an essential requirement to join the police force in Scotland.

Bernard

[Hroth]

3 hours ago, luckymucklebackit said:

The big ship on the Clyde yesterday, note the deck crammed with stealth bombers

 

Jim

 

You know, lets design a boat and make it instantly recognisable through a periscope...

[Obi-Jiff Kenobi]

If a sub is close enough to see it through a periscope, it's too late to worry about what it looks like!

[Hroth]

14 hours ago, Baby Deltic said:

 

If you go out wearing a newspaper on your head for a bet...

 

Anyhow, its the blokes in the business suits haveing a meeting that worry me.

 

[peach james]

2 hours ago, Hroth said:

 

You know, lets design a boat and make it instantly recognisable through a periscope...

If they are close enough to see it with a periscope, it's a flaming datum waiting to happen... and one island or two, it's going to get 4x 533mm torps...

 

[J. S. Bach]

6 hours ago, Hroth said:

 

If you go out wearing a newspaper on your head for a bet...

 

Anyhow, its the blokes in the business suits haveing a meeting that worry me.

 

It is what the cat is plotting that would bother me.

[KeithMacdonald]

10 hours ago, luckymucklebackit said:

The big ship on the Clyde yesterday, note the deck crammed with stealth bombers

 

Jim

 

I wonder what the warranty is like on that paint job? Looks like it needs a refit already!

[Hroth]

44 minutes ago, J. S. Bach said:

It is what the cat is plotting that would bother me.

 

The cat is probably waiting for someone to kick off their shoes, so it can sick up that mouse he caught around the back by the bins...

[Baby Deltic]

[jbqfc]

Q: How many forum members does it take to change a light bulb ?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.

7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.

17 purists who use candles and are offended by light bulb discussions.

6 to argue over whether it's 'lightbulb' or 'light bulb'.

Another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid.

22 to tell THOSE 6 to stop being jerks.

2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is 'lamp'.

15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that 'light bulb' is perfectly correct.

49 to post memes and gifs (several are of Michael Jackson eating popcorn with the words added, “I’m just here for the comments.”)

19 to post that this page is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a light bulb page.

11 to defend the posting to this page saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant here.

24 to discuss the merits of LED/swirly fluorescent light bulbs

44 to claim LED and fluorescent bulbs will kill you.

12 to post F.

8 to ask what F means.

36 People to post pics of their own light bulbs.

15 People to post "I can't see S$%^!" and use their own light bulbs.

6 to report the post or PM an admin because someone said "f÷×$"

4 to say "Didn't we go through this already a short time ago?".

13 to say "Do a search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs".

1 to bring politics into the discussion by adding that (insert politician of choice) isn't the brightest bulb. This usually takes place within the first three comments.

50 more to get into personal attacks over their political views.

5 admins to ban the light bulb posters who took it all too seriously.

1 late arrival to comment on the original post 6 months later and start it all over again.

 

Edited March 17, 2021 by jbqfc

[J. S. Bach]

OK.

[F-UnitMad]

2 hours ago, jbqfc said:

Q: How many forum members does it take to change a light bulb ?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.

7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.

17 purists who use candles and are offended by light bulb discussions.

6 to argue over whether it's 'lightbulb' or 'light bulb'.

Another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid.

22 to tell THOSE 6 to stop being jerks.

2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is 'lamp'.

15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that 'light bulb' is perfectly correct.

49 to post memes and gifs (several are of Michael Jackson eating popcorn with the words added, “I’m just here for the comments.”)

19 to post that this page is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a light bulb page.

11 to defend the posting to this page saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant here.

24 to discuss the merits of LED/swirly fluorescent light bulbs

44 to claim LED and fluorescent bulbs will kill you.

12 to post F.

8 to ask what F means.

36 People to post pics of their own light bulbs.

15 People to post "I can't see S$%^!" and use their own light bulbs.

6 to report the post or PM an admin because someone said "f÷×$"

4 to say "Didn't we go through this already a short time ago?".

13 to say "Do a search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs".

1 to bring politics into the discussion by adding that (insert politician of choice) isn't the brightest bulb. This usually takes place within the first three comments.

50 more to get into personal attacks over their political views.

5 admins to ban the light bulb posters who took it all too seriously.

1 late arrival to comment on the original post 6 months later and start it all over again.

 

You know this Forum so well..!!!

Of course we haven't yet determined which model we are changing the bulb in, or the relative merits of 'white' or 'warm white' LEDs which ideally should be used instead of old-fashioned bulbs....

[Steamport Southport]

4 hours ago, jbqfc said:

Q: How many forum members does it take to change a light bulb ?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.

7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.

17 purists who use candles and are offended by light bulb discussions.

6 to argue over whether it's 'lightbulb' or 'light bulb'.

Another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid.

22 to tell THOSE 6 to stop being jerks.

2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is 'lamp'.

15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that 'light bulb' is perfectly correct.

49 to post memes and gifs (several are of Michael Jackson eating popcorn with the words added, “I’m just here for the comments.”)

19 to post that this page is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a light bulb page.

11 to defend the posting to this page saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant here.

24 to discuss the merits of LED/swirly fluorescent light bulbs

44 to claim LED and fluorescent bulbs will kill you.

12 to post F.

8 to ask what F means.

36 People to post pics of their own light bulbs.

15 People to post "I can't see S$%^!" and use their own light bulbs.

6 to report the post or PM an admin because someone said "f÷×$"

4 to say "Didn't we go through this already a short time ago?".

13 to say "Do a search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs".

1 to bring politics into the discussion by adding that (insert politician of choice) isn't the brightest bulb. This usually takes place within the first three comments.

50 more to get into personal attacks over their political views.

5 admins to ban the light bulb posters who took it all too seriously.

1 late arrival to comment on the original post 6 months later and start it all over again.

 

 

All of them to point out those modern things the EU forced on us are a load of cr@p!

[33C]

What about heavy bulbs?

[J. S. Bach]

Mercury vapor, low pressure sodium, high pressure sodium, metal halide, there are just so many. Mogul, Edison, medium, candelabra, miniature, bi-pin, so many bases.

[Steamport Southport]

7 minutes ago, 33C said:

What about heavy bulbs?

 

As in plant bulbs?

 

[33C]

When i plant bulbs, my electricity bill grows..........

[The Johnster]

6 hours ago, jbqfc said:

Q: How many forum members does it take to change a light bulb ?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.

7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.

17 purists who use candles and are offended by light bulb discussions.

6 to argue over whether it's 'lightbulb' or 'light bulb'.

Another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid.

22 to tell THOSE 6 to stop being jerks.

2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is 'lamp'.

15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that 'light bulb' is perfectly correct.

49 to post memes and gifs (several are of Michael Jackson eating popcorn with the words added, “I’m just here for the comments.”)

19 to post that this page is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a light bulb page.

11 to defend the posting to this page saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant here.

24 to discuss the merits of LED/swirly fluorescent light bulbs

44 to claim LED and fluorescent bulbs will kill you.

12 to post F.

8 to ask what F means.

36 People to post pics of their own light bulbs.

15 People to post "I can't see S$%^!" and use their own light bulbs.

6 to report the post or PM an admin because someone said "f÷×$"

4 to say "Didn't we go through this already a short time ago?".

13 to say "Do a search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs".

1 to bring politics into the discussion by adding that (insert politician of choice) isn't the brightest bulb. This usually takes place within the first three comments.

50 more to get into personal attacks over their political views.

5 admins to ban the light bulb posters who took it all too seriously.

1 late arrival to comment on the original post 6 months later and start it all over again.

 

And a dozen or so to claim that it's 'not for me'...

[DavidB-AU]

4 hours ago, 33C said:

What about heavy bulbs?

 

That was an old (very old) Tommy Cooper joke. This is part of a tribute show.

 

 

Edited March 18, 2021 by DavidB-AU

[Steamport Southport]

[Enterprisingwestern]

12 hours ago, jbqfc said:

Q: How many forum members does it take to change a light bulb ?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.

7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.

17 purists who use candles and are offended by light bulb discussions.

6 to argue over whether it's 'lightbulb' or 'light bulb'.

Another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid.

22 to tell THOSE 6 to stop being jerks.

2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is 'lamp'.

15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that 'light bulb' is perfectly correct.

49 to post memes and gifs (several are of Michael Jackson eating popcorn with the words added, “I’m just here for the comments.”)

19 to post that this page is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a light bulb page.

11 to defend the posting to this page saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant here.

24 to discuss the merits of LED/swirly fluorescent light bulbs

44 to claim LED and fluorescent bulbs will kill you.

12 to post F.

8 to ask what F means.

36 People to post pics of their own light bulbs.

15 People to post "I can't see S$%^!" and use their own light bulbs.

6 to report the post or PM an admin because someone said "f÷×$"

4 to say "Didn't we go through this already a short time ago?".

13 to say "Do a search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs".

1 to bring politics into the discussion by adding that (insert politician of choice) isn't the brightest bulb. This usually takes place within the first three comments.

50 more to get into personal attacks over their political views.

5 admins to ban the light bulb posters who took it all too seriously.

1 late arrival to comment on the original post 6 months later and start it all over again.

 

 

You forgot one;

26 people to post about cats.

 

Mike.