Baby Deltic Posted April 26, 2020 Share Posted April 26, 2020 1 9 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Baby Deltic Posted April 26, 2020 Share Posted April 26, 2020 16 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Baby Deltic Posted April 26, 2020 Share Posted April 26, 2020 2 2 10 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gopher Posted April 26, 2020 Share Posted April 26, 2020 27 minutes ago, Gibbo675 said: Hi Gopher, What you need to do is master the art of saying, "Do you know,..... you're probably right.", and then saying absolutely nothing else before continuing on with the half done job that she was lecturing you about being somehow wrong. I have on occasion, and only after several days of listening to continued nonsense, pointed to the "box of mystery" and said, "The tools are there if you know any better, I'm off out on my motorbike and I'll sort out your mess later.". This is another phrase that is better left with an extremely long silent pause. Gibbo. I must try that Gibbo. I normally find myself saying "Look only one of us can do this job, so if you want to take over" 2 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gopher Posted April 26, 2020 Share Posted April 26, 2020 Another risque joke with a PG rating. Will remove if required. An Alsatian and Labrador are in the waiting room at the vets. The Alsatian asks the Labrador “So why are you here?” The Labrador says “Long story mate. My Human’s little boy keeps teasing me, hitting me over the head with his toys, pulling my ears, pulling my tail, squirting his water pistol at me. He always does this when there are no witnesses. It has been going on for months. So I finally cracked and bit him” “Wow” says the Alsatian, “so what happened next ?” “Well” says the Labrador, “I am now a dangerous dog, was dragged into the car and brought here to be put down” “Sorry to hear that” says the Alsatian “Anyway” says the Labrador. “Why are you here?” The Alsatian grins and says “that is also a long story. I woke up this morning, having had a brilliant night’s sleep upstairs on the landing outside my Human’s bedroom door. I felt on top of the world, full of energy. I trotted down the stairs, and see my gorgeous female human, dressed in a flimsy short night dress, and nothing else. She was bending over the kitchen sink. I could not help myself, I jumped up behind her, put my front paws on her shoulders and gave her a good seeing to, over the sink”. “Blimey” says the Labrador, “so you are here to be put down as well”? “No” says the Alsatian, “Just to have my front claws cut” 2 1 10 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post steve1 Posted April 26, 2020 Popular Post Share Posted April 26, 2020 Receptionist: “The doctor can see you now.” Invisible Man: “Finally - I’m cured!” steve 2 17 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
jcredfer Posted April 26, 2020 Share Posted April 26, 2020 Surgeon: Well that's got the broken bones in you hand set and the Plaster Cast will keep it in shape while it heals. Small boy: How long will my hand take to heal, Doctor? Surgeon: Should be ok in about 6 weeks or so. Small boy: Will I be able to play the piano, when my hand has healed? Surgeon: Oh yes, no problem, the bones will be perfectly strong. Small boy: Fantastic, I've always wanted to play the piano! Julian 7 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
leopardml2341 Posted April 26, 2020 Share Posted April 26, 2020 (edited) If there was a groan button it would have been pressed twice in quick succession........ Edited April 26, 2020 by leopardml2341 2 3 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Baby Deltic Posted April 26, 2020 Popular Post Share Posted April 26, 2020 24 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Baby Deltic Posted April 26, 2020 Share Posted April 26, 2020 2 13 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Baby Deltic Posted April 26, 2020 Popular Post Share Posted April 26, 2020 26 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
great central Posted April 26, 2020 Share Posted April 26, 2020 42 minutes ago, Baby Deltic said: Sure it wasn't this guy? https://youtu.be/85PcMJ9D8X0 3 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
jcredfer Posted April 26, 2020 Share Posted April 26, 2020 2 hours ago, leopardml2341 said: If there was a groan button it would have been pressed twice in quick succession........ Oh come along now... at least they are home groan... Julian 2 2 6 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gibbo675 Posted April 26, 2020 Share Posted April 26, 2020 Hi Folks, I gave my dad some Elvis memorabilia. He said, "Thaank yurh vury murch" Gibbo. PS. I have left the building ! 5 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium PhilJ W Posted April 26, 2020 RMweb Premium Share Posted April 26, 2020 1 11 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steamport Southport Posted April 26, 2020 Share Posted April 26, 2020 I don't know how long my model railway is now. I've lost track... Nicked off Gary Delaney who posted it earlier. Another closet modeller maybe? 1 8 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Baby Deltic Posted April 27, 2020 Share Posted April 27, 2020 2 1 12 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Baby Deltic Posted April 27, 2020 Share Posted April 27, 2020 1 15 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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Baby Deltic Posted April 27, 2020 Share Posted April 27, 2020 2 9 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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Gibbo675 Posted April 27, 2020 Share Posted April 27, 2020 1 hour ago, Baby Deltic said: IHi Folks, Why did the chicken cross the Mobius band........to get to the same side ! Gibbo. 1 1 5 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium PhilJ W Posted April 27, 2020 RMweb Premium Share Posted April 27, 2020 1 15 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Popular Post PhilJ W Posted April 27, 2020 RMweb Premium Popular Post Share Posted April 27, 2020 20 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
peanuts Posted April 27, 2020 Share Posted April 27, 2020 a mask and gloves is fine for the grocery store they said they lied everyone else had clothes on ! 1 10 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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