The Forum Jokes Thread

[DavidB-AU]

11 hours ago, luckymucklebackit said:

Apparenty the German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They, it is alleged, not only expect one to know one’s gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and British Airways , call sign Speedbird 206.
Speedbird 206: “Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway.”
Ground: “Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven.” The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: “Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?”
Speedbird 206: “Stand by, Ground, I’m looking up our gate location now.”
Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): “Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?”
Speedbird 206 (coolly): “Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark,… and I didn’t land.”

 

The basis of this story is actually true but the airlines and aircraft types have morphed over the years. It predates BA and the 747. The earliest published version of the story was a BAOC 707.

 

There was a notorious BOAC captain who was an ex-Lancaster pilot known for his disdain for the Germans, even into the 70s. 

[Baby Deltic]

[Steamport Southport]

[Baby Deltic]

[Baby Deltic]

[kevinlms]

1 hour ago, Baby Deltic said:

Reminds me of 'Monty Python and the Holy Grail'!

[DavidB-AU]

19 hours ago, luckymucklebackit said:

Apparenty the German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They, it is alleged, not only expect one to know one’s gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and British Airways , call sign Speedbird 206.
Speedbird 206: “Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway.”
Ground: “Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven.” The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: “Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?”
Speedbird 206: “Stand by, Ground, I’m looking up our gate location now.”
Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): “Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?”
Speedbird 206 (coolly): “Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark,… and I didn’t land.”

 

This is sometimes attributed to the same BOAC pilot, which is probably apocryphal.

 

Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"

Munich Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English."

Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German plane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?"

Unknown British voice: "Because you lost the bloody war."

[Al51]

My ex just phoned and asked if I had a sharp pain like someone had a voodoo doll and was sticking a pin in it.
'No' I repled.

'Oh' she said, 'How about now'... 

[Happy Hippo]

22 hours ago, luckymucklebackit said:

Apparenty the German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They, it is alleged, not only expect one to know one’s gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and British Airways , call sign Speedbird 206.
Speedbird 206: “Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway.”
Ground: “Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven.” The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: “Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?”
Speedbird 206: “Stand by, Ground, I’m looking up our gate location now.”
Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): “Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?”
Speedbird 206 (coolly): “Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark,… and I didn’t land.”

 

Jim

When I heard that originally, it was a  BEA Comet Captain that was credited.

[PhilJ W]

3 hours ago, DavidB-AU said:

 

This is sometimes attributed to the same BOAC pilot, which is probably apocryphal.

 

Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"

Munich Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English."

Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German plane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?"

Unknown British voice: "Because you lost the bloody war."

That is actually true. It happened back in the 70's and there was a complaint made but as there were several British aircraft in the circuit the culprit couldn't be identified.

[Baby Deltic]

[Baby Deltic]

[newbryford]

[PhilJ W]

Levitating wheelie bin.

[Chris116]

 

My wife just sent me this!

[kevinlms]

13 minutes ago, Chris116 said:

 

My wife just sent me this!

OK, I'll be the first to say it.

 

You would if it was the only place in town, that had any in stock!

[steve1]

steve

[newbryford]

 

Coo!

 

[PhilJ W]

[KeithMacdonald]

And here is the Weather Forecast...

 

 

[Ian J.]

 

[Steamport Southport]

 

 

Might by slightly near the knuckle, but nothing that wouldn't be broadcast at 8.30 pm on the BBC.

Edited April 9, 2020 by Steamport Southport

[DavidB-AU]

 

[Baby Deltic]

[Baby Deltic]

Back To The Future hitting 88mph!