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The Forum Jokes Thread

Colin_McLeod

By Colin_McLeod,
in Wheeltappers

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Message added by AY Mod,

Sexist, racist or religious jokes aren't funny - keep them to yourself!

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Gopher

Gopher

Posted
Posted
27 minutes ago, Gibbo675 said:

Hi Gopher,

 

What you need to do is master the art of saying, "Do you know,..... you're probably right.", and then saying absolutely nothing else before continuing on with the half done job that she was lecturing you about being somehow wrong.

 

I have on occasion, and only after several days of listening to continued nonsense, pointed to the "box of mystery" and said, "The tools are there if you know any better, I'm off out on my motorbike and I'll sort out your mess later.". This is another phrase that is better left with an extremely long silent pause.

 

Gibbo. 

I must try that Gibbo.  I normally find myself saying "Look only one of us can do this job, so if you want to take over" 

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Gopher

Gopher

Posted
Posted

Another risque joke with a PG rating.  Will remove if required.

 

 

An Alsatian and Labrador are in the waiting room at the vets.

The Alsatian asks the Labrador “So why are you here?”

The Labrador says “Long story mate.  My Human’s little boy keeps teasing me, hitting me over the head with his toys, pulling my ears, pulling my tail, squirting his water pistol at me. He always does this when there are no witnesses.  It has been going on for months. So I finally cracked and bit him”

“Wow” says the Alsatian, “so what happened next ?”

“Well” says the Labrador, “I am now a dangerous dog, was dragged into the car and brought here to be put down”

“Sorry to hear that” says the Alsatian

“Anyway” says the Labrador. “Why are you here?”

The Alsatian grins and says “that is also a long story.  I woke up this morning, having had a brilliant night’s sleep upstairs on the landing outside my Human’s bedroom door.  I felt on top of the world, full of energy.   I trotted down the stairs, and see my gorgeous female human, dressed in a flimsy short night dress, and nothing else.  She was bending over the kitchen sink.  I could not help myself, I jumped up behind her, put my front paws on her shoulders and gave her a good seeing to, over the sink”.

“Blimey” says the Labrador, “so you are here to be put down as well”?

“No” says the Alsatian, “Just to have my front claws cut”     

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jcredfer

jcredfer

Posted
Posted

Surgeon: Well that's got the broken bones in you hand set and the Plaster Cast will keep it in shape while it heals.

 

Small boy: How long will my hand take to heal, Doctor?

 

Surgeon:  Should be ok in about 6 weeks or so.

 

Small boy:  Will I be able to play the piano, when my hand has healed?

 

Surgeon: Oh yes, no problem, the bones will be perfectly strong.

 

Small boy:  Fantastic, I've always wanted to play the piano!

 

 

Julian

 

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