lapford34102 Posted April 4, 2020 Share Posted April 4, 2020 The roofing company has fallen through 4 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Al51 Posted April 4, 2020 RMweb Premium Share Posted April 4, 2020 The butchers are for the chop 3 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold tomparryharry Posted April 4, 2020 RMweb Gold Share Posted April 4, 2020 The clairvoyant had it bad. She couldn't see it coming...... 3 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold tomparryharry Posted April 4, 2020 RMweb Gold Share Posted April 4, 2020 I complained to our decorator about his shoddy work, but he tried to gloss it over.... 3 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold tomparryharry Posted April 4, 2020 RMweb Gold Share Posted April 4, 2020 Professor Brian Cox has been caught moonlighting..... 1 3 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold tomparryharry Posted April 4, 2020 RMweb Gold Share Posted April 4, 2020 The local monks have been keeping everyone at alms length.... 1 6 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
jcredfer Posted April 4, 2020 Share Posted April 4, 2020 .......... Oh dear everyone, I'm sorry. Julian 3 2 3 4 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steamport Southport Posted April 4, 2020 Share Posted April 4, 2020 Three men die in a plane crash and go to Heaven. When they get inside they notice that Heaven is absolutely full of ducks. So many ducks they can barely walk around. An angel approaches and says “Welcome to Heaven, your home for all eternity! Here you can have anything you want, whenever you want, as long as you never step on a duck.” Years go by and eventually one of the men slips up and steps on a duck! The angel approaches accompanied by the most hideous woman the man has ever seen! The angel handcuffs the woman to him and says “This is your eternal punishment for stepping on a duck!” More time passes and as fate would have it another of the men slips up and steps on a duck! Again the angel handcuffs the most hideous woman he’s ever seen to him and again says “This is your eternal punishment for stepping on a duck!” Years and years go by and the third man having watched his step ever so carefully had never stepped on a duck. Eventually the angel approaches him with the most beautiful woman he’d ever laid his eyes on and handcuffs them together. The man exclaims “Wow! She’s beautiful!!! What have I done to deserve such a reward?!?” and the woman replies “I’m not sure, but I stepped on a duck....” 2 13 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Popular Post BoD Posted April 4, 2020 RMweb Gold Popular Post Share Posted April 4, 2020 Well, after a long wait, I’ve finally managed to book a home delivery slot. I’ve ordered the turkey, sprouts, crackers and christmas pudding. 3 26 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steamport Southport Posted April 4, 2020 Share Posted April 4, 2020 11 minutes ago, BoD said: Well, after a long wait, I’ve finally managed to book a home delivery slot. I’ve ordered the turkey, sprouts, crackers and christmas pudding. Bit late aren't you? The sprouts were meant to be on the boil last week... 1 9 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium newbryford Posted April 4, 2020 RMweb Premium Share Posted April 4, 2020 Thanks to FH for the original pic, 12 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium ColinK Posted April 5, 2020 RMweb Premium Share Posted April 5, 2020 It made me smile, but helpful too as our oven needs cleaning. I’m still working so it wont be my job. 6 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold tomparryharry Posted April 5, 2020 RMweb Gold Share Posted April 5, 2020 It seems the baked bean delivery has been canned. But on a lighter note, the door factory has some new openings.... 1 4 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Chris116 Posted April 5, 2020 RMweb Premium Share Posted April 5, 2020 (edited) The toilet paper company went to sh1t. The second toilet paper company was wiped out and are no longer feeling flush. Edited April 5, 2020 by Chris116 6 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
F-UnitMad Posted April 5, 2020 Share Posted April 5, 2020 If this is how bad jokes are getting now, I hope the lock down doesn't last much longer!!! 8 9 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orion Posted April 5, 2020 Share Posted April 5, 2020 1 2 7 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Enterprisingwestern Posted April 5, 2020 RMweb Gold Share Posted April 5, 2020 31 minutes ago, Orion said: I reckon Modelu are behind this, an easy way to obtain data for Alan's new naturist range. Mike. 1 13 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium PhilJ W Posted April 5, 2020 RMweb Premium Share Posted April 5, 2020 Dai the farmer hears a knock at the door. He opens it and sees s man standing there. "I'm a member of a traveling community." he says. "I'm traveling back to our camp but it's dark and rain is coming so I wonder if I could sleep in your barn?" "Of course you can stay" says Dai. "Us Welsh are noted for our hospitality. Forget the barn, come in, sit by the fire and I'll bring you supper and prepare your bed." The next morning the traveler offers to pay for his board but Dai declines. "Tell you what" says the visitor " What if I, using my traveler skills, have a chat with your animals and see how they're feeling. In lieu of payment?" Concealing a snigger, Dai agrees... Ten minutes later the traveler reappears. "We'll, your stallion is unhappy that you've recently changed his bit. The new one is digging into his cheeks." "Why that's amazing!" says Dai. " I did get him a new bit last week!" Ten minutes elapse and the traveler comes in and says "Your cows. They're all complaining that the new buckets you're using for milking are too tall. They're chafing their udders." "Wow! That's astonishing!" says Dai. I'll change back to the old size tomorrow. How can I thank you?" "All part of the service" says the traveler. "Now, I'll finish off by having a word with your sheep.' "Don't believe a bl**dy word those lying ******* tell you" says Dai... A joke that will resonate with all Welshmen 9 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
peanuts Posted April 5, 2020 Share Posted April 5, 2020 19 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steamport Southport Posted April 5, 2020 Share Posted April 5, 2020 An Englishman travelling on a very dark night in the Welsh mountains heard a cry for help from someone who had fallen into a ravine near the road. "Who is it?" he replied cautiously, fearing a trap. "Dafydd ap Gwilym ap Rhys AP Gruffydd ap Ifan ap Jenkyn", came the response. "Well", rejoined the Englishman, "if there's half a dozen of you down there you can jolly well pull one another out." 7 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
peanuts Posted April 6, 2020 Share Posted April 6, 2020 It is with great sadness that I have to mention the loss of a few local businesses. A local Bra manufacturer has gone bust, a Submarine company has gone under, a manufacturer of Food Blenders has gone into liquidation, a Dog Kennels has had to call in the retrievers and a company supplying Paper for Origami Enthusiasts has just folded. Interflora is pruning its business and Dynorod has gone down the drain. The saddest one though is the Ice Cream van man found dead covered in nuts and raspberry sauce. He couldn't take it any more... topped himself. 5 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
F-UnitMad Posted April 6, 2020 Share Posted April 6, 2020 @peanuts - per-lease DON'T start that again..!!!! 1 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Reorte Posted April 6, 2020 RMweb Premium Share Posted April 6, 2020 58 minutes ago, F-UnitMad said: @peanuts - per-lease DON'T start that again..!!!! They're still coming in alas, because it seems that despite the list of what shops can and can't open the joke shop's had the last laugh... 7 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Popular Post Sidecar Racer Posted April 6, 2020 RMweb Premium Popular Post Share Posted April 6, 2020 In an unsettling reversal of my teenage years, I am now yelling at my parents for going out. 19 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Reorte Posted April 6, 2020 RMweb Premium Share Posted April 6, 2020 4 minutes ago, Sidecar Racer said: In an unsettling reversal of my teenage years, I am now yelling at my parents for going out. My parents did say that they were going out for dinner at the weekend, a trip to the dining room instead of the usual kitchen table meal. 4 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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