pH Posted October 5, 2020 Share Posted October 5, 2020 (edited) I was a bit afraid of what the punch line to that joke might possibly be! (Following on from the two previous examples.) Edited October 5, 2020 by pH 2 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
peanuts Posted October 5, 2020 Share Posted October 5, 2020 Shortly after our flight had reached its cruising altitude, the captain announced: "Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your captain. Welcome to Flight LS 952 ,The weather ahead is good, so we should have an uneventful flight. So, sit back, relax, and “OH MY GOD!” Silence followed..... complete silence... Some moments later, the captain came back on the intercom. "Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm sorry if I scared you. While I was talking to you, a flight attendant accidentally spilled hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my trousers!" From the back of the plane, an irate passenger yelled “You should see the back of mine!" 1 15 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
peanuts Posted October 5, 2020 Share Posted October 5, 2020 Job advert in Scotland Warehouse Person Warehouse Operatives required, to work for a National client based in Eurocentral area (big warehousey place outside Glasgow on the way to Edinburgh) Please DO NOT apply if: you over sleep you have court often you do not have a babysitter everyday you need to get a lift to work later than our work day starts you experience flat tyres/break downs every other week have to hold on to a mobile phone all day, or will become an expert at your job with no need to learn or take advice after the first day. You must be able to talk and work at the same time. Must remember to come back to work after lunch and when you win the Euromillions give us a call to tell us you're not coming back (yeah, seriously!) So, we want to hear from you if you can get to Eurocentral (big warehousey place outside Glasgow on the way to Edinburgh) for a start time of between 03.00 and 05.00 (this is when it is still dark and public transport is still sleeping), for the record, this is when we need you to start work, not get out of bed and pretend you are unwell. If you are a fit, able bodied person (proof of gym membership not required) and not an ex managing director/lawyer who thinks working for £8.78 per hour is beneath them, then call me, Janice (not Jan, Janet, Jesus, that wumman, mum, especially not this one as I am not coming to get you out of bed, wipe your a$$, make your packed lunch and get you off to work) on the number below, where I will make you an appointment (this is like the Doctors where you get a day and time to come see me, you turn up and we talk. Sorry no prescriptions) to get registered, tell you more about the job, make you a coffee, help you fill out the paperwork and I'll even give you a hi-vis vest so you don't get knocked over by the big bad lorry drivers **IMPORTANT** PLLLEEEAAASSSE ONLY CALL BETWEEN 09.00 (BIG HAND ON THE 12, LITTLE HAND ON THE 9, IF IT'S DARK OUTSIDE ITS STILL NIGHTTIME) AND 17.00 ( BIG HAND ON THE 12, LITTLE HAND ON THE 5. THIS IS WHEN NEIGHBOURS IS ON AND BLUE PETER HAS JUST FINISHED) MONDAY TO FRIDAY (THIS IS CALLED BUSINESS HOURS AND WHEN MOST MUGGLES GO TO WORK) TO DISCUSS THE VACANCY. Calling out with these hours will automatically discount you from the process (because clearly you can't read, tell the time, and I will question whether you can actually walk upright without dribbling on your shoes). 6 11 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
KeithMacdonald Posted October 5, 2020 Share Posted October 5, 2020 6 minutes ago, peanuts said: Shortly after our flight had reached its cruising altitude, the captain announced: "Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your captain. Welcome to Flight LS 952 ,The weather ahead is good, so we should have an uneventful flight. So, sit back, relax, and “OH MY GOD!” Silence followed..... complete silence... Some moments later, the captain came back on the intercom. "Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm sorry if I scared you. While I was talking to you, a flight attendant accidentally spilled hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my trousers!" From the back of the plane, an irate passenger yelled “You should see the back of mine!" Is it 30 years ago already? 2 5 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold The Johnster Posted October 5, 2020 RMweb Gold Share Posted October 5, 2020 (edited) 3 hours ago, CameronL said: Apparently after the result there were riots in the city, with looting and vandalism continuing as normal A police spokesman stated that 12 city blocks were completely destroyed by fire or vandalism, and almost 28p damage was caused... Edited October 5, 2020 by The Johnster 4 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stanley Melrose Posted October 5, 2020 Share Posted October 5, 2020 The pity is that if Villa had only won 1-0 or 2-0, my Everton could have hit the 7 (or more). Now Kloppie will make sure his "team" have practised defending so it will be another 0-0 draw. Everton will still be top (unless Villa continue to surprise everyone) and the Koppites will have to find even more excuses. Is it true that Nowegian Air will go bankrupt because no Liverpool supporters can get to Anfield these days? All quiet in Torquay as well, I hear . . . 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium PhilJ W Posted October 5, 2020 RMweb Premium Share Posted October 5, 2020 2 3 2 1 7 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium PhilJ W Posted October 5, 2020 RMweb Premium Share Posted October 5, 2020 1 9 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Hroth Posted October 6, 2020 RMweb Gold Share Posted October 6, 2020 14 hours ago, CameronL said: Apparently after the result there were riots in the city, with looting and vandalism continuing as normal Nahhhh.... They were the numbskulls who couldn't find their way home when the pubs closed at 10pm 10 hours ago, The Johnster said: A police spokesman stated that 12 city blocks were completely destroyed by fire or vandalism, and almost 28p damage was caused... "city blocks"? That must have been Liverpool, New York State.... https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Liverpool,_New_York 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
APOLLO Posted October 6, 2020 Share Posted October 6, 2020 14 hours ago, pH said: I was a bit afraid of what the punch line to that joke might possibly be! (Following on from the two previous examples.) I bet you're a barrel of laughs at a party !! Brit15 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckymucklebackit Posted October 6, 2020 Share Posted October 6, 2020 14 hours ago, peanuts said: Shortly after our flight had reached its cruising altitude, the captain announced: "Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your captain. Welcome to Flight LS 952 ,The weather ahead is good, so we should have an uneventful flight. So, sit back, relax, and “OH MY GOD!” Silence followed..... complete silence... Some moments later, the captain came back on the intercom. "Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm sorry if I scared you. While I was talking to you, a flight attendant accidentally spilled hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my trousers!" From the back of the plane, an irate passenger yelled “You should see the back of mine!" Reminds me of this... 4 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium PhilJ W Posted October 6, 2020 RMweb Premium Share Posted October 6, 2020 3 1 6 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium PhilJ W Posted October 6, 2020 RMweb Premium Share Posted October 6, 2020 1 5 1 6 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Baby Deltic Posted October 6, 2020 Share Posted October 6, 2020 1 1 15 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Baby Deltic Posted October 6, 2020 Share Posted October 6, 2020 18 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
CameronL Posted October 6, 2020 Share Posted October 6, 2020 CAPTION COMPETITION TIME! Suggestions - "Ebbw Vale's answer to Little Mix did not get a 'Big Fat Yes' from Simon Cowell" Or - "There was consternation over the Welsh Cakes when Blodwyn revealed that she'd been selected as a contestant on Love Island." 7 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Enterprisingwestern Posted October 6, 2020 RMweb Gold Share Posted October 6, 2020 4 minutes ago, CameronL said: CAPTION COMPETITION TIME! Suggestions - "Ebbw Vale's answer to Little Mix did not get a 'Big Fat Yes' from Simon Cowell" Or - "There was consternation over the Welsh Cakes when Blodwyn revealed that she'd been selected as a contestant on Love Island." The Welsh answer to the Four Yorkshiremen sketch. Mike. 1 8 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold The Johnster Posted October 6, 2020 RMweb Gold Share Posted October 6, 2020 (bottom right) ‘What they all lookin’ like that at me for then, isn’t it...’. 4 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold BoD Posted October 6, 2020 RMweb Gold Share Posted October 6, 2020 The AGM of the Ebbw Vale Brunel Appreciation Society. 10 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
F-UnitMad Posted October 6, 2020 Share Posted October 6, 2020 And people wonder where the Welsh Dragon came from.... 2 4 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
jcredfer Posted October 6, 2020 Share Posted October 6, 2020 3 hours ago, Baby Deltic said: Thank you... fantastic, I just went online to order 20 cases. I'm sooo happy you posted that.... Julian 1 1 3 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Baby Deltic Posted October 6, 2020 Share Posted October 6, 2020 2 15 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
jcredfer Posted October 6, 2020 Share Posted October 6, 2020 12 minutes ago, Baby Deltic said: Huh!! That's nothing!! I have a 14 YR Old daughter... ..... ..... Julian 2 6 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Compound2632 Posted October 6, 2020 RMweb Premium Share Posted October 6, 2020 3 hours ago, CameronL said: "There was consternation over the Welsh Cakes when Blodwyn revealed that she'd been selected as a contestant on Love Island." Which one is Blodwyn? 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium PhilJ W Posted October 6, 2020 RMweb Premium Share Posted October 6, 2020 4 hours ago, CameronL said: CAPTION COMPETITION TIME! Suggestions - "Ebbw Vale's answer to Little Mix did not get a 'Big Fat Yes' from Simon Cowell" Or - "There was consternation over the Welsh Cakes when Blodwyn revealed that she'd been selected as a contestant on Love Island." "That wasn't a hard biscuit with your tea it was the saucer." 6 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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