KeithMacdonald Posted August 17, 2020 Share Posted August 17, 2020 22 minutes ago, CameronL said: No chance. Next year's Russian entry is The Choir of the Red Army singing a charming little ditty called "Vote for Us or We'll Cut Your Gas Off". I'm told that Australia's entry is "Please buy our wine and lamb, we're getting desperate (Dan)" 1 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium kevinlms Posted August 17, 2020 RMweb Premium Share Posted August 17, 2020 19 hours ago, peanuts said: Anyone got some spare buttock skin they can donate to my mate for a skin graft? Arse skin for a friend. Available at the Arsenal fan shop? 1 1 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steamport Southport Posted August 17, 2020 Share Posted August 17, 2020 (edited) A bit like the old film about Welsh miners going to London. One of them sees Arsenal on the LU station destination "Up the Arse- nal!" Can't remember the film title but it had a bit of Pannier Tank action ISTR. A Run For Your Money apparently. Edited August 17, 2020 by Steamport Southport 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
CameronL Posted August 17, 2020 Share Posted August 17, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, KeithMacdonald said: I'm told that Australia's entry is "Please buy our wine and lamb, we're getting desperate (Dan)" While Norway's entry references the fact that all the chummy Scandinavian countries give maximum points to each other with a reworking of an old Tom Robinson hit, now retitled "Douze Point Picks Aid Northern States". Edited August 17, 2020 by CameronL Typo 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Colin_McLeod Posted August 17, 2020 Author RMweb Gold Share Posted August 17, 2020 When Ireland took the piss, we made it to the semi final with "Irlande douze pointe" sung by Dustin the Turkey puppet. 3 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Binky Posted August 17, 2020 Share Posted August 17, 2020 8 hours ago, CameronL said: That's bad news for ABC & AC/DC as well. XTC are totally knackered. ..and what's going to happen to ZZ TOP? 3 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
CameronL Posted August 17, 2020 Share Posted August 17, 2020 47 minutes ago, Binky said: ..and what's going to happen to ZZ TOP? If it's cyclical they would be AA Third. 1 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
peanuts Posted August 18, 2020 Share Posted August 18, 2020 class I know I shouldn’t have done this, but I am 83 years old and I was in the McDonald’s drive-through this morning and the young lady behind me leaned on her horn and started mouthing something because I was taking too long to place my order. So when I got to the first window I paid for her order along with my own. The cashier must have told her what I'd done, because as we moved up she leaned out her window and waved to me and mouthed "Thank you.", obviously embarrassed that I had repaid her rudeness with kindness. When I got to the second window I showed them both receipts and took her food too. Now she has to go back to the end of the queue and start all over again, Don't blow your horn at old people, they have been around a long time. 1 4 5 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium PhilJ W Posted August 18, 2020 RMweb Premium Share Posted August 18, 2020 2 11 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium PhilJ W Posted August 18, 2020 RMweb Premium Share Posted August 18, 2020 10 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium PhilJ W Posted August 18, 2020 RMweb Premium Share Posted August 18, 2020 1 7 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium PhilJ W Posted August 18, 2020 RMweb Premium Share Posted August 18, 2020 1 2 4 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium PhilJ W Posted August 18, 2020 RMweb Premium Share Posted August 18, 2020 11 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium PhilJ W Posted August 18, 2020 RMweb Premium Share Posted August 18, 2020 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium PhilJ W Posted August 18, 2020 RMweb Premium Share Posted August 18, 2020 https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-53692475 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
CameronL Posted August 18, 2020 Share Posted August 18, 2020 32 minutes ago, PhilJ W said: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-53692475 The last thing you want to see on a day out is some huge, wild, sweaty porker running past - and the fact that he was chasing a pig just adds animal cruelty to it. 7 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
APOLLO Posted August 18, 2020 Share Posted August 18, 2020 (edited) WARNING - O Level maths required !!!! After the waters receded, Noah commanded all the animals to “go forth and multiply.” The ark quickly emptied, the except for two small snakes, who stayed behind. When Noah asked them why, they replied, “We can’t multiply. We’re adders.” Noah, being the resourceful man that he was, immediately got busy cutting down trees and building a large table with the unfinished lumber therefrom. And he saw that it was good. The snakes were overjoyed when Noah picked them up and placed them on it. Noah and the snakes both knew that even adders could multiply on a log table !!!! Brit15 Edited August 18, 2020 by APOLLO typo 2 2 13 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Popular Post Sidecar Racer Posted August 18, 2020 RMweb Premium Popular Post Share Posted August 18, 2020 (edited) Tom finally decided to tie the knot with his longtime girlfriend. One evening, after the honeymoon, he was welding some stuff in the garage just for fun. His new wife was standing there at the bench watching him. After a long period of silence she finally spoke, "Honey, I've just been thinking, now that we are married maybe it's time you quit spending all your time out here in the shop. You probably should just consider selling all your welders along with your gun collection, golf clubs, and that stupid vintage Harley. Tom got a horrified look on his face. "She said, "Darling, what's wrong?" He replied, "For a minute there you were starting to sound like my ex-wife." "Ex-wife!" she screamed, "YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU WERE MARRIED BEFORE!" Tom replied: “I wasn't. Edited August 19, 2020 by Sidecar Racer 5 18 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold big jim Posted August 18, 2020 RMweb Gold Share Posted August 18, 2020 6 hours ago, peanuts said: class I know I shouldn’t have done this, but I am 83 years old and I was in the McDonald’s drive-through this morning and the young lady behind me leaned on her horn and started mouthing something because I was taking too long to place my order. So when I got to the first window I paid for her order along with my own. The cashier must have told her what I'd done, because as we moved up she leaned out her window and waved to me and mouthed "Thank you.", obviously embarrassed that I had repaid her rudeness with kindness. When I got to the second window I showed them both receipts and took her food too. Now she has to go back to the end of the queue and start all over again, Don't blow your horn at old people, they have been around a long time. That one has been doing the rounds for years on social media, it’s even on the ‘didn’t happen if the year award’ Twitter site as it regularly comes up on Twitter the normal reply being, and everyone in mc donalds Drive through stood up and gave her a round of applause 2 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold big jim Posted August 18, 2020 RMweb Gold Share Posted August 18, 2020 On 17/08/2020 at 19:31, Colin_McLeod said: When Ireland took the piss, we made it to the semi final with "Irlande douze pointe" sung by Dustin the Turkey puppet. nothing will ever beat ‘my lovely horse’ from the Eurosong episode of father ted Which is actually sung by neil hannon of the divine comedy if you have ever seen the documentary about the making of father ted you find out that the video for ‘my lovely horse’ is practically a scene for scene reshoot of a genuine Irish folk duo’s video! 4 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
F-UnitMad Posted August 18, 2020 Share Posted August 18, 2020 6 hours ago, PhilJ W said: Posted on Friday, three pages back.... 1 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium jbqfc Posted August 19, 2020 RMweb Premium Share Posted August 19, 2020 15 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckymucklebackit Posted August 19, 2020 Share Posted August 19, 2020 My mate bet me £10 I couldn't do a Butterfly impression. I thought, that's worth a little flutter A week ago, my mother-in-law began reading "The Exorcist". However, She said it was the most evil book she'd ever read. So evil, in fact, she couldn't finish it and she wanted it out the house immediately, so she took it down to the beach and threw it as far as she could into the sea So the next day I went and bought another copy, left it soaking in the sink for a while then left it on her bedside table..... Jim 2 2 13 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium J. S. Bach Posted August 19, 2020 RMweb Premium Share Posted August 19, 2020 I hope that you put some salt in the soak! 2 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Dagworth Posted August 19, 2020 RMweb Gold Share Posted August 19, 2020 3 hours ago, jbqfc said: What's the difference between Covid and Corvids? One kills, the other murders. Andi 4 4 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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