Two_sugars Posted January 19, 2020 Share Posted January 19, 2020 I'm sorry . . . .Even from a bairn. that's abysmal . . . . . . . 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
jcm@gwr Posted January 19, 2020 Share Posted January 19, 2020 1 hour ago, Two_sugars said: I'm sorry . . . .Even from a bairn. that's abysmal . . . . . . . Bah humbug! 4 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post APOLLO Posted January 19, 2020 Popular Post Share Posted January 19, 2020 Brit15 3 29 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Enterprisingwestern Posted January 19, 2020 RMweb Gold Share Posted January 19, 2020 5 hours ago, billbedford said: Are they going to live in France? Near enough! Mike. 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
D-A-T Posted January 19, 2020 Share Posted January 19, 2020 My girlfriend says she finds my obsession with ambulances really strange I still can’t wait to go down on one knee......nar, knee-nar! knee-nar! 1 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium PhilJ W Posted January 19, 2020 RMweb Premium Share Posted January 19, 2020 2 5 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steamport Southport Posted January 19, 2020 Share Posted January 19, 2020 3 hours ago, Two_sugars said: I'm sorry . . . .Even from a bairn. that's abysmal . . . . . . . The problem is I doubt when I was 12 I would be telling most of the jokes I knew to my dad or any other adult.... Jason 4 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
F-UnitMad Posted January 19, 2020 Share Posted January 19, 2020 5 hours ago, Two_sugars said: I'm sorry . . . .Even from a bairn. that's abysmal . . . . . . . 3 hours ago, jcm@gwr said: Bah humbug! Haha - do I detect a whiff of jealousy, from the master of such jokes...? 1 4 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
jcm@gwr Posted January 19, 2020 Share Posted January 19, 2020 (edited) 39 minutes ago, F-UnitMad said: Haha - do I detect a whiff of jealousy, from the master of such jokes...? Not at all, I thought the joke was funny, easily up (down?) to my standard! that's why I had a dig at Mr Grinch! (assuming you were talking about/to me!) Edited January 19, 2020 by jcm@gwr 1 2 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium PhilJ W Posted January 20, 2020 RMweb Premium Share Posted January 20, 2020 16 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold The Johnster Posted January 20, 2020 RMweb Gold Share Posted January 20, 2020 Unfair. Why are BMW drivers excluded... 3 4 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold The Johnster Posted January 20, 2020 RMweb Gold Share Posted January 20, 2020 Unfair. Why are BMW drivers excluded... 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
jcredfer Posted January 20, 2020 Share Posted January 20, 2020 5 minutes ago, The Johnster said: Unfair. Why are BMW drivers excluded... Because they would ignore the advert, just like they don't see anyone else on the road. Regards Julian 5 2 4 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthBrit Posted January 20, 2020 Share Posted January 20, 2020 3 hours ago, PhilJ W said: If I knew you were going to post this I would have told Mrs NorthBrit. She crashed her car whilst writing down the number. 1 4 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
KeithMacdonald Posted January 20, 2020 Share Posted January 20, 2020 Should we write a special book for them? The Highway Code 2020 for BMW, Mercedes, Porsche, Range Rover and Volvo XC90 drivers On the special rules of the road that only apply to VIP drivers driving superior vehicles. By Richard Cranium, Advanced Road Safety Expert (ARSE) Chapter One: Breaking distances Your vehicle is so much superior to anything else on the road so you should drive as close as possible to the car in front. Chapter Two: How to double-park in the High Street Especially outside Waitrose. As you are a VIP, you cannot be expected to park in an ordinary car park with the hoi-polloi. etc 2 3 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
KeithMacdonald Posted January 20, 2020 Share Posted January 20, 2020 14 minutes ago, jf2682 said: breaking distance?? It's a pun : braking / breaking. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium PhilJ W Posted January 20, 2020 RMweb Premium Share Posted January 20, 2020 2 hours ago, NorthBrit said: If I knew you were going to post this I would have told Mrs NorthBrit. She crashed her car whilst writing down the number. Your wife is interested in a PENlS extention? 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
APOLLO Posted January 20, 2020 Share Posted January 20, 2020 2 hours ago, The Johnster said: Unfair. Why are BMW drivers excluded... Because BMW drivers are complete pr**ks !!!! Brit15 7 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold The Johnster Posted January 20, 2020 RMweb Gold Share Posted January 20, 2020 2 hours ago, PhilJ W said: Your wife is interested in a PENlS extention? In the same way that men are interested in breast enlargement. 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Enterprisingwestern Posted January 21, 2020 RMweb Gold Share Posted January 21, 2020 12 hours ago, God's Wonderful Railway 1835 said: But that was the Travelling Wilburys! Mike. 4 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium newbryford Posted January 21, 2020 RMweb Premium Share Posted January 21, 2020 3 hours ago, Enterprisingwestern said: But that was the Travelling Wilburys! Mike. I'll bet you're fun at a party...……………………….. 3 5 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steamport Southport Posted January 21, 2020 Share Posted January 21, 2020 Reminds me of the old one. What's black with two eyes, two arms and no legs? Roy Orbison's glasses..... Jason 7 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Popular Post Oldddudders Posted January 21, 2020 RMweb Gold Popular Post Share Posted January 21, 2020 Down deep in the West Country, a little lad grows up surrounded by farmland, and as he gets older he becomes obsessed by the impressive farm machinery he sees in daily use - but especially the tractors. Doing odd jobs in the nearby town while still living at home with mum and dad, he makes a few pounds, but rather than being off chasing girls it is still the tractors that have his heart. One day he reads about a big agricultural exhibition - up in London. He just knows there will be loads of tractors on display and sets his heart on going - to get a 'fix'! Leaving the train at Padlington, he makes his way to the exhibition centre, buys his ticket and his eyes widen as he sees tractors everywhere, some bigger and better than he's ever seen before. He goes to inspect one particularly impressive model - only to find some unpleasant chap in a suit bearing down on him. "Oi, you 'orrible little urchin - sling yer 'ook! You aren't a farmer - we don't want your type here!" Absolutely crestfallen, he rushes off back to Padlington, and catches the first train home, simmering with rage. On the journey he confronts the simple fact that tractors have no relevance to his existence, and it's time to move on. This is tough stuff - so on alighting at his home station he nips over the road to the pub for a pint, and sits thinking gloomy thoughts. It is a windy day, not too warm, so there is a lovely log fire burning in the bar. Suddenly a particularly violent gust comes right down the chimney and blows smoke all over the place - people are coughing and choking, terrible! Our little lad leaps to his feet and with one huge sucking noise, simply absorbs all the smoke, clearing the air in one! People are grateful but amazed - how did he do that? "Oh, it's easy for me - I'm an ex-tractor fan!" 2 12 9 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium J. S. Bach Posted January 21, 2020 RMweb Premium Share Posted January 21, 2020 1 hour ago, Oldddudders said: ...snip... It is a windy day, not too warm, so there is a lovely log fire burning in the bar. Suddenly a particularly violent gust comes right down the chimney and blows smoke all over the place - people are coughing and choking, terrible! Our little lad leaps to his feet and with one huge sucking noise, simply absorbs all the smoke, clearing the air in one! People are grateful but amazed - how did he do that? "Oh, it's easy for me - I'm an ex-tractor fan!" Where is the "groan" button when it is really needed!! 10 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Chris116 Posted January 21, 2020 RMweb Premium Share Posted January 21, 2020 2 minutes ago, J. S. Bach said: Where is the "groan" button when it is really needed!! Andy doesn't like to have us groaning! 3 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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