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The Forum Jokes Thread


Colin_McLeod
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Sexist, racist or religious jokes aren't funny - keep them to yourself!

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1 hour ago, Jonboy said:

Does the guinea pig recognise the sound of the fridge door opening???

 

We have approx 17 cupboard doors in the kitchen that could be opened and closed continually for an hour, but the slightest movement on the cupboard door that contained the veg set 'Danger' the Guinea pig off squeaking and she didn't stop until you gave her a cabbage leaf or carrot.

It must have mad an imperceptible noise that only she could hear.

 

She was far more fun that watching tv.

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1 hour ago, The Johnster said:

No, all quite healthy and contented, touch wood.  7x Harlequin Rasbora, 3x Yo-yo loach, one male and two female Betta Splendens, 2x Wood Shrimp.  They are fed flake when I get up and a treat, sometimes live, food mid evening.  The guinea pig is fascinated and spends hours watching them from his cage. 

We used to have a tabby cat, who never had both brain cells on line at the same time.  On one occasion, she leapt from the stairs at the upper  aquarium and she would spend ages watching the two catfish in the lower tank.

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2 hours ago, Jonboy said:

Does the guinea pig recognise the sound of the fridge door opening???

He starts squeaking (his name is ‘Mr Squeak’) if one of us goes in the kitchen and gets louder if any activity is indulged in involving the vegetable tray.  It is amazing how much noise such a small varmint can produce; he is too high pitched to be used as a locomotive whistle, but plenty loud enough!

 

He sort of purrs if you have him on your lap stroking him, but has the delusion that he’s Long John Silver’s parrot; he likes to perch on your shoulder, where he can nibble your ear.  He is a feisty little character, and huge fun!

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Funnily enough ones of ours was called Mr Wheeker (the wife took too long to name him and his nickname stuck). He used to like mountaineering up across the sacks of hay and bookcases.

 

regarding the noise level he had an injection at one point and when we came out the consultation room the entire waiting room was looking to see what could have made such a loud noise....

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A group of kindergartners were trying to become accustomed to the first grade. The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on no baby talk.

"You need to use 'big people' words," she'd always remind them. She asked Chris what he had done over the weekend. "I went to visit my Nana."

"No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use big people words!" She then asked Mitchell what he had done. "I took a ride on a choo-choo."

She said, "No, you took a ride on a TRAIN. Use big people words." She then asked Bobby what he had done. "I read a book," he replied.

"That's WONDERFUL!" the teacher said. "What book did you read?" Bobby thought about it, then puffed out his little chest with great pride and said, "Winnie the ."

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9 hours ago, peanuts said:

A group of kindergartners were trying to become accustomed to the first grade. The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on no baby talk.

"You need to use 'big people' words," she'd always remind them. She asked Chris what he had done over the weekend. "I went to visit my Nana."

"No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use big people words!" She then asked Mitchell what he had done. "I took a ride on a choo-choo."

She said, "No, you took a ride on a TRAIN. Use big people words." She then asked Bobby what he had done. "I read a book," he replied.

"That's WONDERFUL!" the teacher said. "What book did you read?" Bobby thought about it, then puffed out his little chest with great pride and said, "Winnie the ."

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It wasn't the Hamilton Academicals commentator by any chance?

 

Hamilton Academicals sacked their commentator, Bobby Bulloch, after he joked that he was late to return for the second half after going "for a jobby"

 

https://www.dailystar.co.uk/sport/football/hamilton-academicals-commentator-fired-jobby-23442569

 

 

:banned::laugh:

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21 hours ago, The Johnster said:

He starts squeaking (his name is ‘Mr Squeak’) if one of us goes in the kitchen and gets louder if any activity is indulged in involving the vegetable tray.  It is amazing how much noise such a small varmint can produce; he is too high pitched to be used as a locomotive whistle, but plenty loud enough!

 

He sort of purrs if you have him on your lap stroking him, but has the delusion that he’s Long John Silver’s parrot; he likes to perch on your shoulder, where he can nibble your ear.  He is a feisty little character, and huge fun!

 

What does a Peruvian call a Guinea Pig?

 

 

Dinner!

 

Bet you Peruvian Guinea Pigs have a different reaction when they hear activity in the kitchen

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