The Forum Jokes Thread

[Steamport Southport]

11 hours ago, jcredfer said:

Salisbury is a lovely place to live, as the inhabitants are very caring about their surroundings, when the Guildhall exterior was being restored they covered the scaffolding in a canvas - painted with a picture of the very same Guildhall. {they actually did!!}  Not only that, but the number 288 is banned from the whole city, it's apparently too gross.

 

Whilst I was teaching the less mathematically inclined classes, many of them found that negative numbers were really difficult and would stop at nothing to avoid them.


Julian

 

 

I feel sorry for all the Russia tourists. These two went all that way just to see the steeple. It was too cold so they went home....

 

[peanuts]

stop it 

[Colin_McLeod]

Henry VIII  was twice the size of

Louis XVI.  

 

 

 

 

 

.

Edited November 1, 2020 by Colin_McLeod

[PhilJ W]

[PhilJ W]

[graeme3300]

My boss said, “I find it highly suspicious that you are only sick on weekdays.”

 

I replied, “It must be my weekend immune system!”

[newbryford]

And another.

 

[jcredfer]

8 minutes ago, newbryford said:

And another.

 

Psychics don't need to be in the same room - they can meet in each other's minds.

 

Julian

 

[simontaylor484]

A class teacher asked their pupils what they would be doing for xmas

Little boy says "have the family round at dinner open presents watch the Queens speech.

Little Girl says similar so the teacher asks the Jewish girl in the class  she says " we gather in dads toy shop amongst the empty shelves sing a verse of O what a friend we have in Jesus then go and have 2 weeks in Marbella.

 

[peanuts]

played a game of bono opoly last night its like monopoly just the streets have no names

[peanuts]

- SO my cousin just called and asked if I would loan her £300.00 to help her pay her rent. Those who know me, know that I'm always willing to help out friends and family. I told her to give me some time to think about it and I would call her back. Before I called her back, my aunt called and told me that my cousin was lying and not to give her the money. She goes on to say that the real reason my cousin wanted the £300.00 was to get her boyfriend out of jail so she could be under the same roof as him for his birthday. I thought about it for a minute and decided to give her the £300.00 because we all need help at times. So, I called my cousin and told her to come and get the money. A couple of hours later, I get a call from the County jail. It was my cousin crying, screaming and asking why I gave her counterfeit money. My response...so you and your boyfriend could be under the same roof for his birthday! 

[PhilJ W]

Smoked crab anyone?

https://www.facebook.com/bos.mane.10/videos/1182035425504924/

[PhilJ W]

[PhilJ W]

[PhilJ W]

[PhilJ W]

[PhilJ W]

[PhilJ W]

[PhilJ W]

[PhilJ W]

[PhilJ W]

[F-UnitMad]

[Two_sugars]

Is there not a law against fLickwits standing for public office?

 

 

John

[PhilJ W]

14 minutes ago, Two_sugars said:

Is there not a law against fLickwits standing for public office?

 

 

John

Well one will hopefully be departing soon.

[The Johnster]

11 hours ago, jcredfer said:

Psychics don't need to be in the same room - they can meet in each other's minds.

 

Julian

 

Woman I knew back in the 90s was a psychic, rejoiced in the name of Angel Destiny (really, this isn't a joke, it's a true story).  She lived in an upstairs flat on a corner, and one day it collapsed (she was out at the time),  Saw her a few days later in the post office where everybody was giviing her 'didn't see that coming', and she responded with 'yes I bl**dy well did; I've been on to the council for months about that crack...'.  Go get 'em, Angel...