The Forum Jokes Thread

[Budgie]

2 hours ago, jcredfer said:

 

Huh!!  That's nothing!!  I have a 14 YR Old daughter...    .....    .....

 

 

I assume she's inventive, and would work out a much better way of cutting that branch down.

[CameronL]

1 hour ago, Compound2632 said:

 

Which one is Blodwyn?

The one on the right who everyone else is staring at - total hottie (in a Welsh trad way).

[Stubby47]

5 hours ago, CameronL said:

CAPTION COMPETITION TIME!

 

 

Suggestions - 

 

"Ebbw Vale's answer to Little Mix did not get a 'Big Fat Yes' from Simon Cowell"

 

Or -

 

"There was consternation over the Welsh Cakes when Blodwyn revealed that she'd been selected as a contestant on Love Island."

 

So I said to Wrighty, "Tony-bach, you might have your A3's on Little Blethyn, but you can't beat a 56xx on a full coal train trundling down a Welsh valley, now can you?"

[The Johnster]

Well, ewe can, can't ewe, isn't it now; a 56xx banging away up the bank through Gilfach Fargoed with the empties.  Like little terriers with their noses to the ground straining at the leash, they are, there's lovely, look ewe....

Edited October 7, 2020 by The Johnster

[Two_sugars]

7 hours ago, CameronL said:

CAPTION COMPETITION TIME!

 

 

Sorry girls . . . . Better out than in . . . .. 

[Enterprisingwestern]

8 hours ago, jcredfer said:

 

Huh!!  That's nothing!!  I have a 14 YR Old daughter...    .....    .....

 

Julian

 

 

Mine didn't take kindly to my suggestion that she leave home and get a job whilst she still knew everything!

 

Mike.

[Hroth]

15 hours ago, CameronL said:

CAPTION COMPETITION TIME!

 

 

Suggestions - 

 

"Ebbw Vale's answer to Little Mix did not get a 'Big Fat Yes' from Simon Cowell"

 

Or -

 

"There was consternation over the Welsh Cakes when Blodwyn revealed that she'd been selected as a contestant on Love Island."

 

"Ok, who had beans for tea last night?" *

 

or perhaps

 

Megan admitted that she had sold beer to an English tourist last Sunday afternoon. **

 

or even

 

"Did you really think that the teapot would hold enough for FOUR cups of tea?" ***

 

I think I'll stop there...

 

No, just thought of another

 

"What do you mean, you didn't record last nights Pobl y Cwm?" ****

 

 

Translations from Google English to Welsh...

*        Lawn, pwy gafodd ffa i de neithiwr?

**      Cyfaddefodd Megan ei bod wedi gwerthu cwrw i dwristiaid o Loegr brynhawn Sul diwethaf.

***    Oeddech chi wir yn meddwl y byddai'r tebot yn dal digon ar gyfer PEDWAR cwpanaid o de?

****  Beth ydych chi'n ei olygu, na wnaethoch chi recordio neithiwr Pobl y Cwm?

 

(Sorry for rephrasing Two_sugars entry, I didn't spot it!)

 

 

Edited October 7, 2020 by Hroth
Additions and apologies...

[PhilJ W]

"Thats a marvellous idea Bronwen, hiding the gin in the teapot." 

Edited October 7, 2020 by PhilJ W

[Budgie]

Why would a Welsh-speaking parent name their baby girl "Bronwyn"? The correct spelling of that name is "Bronwen", meaning bron ("breast") which is grammatically feminine, and gwen, the feminine form of gwyn ("white, fair, blessed)". Because the suffix -wyn is grammatically masculine in Welsh, Bronwyn is generally only used in the English-speaking world outside Wales.

[Compound2632]

1 hour ago, PhilJ W said:

"Thats a marvellous idea Bronwyn, hiding the gin in the teapot." 

Oh come on, what are those hats for?

 

[PhilJ W]

1 hour ago, Budgie said:

Why would a Welsh-speaking parent name their baby girl "Bronwyn"? The correct spelling of that name is "Bronwen", meaning bron ("breast") which is grammatically feminine, and gwen, the feminine form of gwyn ("white, fair, blessed)". Because the suffix -wyn is grammatically masculine in Welsh, Bronwyn is generally only used in the English-speaking world outside Wales.

Thats how I spelt it in the first place and the spill chucker said Bronwyn.

[F-UnitMad]

1 hour ago, Budgie said:

The correct spelling of that name is "Bronwen", meaning bron ("breast") which is grammatically feminine, and gwen, the feminine form of gwyn ("white, fair, blessed)".

So Bronwen means "big knockers", really? Cue schoolboy giggling....

[Hroth]

1 hour ago, F-UnitMad said:

So Bronwen means "big knockers", really? Cue schoolboy giggling....

 

Or as a garden birdwatcher might say

 

Great tits like coconuts.....

 

[kevinlms]

3 hours ago, F-UnitMad said:

So Bronwen means "big knockers", really? Cue schoolboy giggling....

No wonder the 4 glum faces!

[The Johnster]

According to a Landore driver I spoke to in the traincrew messroom at Swansea High Street, The Mumbles was originally 'Y Bronydd', The Breasts, an obvious analogy when the small conical islands are viewed from Swansea across the bay.  When nice respectable middle class types built villas and settled in the area, picturesque and upwind of the copper smelting back in Victorian times, when they were so obsessed with sex that they covered the table legs lest they were aroused into paroxysms of unfettered passion  they attempted to anglicise the name and became embarrassed, mumbling it.  

 

This is very unlikely, but one of those things that ought to be true!

[CameronL]

3 hours ago, F-UnitMad said:

So Bronwen means "big knockers", really? Cue schoolboy giggling....

 

1 hour ago, Hroth said:

 

Or as a garden birdwatcher might say

 

Great tits like coconuts.....

 

Only acceptable to say if followed by the phrase "and sparrows like peanuts "

[Compound2632]

Wikipedia: "The headland is thought by some to have been named by French sailors, after the shape of the two anthropomorphic islands which comprise the headland: the word "Mumbles" may be a corruption of the French les mamelles, meaning "the breasts." Another possible source of the name is from the word Mamucium which is generally thought to represent a Latinisation of an original Brythonic name, either from mamm- ("breast," in reference to a "breast-like hill") or from mamma ("mother," in reference to a local river goddess)."

Edited October 7, 2020 by Compound2632

[Budgie]

4 hours ago, PhilJ W said:

Thats how I spelt it in the first place and the spill chucker said Bronwyn.

 

So chuck the spill chucker. Reminds me of a poem:

 

Eye halve a spelling chequer
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.

 

Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh.

 

As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite
Its rare lea ever wrong.

 

Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased two no
Its letter perfect all the weigh
My chequer tolled me sew.
 

Edited October 7, 2020 by Budgie
typo!

[Hroth]

Amazingly, the Scots got away with the Paps of Jura

 

Image source:  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paps_of_Jura

 

AND

 

The Pap of Glencoe

 

Image source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pap_of_Glencoe

 

without having to Mumble about it.

 

On the other hand, the Paps of Scilla sound much more enticing...

https://wiki.lspace.org/mediawiki/Paps_of_Scilla

 

 

 

[kevinlms]

3 minutes ago, The Johnster said:

According to a Landore driver I spoke to in the traincrew messroom at Swansea High Street, The Mumbles was originally 'Y Bronydd', The Breasts, an obvious analogy when the small conical islands are viewed from Swansea across the bay.  When nice respectable middle class types built villas and settled in the area, picturesque and upwind of the copper smelting back in Victorian times, when they were so obsessed with sex that they covered the table legs lest they were aroused into paroxysms of unfettered passion  they attempted to anglicise the name and became embarrassed, mumbling it.  

 

This is very unlikely, but one of those things that ought to be true!

But in the days before model railways and TV, what else did they have to think about all day, especially Sundays?

 

Ironically, it was the advent of Sunday outings by train, that started to undermine strict religion - think Thomas Cook.

 

[Hroth]

4 minutes ago, CameronL said:

 

Only acceptable to say if followed by the phrase "and sparrows like peanuts "

 

No, it should be followed by "and blue tits like peanuts"

Evidently something to do with winter feeding patterns.

 

[Compound2632]

4 minutes ago, kevinlms said:

Ironically, it was the advent of Sunday outings by train, that started to undermine strict religion - think Thomas Cook.

 

Who, ironically enough, was a strict Baptist whose first railway excursion was to a Temperance rally. It was, however, on a Monday.

Edited October 7, 2020 by Compound2632

[Compound2632]

The West Coast Main Line and the M6 walk into a bar. The WCML says, "a pint for me and one for the road".

 

Sorry.

[The Johnster]

2 minutes ago, kevinlms said:

No wonder the 4 glum faces!

Proper Welsh, see, pleasure is sinful.  The national costume is an invention of the antiquarian and general nutcase Iolo Morgannwg, who reintroduced Eisteddfodau and the Order of the Bards, and christened has son Iesu Christ.  When the child died, he publicly cremated him on a hilltop in Llantrisant, (the hole with the Mint), illegally at the time.  We are a race that celebrates gloom and seriousness, which I think is a product of our climate, which is pretty miserable...

 

The costume is based on the usual attire of women in the 17th century, 150 years before Iolo's time, and the sort of thing worn over much of the southern half of Britain, especially by those of a puritan persuasion.  Puritanism came naturally to the Welsh, and spoiled the fun for a good 3 centuries, morphing into 'chapel' culture in the industrial revolution, which is where the male voice choirs came from.

 

 

 

The painting, 'Salem' is iconic in Wales, and was painted in the early 20th century,  by which time rural Welsh women were won't to wear Iolo's costume as Sunday Best for chapel  It became extremely popular as a result of being bought by William Hesketh Lever, of Sunlight Soap fame.  He issued vouchers with each bar of his soap sold in Wales and when you collected 6, you got a copy of the painting, which became almost obligatory on the walls of Welsh homes.  Allegedly, you can detect an image of Satan in the shawl.  The painting, by an English watercolourist popular at the time, Sidney Curnow Vosper (his middle name suggests a Cornish connection, and he seems to have been interested in Brythonic culture having painted Breton scenes as well), was done in Capel Salem, Pentre Gwynfryn in Gwynedd.  

 

It is iconic both of Welsh piety and of a pride in appearance and godliness which account's for Old Horny's presence, and is displayed in Welsh homes as a warning against such a sin.  This tells you a lot about Welsh culture and attitdudes, even now!

 

[The Johnster]

23 minutes ago, Compound2632 said:

Wikipedia: "The headland is thought by some to have been named by French sailors, after the shape of the two anthropomorphic islands which comprise the headland: the word "Mumbles" may be a corruption of the French les mamelles, meaning "the breasts." Another possible source of the name is from the word Mamucium which is generally thought to represent a Latinisation of an original Brythonic name, either from mamm- ("breast," in reference to a "breast-like hill") or from mamma ("mother," in reference to a local river goddess)."

Sounds more feasible than my story, sadly...