RMweb Premium PhilJ W Posted December 8, 2020 RMweb Premium Share Posted December 8, 2020 8 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Enterprisingwestern Posted December 8, 2020 RMweb Gold Share Posted December 8, 2020 17 hours ago, kevinlms said: Enterprisingwestern seems to think it's a useful idea! Only because I'd seen the "prize" in bed in the picture! Mike. 4 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium PhilJ W Posted December 8, 2020 RMweb Premium Share Posted December 8, 2020 27 minutes ago, peanuts said: A rabbit walks into a pub and says to the barman, 'Can I have a pint of beer, and a Ham and Cheese Toastie? The barman is amazed, but gives the rabbit a pint of beer and a ham and cheese toastie. The rabbit drinks the beer and eats the toastie. He then leaves. The following night the rabbit returns and again asks for a pint of beer, and a Ham and Cheese Toastie. The barman, now intrigued by the rabbit and the extra drinkers in the pub, (because word gets round), gives the rabbit the pint and the Toastie. The rabbit consumes them and leaves. The next night, the pub is packed. In walks the rabbit and says, 'A pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please barman.' The crowd is hushed as the barman gives the rabbit his pint and toastie, and then burst into applause as the rabbit wolfs them down The next night there is standing room only in the pub. Coaches have been laid on for the crowds of patrons attending. The barman is making more money in one week than he did all last year In walks the rabbit and says, 'A pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please barman, The barman says, 'I'm sorry rabbit, old mate, old mucker, but we are right out of them Ham and Cheese Toasties...' The rabbit looks aghast. The crowd has quietened to almost a whisper, when the barman clears his throat nervously and says, 'We do have a very nice Cheese and Onion Toastie.' The rabbit looks him in the eye and says, 'Are you sure I will like it.' The masses' bated breath is ear shatteringly silent. The barman, with a roguish smile says, 'Do you think that I would let down one of my best friends. I know you'll love it.' 'Ok,' says the rabbit, 'I'll have a pint of beer and a Cheese and Onion Toastie.' The pub erupts with glee as the rabbit quaffs the beer and guzzles the toastie. He then waves to the crowd and leaves.... NEVER TO RETURN!!!!!! ----- One year later, in the now impoverished public house, the barman, (who has only served 4 drinks tonight, 3 of which were his), calls time. When he is cleaning down the now empty bar, he sees a small white form, floating above the bar. The barman says, 'Who are you?', To which he is answered, 'I am the ghost of the rabbit that used to frequent your public house.' The barman says, 'I remember you. You made me famous. You would come in every night and have a pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie. Masses came to see you and this place was famous.' The rabbit says, 'Yes I know.' The barman said, 'I remember, on your last night we didn't have any Ham and Cheese Toasties. You had a Cheese and Onion one instead.' The rabbit said, 'Yes, you promised me that I would love it. The barman said, 'You never came back, what happened?' 'I DIED', said the rabbit. 'NO!' said the barman. 'What from?' After a short pause, the rabbit said... 'Mixin-me-toasties.' 1 7 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Enterprisingwestern Posted December 8, 2020 RMweb Gold Share Posted December 8, 2020 If Andy's statement in the red banner is correct, and personally I would challenge the assertion, then this thread is going to dry up pretty quickly, even some on this page fall into one or other of the categories. Maybe a gentle suggestion might have been a better way to go? Mike. 5 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
F-UnitMad Posted December 8, 2020 Share Posted December 8, 2020 1 hour ago, Enterprisingwestern said: If Andy's statement in the red banner is correct, and personally I would challenge the assertion, then this thread is going to dry up pretty quickly, even some on this page fall into one or other of the categories. Maybe a gentle suggestion might have been a better way to go? Mike. Since when has "a gentle suggestion" ever worked on RMweb???!!! What's needed is a good cull of the offending posts. And the members who keep posting them, if neccesary. I'll help.... 1 3 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckymucklebackit Posted December 8, 2020 Share Posted December 8, 2020 On 06/12/2020 at 16:58, Sidecar Racer said: Unbelievably some clown actually emailed Radio Scotland on Saturday to put a question to National Clinical Director of the Scottish Government, Jason Leitch if ice cream fans could be used to distribute the vaccine! Mind you there are probably some areas of Glasgow where you can get other types of "jab" off the vans Jim 4 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium jbqfc Posted December 8, 2020 RMweb Premium Share Posted December 8, 2020 19 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckymucklebackit Posted December 8, 2020 Share Posted December 8, 2020 1 hour ago, jbqfc said: Lord Kelvin was an absolute zero though! 1 2 8 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium PhilJ W Posted December 8, 2020 RMweb Premium Share Posted December 8, 2020 4 hours ago, Enterprisingwestern said: If Andy's statement in the red banner is correct, and personally I would challenge the assertion, then this thread is going to dry up pretty quickly, even some on this page fall into one or other of the categories. Maybe a gentle suggestion might have been a better way to go? Mike. 2 hours ago, F-UnitMad said: Since when has "a gentle suggestion" ever worked on RMweb???!!! What's needed is a good cull of the offending posts. And the members who keep posting them, if neccesary. I'll help.... They seem to have disappeared as soon as Andy read them the riot act. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
KeithMacdonald Posted December 8, 2020 Share Posted December 8, 2020 Is it safe to tell the "The Pianist with Tourettes" joke? 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium PhilJ W Posted December 8, 2020 RMweb Premium Share Posted December 8, 2020 Tell it and we will decide if it is safe. 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
KeithMacdonald Posted December 8, 2020 Share Posted December 8, 2020 On 04/12/2020 at 09:47, Obi-Jiff Kenobi said: I've seen his Crinkly Bottom. Now for sale on eBay ... https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Two-Model-Railway-Island-Station-Name-Signs-OO-Gauge-Made-by-hand/224262747697?hash=item343719f631:g:gMcAAOSwmY1dbTca 1 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold LimboBrit Posted December 8, 2020 RMweb Gold Share Posted December 8, 2020 Can we have a definition of race please. Genetically there is no such thing so "race" is defined by the rules of the powers that be. 3 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Reorte Posted December 8, 2020 RMweb Premium Share Posted December 8, 2020 12 minutes ago, LimboBrit said: Can we have a definition of race please. Genetically there is no such thing so "race" is defined by the rules of the powers that be. A race is a competition to see who can cover a course or distance in the quickest time. 1 3 1 5 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold LimboBrit Posted December 8, 2020 RMweb Gold Share Posted December 8, 2020 So no Usain Bolt jokes then 9 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steamport Southport Posted December 8, 2020 Share Posted December 8, 2020 3 hours ago, PhilJ W said: They seem to have disappeared as soon as Andy read them the riot act. It was the religious posts that seemed to have overstepped the mark. If it was mine I apologise. However I don't think it was just the jokes. The poster who complained was complaining mostly about the discussion. Fair enough. But how do you know when you have overstepped the mark as the jokes I posted are suitable for prime time BBC? I've heard far worse on Radio Four at half six. Including religious jokes. In fact the one I posted and which was deleted was on BBC a few weeks ago. The one about the band NIN. Google it, I'm not repeating it. I think that was by Marcus Brigstoke hardly a blue or offensive comedian. Are Phil's old 1950s postcards offensive? Perfectly suitable to be sold at a kiosk at a seaside resort. Often repeated in newspapers and the BBC had a section on their website about them recently after someone found a collection of them. But if this thread is going to be CBeebies level of jokes then I'm out. 4 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Hroth Posted December 8, 2020 RMweb Gold Share Posted December 8, 2020 Wait until we're past Christmas Day, there should be plenty of jokes available by then. Crackers, I know... 3 1 3 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Compound2632 Posted December 8, 2020 RMweb Premium Share Posted December 8, 2020 A priest, a rabbi, and an imam went into a pub (for a Scotch Egg of course). What jokes they exchanged about the laity I leave to your own imagination. 3 5 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold nigb55009 Posted December 8, 2020 RMweb Gold Share Posted December 8, 2020 A Priest, Rabbi and an Imam were stood in the street. The Priest says," I wish we were in tier 2, we could go in a pub" 1 6 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Hroth Posted December 8, 2020 RMweb Gold Share Posted December 8, 2020 7 minutes ago, Compound2632 said: A priest, a rabbi, and an imam went into a pub (for a Scotch Egg of course). What jokes they exchanged about the laity I leave to your own imagination. If its eggs, then the priest should be a Curate... 3 2 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium jbqfc Posted December 8, 2020 RMweb Premium Share Posted December 8, 2020 1 11 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium J. S. Bach Posted December 8, 2020 RMweb Premium Share Posted December 8, 2020 2 hours ago, LimboBrit said: Can we have a definition of race please. Genetically there is no such thing so "race" is defined by the rules of the powers that be. Daytona 500? 2 1 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Enterprisingwestern Posted December 8, 2020 RMweb Gold Share Posted December 8, 2020 1 hour ago, Compound2632 said: A priest, a rabbi, and an imam went into a pub (for a Scotch Egg of course). What jokes they exchanged about the laity I leave to your own imagination. A stripe, a barbi and a mami went into a pub and asked if they could borrow the landlords spellchecker. Mike. 1 2 10 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium PhilJ W Posted December 8, 2020 RMweb Premium Share Posted December 8, 2020 42 minutes ago, Enterprisingwestern said: A stripe, a barbi and a mami went into a pub and asked if they could borrow the landlords spellchecker. spillchucker Mike. Thats better. 3 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Nick C Posted December 8, 2020 RMweb Gold Share Posted December 8, 2020 2 hours ago, Compound2632 said: A priest, a rabbi, and an imam went into a pub (for a Scotch Egg of course). What jokes they exchanged about the laity I leave to your own imagination. A priest, a rabbit and an imam walked into a bar. The rabbit says "damn autocorrect" (And as I typed that, the autocorrect tried to change imam to image...) 2 9 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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