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The Forum Jokes Thread


Colin_McLeod
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Sexist, racist or religious jokes aren't funny - keep them to yourself!

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Dual Carriageway walks into bar, orders beer, leans on bar drinking it, after a while Motorway walks in and orders beer.  Dual Carriageway nervously takes his beer and sits over in the corner, clearly scared of Motorway, who ignores him.  Few minutes later, a scraggy little strip of tarmac comes in and orders beer.  Motorway immediately picks up his pint and goes and sits in the corner with Dual Carriageway.

 

DC is suprised, and says to M/way 'why have you come to sit by me, not that I'm objecting, sir, but surely you can't be scared of a little scrag end like him!'.  'You don't know him' says M/way, 'he runs alongside me for a mile or so.  I'm telling you, stay away from him; he's a complete cyclepath...'!

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1 hour ago, Compound2632 said:

Wikipedia: "The headland is thought by some to have been named by French sailors, after the shape of the two anthropomorphic islands which comprise the headland: the word "Mumbles" may be a corruption of the French les mamelles, meaning "the breasts."


Seems the French made a habit of that kind of thing:

 

https://wyomingmagazine.com/tetons-got-name/

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There are other places named after body parts, such as this one in China:

 

http://dontstopliving.net/-rock-danxiashan-mountains-guangdong-province-china/

 

and there is this one in South Sulawesi in Indonesia:

 

https://www.flickr.com/photos/axelrd/15319616984

 

Edited by Budgie
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On 06/10/2020 at 18:31, CameronL said:

CAPTION COMPETITION TIME!

 

Welsh-Costume-025.jpg.b5890a583a1ab1bce3369d0d78ce3455.jpg

 

Suggestions - 

 

"Ebbw Vale's answer to Little Mix did not get a 'Big Fat Yes' from Simon Cowell"

 

Or -

 

"There was consternation over the Welsh Cakes when Blodwyn revealed that she'd been selected as a contestant on Love Island."

Founding meeting of The Alarm fan club?

 

Andi

 

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12 minutes ago, Steamport Southport said:

 

On a similar theme.

 

spacer.png

and if you used festival toilets before the invention of the Turdis you are immune to everything!

 

Andi

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23 hours ago, Stubby47 said:

So I said to Wrighty, "Tony-bach, you might have your A3's on Little Blethyn, but you can't beat a 56xx on a full coal train trundling down a Welsh valley, now can you?"

Can not be as grand as triple-shotted EM-1s on Sandpatch! :good_mini:

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My father taught English (among other things) at high school. He dreaded one year because the book was King Solomon's Mines (IIRC) and one of the landmarks is called "the nipples on Julia's breasts".  Not something you want to read in front of a class of mixed 12-14 year olds.

 

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4 hours ago, BR60103 said:

My father taught English (among other things) at high school. He dreaded one year because the book was King Solomon's Mines (IIRC) and one of the landmarks is called "the nipples on Julia's breasts".  Not something you want to read in front of a class of mixed 12-14 year olds.

 

 

Especially if one of the pupils, or another teacher, is called Julia.

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Facebook have got themselves into a twizzle over Mumbles/Paps/etc.

 

A tattoist who performs cosmetic replacements for "anatomical features" that have been removed during mastectomies has had examples of her work deleted on the grounds that they are "sexual content and nudity".

 

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-devon-54348767

 

I feel that the US is getting even more incomprehensible.  Celebrate violent death on film, tv and the internet, but don't dare show anything that all humans possess.

 

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5 hours ago, BR60103 said:

My father taught English (among other things) at high school. He dreaded one year because the book was King Solomon's Mines (IIRC) and one of the landmarks is called "the nipples on Julia's breasts".  Not something you want to read in front of a class of mixed 12-14 year olds.

 

 

When my school competed in 'Top of the Form' forty-five odd years ago, all the boys in the school had to take part in an extended quiz to determine which four would be in the team. One of the questions was, 'What is the next line after "Yankee Doodle keep it up"?' We were fourteen at the time; our uncontrollable laughter was matched by the ingenuity of some of the answers.

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1 hour ago, Bishop of Welchester said:

 

When my school competed in 'Top of the Form' forty-five odd years ago, all the boys in the school had to take part in an extended quiz to determine which four would be in the team. One of the questions was, 'What is the next line after "Yankee Doodle keep it up"?' We were fourteen at the time; our uncontrollable laughter was matched by the ingenuity of some of the answers.

For example?

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41 minutes ago, steve1 said:

Why can't you get a No Claims Bonus from insurance companies on life insurance...

 

steve

Because if you drive a car for several years without claiming it indicates that you're a better driver and the longer you do this the better a risk you are. Claiming life insurance for many years increases your risk, not reduces it. So, a 20 year old might be a much worse risk for car insurance than a 50 year old, but with life insurance it's the other way around.

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