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The Forum Jokes Thread


Colin_McLeod
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Sexist, racist or religious jokes aren't funny - keep them to yourself!

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9 hours ago, Budgie said:

 

The answer to that one is simple. Stop the clock, wait for an hour, then restart it.

 

This is so, but the clock is temperamental, once stopped, it may take up to a day to get it started again...

The other option is to wind the hands around the dial 23 times, pausing each quarter to let it strike.

 

My longcase clock is not the only one needing individual attention, the mantle clocks can be stopped with impunity!  :jester:

 

 

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A lawyer is representing a client in court on a charge of indecent exposure. He faces the jury, and states, “ I am going to prove to you, that the allegations against my client will not stand up in this courtroom”. At which point his client makes an angry outburst from the dock, saying, “If I can make it stand up on a cold winter’s day in the park, I can certainly make it stand up here”.

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Did you know that Elton John actually harboured a secret desire to be a restaurant critic? He even made reference to it in that song which starts "Good pie, enormous cheese."

 

He also sang a song about bodily hair removal - "Someone Shaved My Wife Tonight."

 

Groan Factor 3, Mr Checkov

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6 hours ago, peanuts said:

BREAKING NEWS: Seven dinghies packed with refugees arrived on a beach at Weston-Super-Mare this morning. Government sources said they are being returned to Wales immediately.

Once they had been dug out of the mud....

 

Andi

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On 24/10/2020 at 21:27, F-UnitMad said:

Meanwhile, the Government has a vacancy for anyone with basic English Comprehension and Spelling, to write out it's notices. :rolleyes:

I presume you mean its, rather than it's (=it is)?  As we're being fussy.

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3 hours ago, Alex TM said:

Hi Jim,

Happy to oblige with the 'groan' button.  Even by your standards that was awful; mind you, I'm about to share it with my wife (a Scouser).

Regards,

Alex.

A "question mark" button would be nice as both posts are absolutely meaningless to me. :huh:

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16 minutes ago, J. S. Bach said:

A "question mark" button would be nice as both posts are absolutely meaningless to me. :huh:

Jurgen Klopp is the current Liverpool manager. Here in the UK this last weekend the clocks were adjusted back one hour.

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