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The Forum Jokes Thread


Colin_McLeod
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Sexist, racist or religious jokes aren't funny - keep them to yourself!

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1 hour ago, J. S. Bach said:

Hmmm, I have never been to the UK, but I really would be surprised if pubs sold ears! :jester:

Some pubs are so rough they have a few ears littering the floor after they close on Saturday night.

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5 hours ago, Hroth said:

 

If I want to listen to the music, I don't want to watch people dressed in tights flolloping about to it!

 

 

4 hours ago, The Johnster said:

Flolloping  We have our word of the day; brilliant, Hroth! 

 

4 hours ago, CameronL said:

 

"Flolloping" - love it! Is that a cross between "flinging" and "lolloping"? If it isn't a word it should be. 

Flolloping is one of Douglas Adams's words from Hitchhiker's Guide / Life the Universe & Everything. Describing the movement of living mattresses in a swamp....

 

https://alienencyclopedia.fandom.com/wiki/Flollop

Edited by Ramblin Rich
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2 hours ago, J. S. Bach said:

Hmmm, I have never been to the UK, but I really would be surprised if pubs sold ears!

 

They have them on cards, like pork scratchings and peanuts... 

 

"Oi'll have a pint of Winkles Old Peculiar and one of they ears, I'm singing later..."

 

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42 minutes ago, Ramblin Rich said:

 

 

Flolloping is one of Douglas Adams's words from Hitchhiker's Guide / Life the Universe & Everything. Describing the movement of living mattresses in a swamp....

 

https://alienencyclopedia.fandom.com/wiki/Flollop

How could I forget? When I was at University in the 1980s in Bangor I learned to SCUBA dive, and the whole club was really in to The Hitchhiker's. When you've just finished a dive in a flooded slate quarry in January and are trying to get out of your wetsuit and get dry in sub-zero temperatures you really need to know where your towel is.  Froods all.

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10 minutes ago, CameronL said:

 When you've just finished a dive in a flooded slate quarry in January and are trying to get out of your wetsuit and get dry in sub-zero temperatures you really need to know where your towel is.  Froods all.

 

When you've finished dinghy sailing on a North Wales moorland lake, in a howling autumnal gale, after many capsizes without a wetsuit, you also need to know where your towel is.

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6 hours ago, The Johnster said:

 

 

Blues songs are even easier; I woke up, this mornin’.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There is, of course, the Blues Singers Epitaph,

 

Cue Blues Riff

 

'I didn't wake up one morning'

 

 

Coat, who stole it, hat, gone.

 

Regards

 

Ian

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2 hours ago, Stubby47 said:

Having been to a ballet, just to see what it was all about, two things surprised me.

1. The lead ballerina comes on and the audience goes nuts before she's even danced - why?

2. How noisy the dancers are - so used to seeing ballet on tv where you only hear the music, but the graceful swans were more like rampaging hippos.

Oh no they're not!

 

(Sorry wrong sort of performance)

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5 minutes ago, Stubby47 said:

 

When you've finished dinghy sailing on a North Wales moorland lake, in a howling autumnal gale, after many capsizes without a wetsuit, you also need to know where your towel is.

Fellow frood.

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3 hours ago, PhilJ W said:

Some pubs are so rough they have a few ears littering the floor after they close on Saturday night.

My local's a bit like that.  There's a bouncer on the door who asks if you've got any knives, coshes, knuckle dusters, etc,. before you go in.  If you haven't, he makes you go home and get them...

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When you've had 3 pints at lunch time on a Thursday and your mate tells you he is not from Guildford after all but a small planet in the vicinity of Betelgeuse, you really need to know where your towel is. 

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