RMweb Gold BoD Posted July 11, 2019 RMweb Gold Share Posted July 11, 2019 46 minutes ago, F-UnitMad said: How come no Psychics have won the Lottery?? How come horse racing tipsters still need to work for a living? 5 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium petethemole Posted July 11, 2019 RMweb Premium Share Posted July 11, 2019 3 hours ago, F-UnitMad said: How come no Psychics have won the Lottery?? According to Mrs mole (witch, medium and Tarot reader), psychic techniques/abilities will never work when you attempt to use them to your own advantage. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
raymw Posted July 11, 2019 Share Posted July 11, 2019 Nothing stopping them telling someone else the winning numbers. 4 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
St. Simon Posted July 11, 2019 Share Posted July 11, 2019 1 hour ago, petethemole said: According to Mrs mole (witch, medium and Tarot reader), psychic techniques/abilities will never work when you attempt to use them to your own advantage. Now there's irony.... Simon 2 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steamport Southport Posted July 11, 2019 Share Posted July 11, 2019 Well, Derek Acorah didn't see the other car.... https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-merseyside-26543089 Jason 2 3 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold The Johnster Posted July 11, 2019 RMweb Gold Share Posted July 11, 2019 True story. We had a local psychic in the area of Cardiff I used to live in, going by the name of Angel Destiny. Lovely woman, very friendly, bit off the wall but it takes all sorts; anyway, the wall of her council flat fell down. Of course, I ran into her in the post office and told her she should’ve seen it coming. ‘I did’, she said indignantly, ‘I been complainin’ about that crack in the wall for ages, innit’... Fair play. 1 8 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Allegheny1600 Posted July 11, 2019 Share Posted July 11, 2019 5 hours ago, Steamport Southport said: Well, Derek Acorah didn't see the other car.... https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-merseyside-26543089 Jason Ha! There's a charlatan if I ever saw one!!! I like the "joker" by the way. Cheers, John. 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
peanuts Posted July 11, 2019 Share Posted July 11, 2019 I’ve just been sent a bunch of flowers with all the heads removed. I think I’m being stalked 1 12 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Enterprisingwestern Posted July 12, 2019 RMweb Gold Share Posted July 12, 2019 12 hours ago, peanuts said: I’ve just been sent a bunch of flowers with all the heads removed. I think I’m being stalked Leave it. Mike. 1 3 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Ian J. Posted July 12, 2019 RMweb Premium Share Posted July 12, 2019 I've just received a packet of margarine... I think I'm being Storked. 4 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Bernard Lamb Posted July 12, 2019 RMweb Premium Share Posted July 12, 2019 18 hours ago, peanuts said: I’ve just been sent a bunch of flowers with all the heads removed. I think I’m being stalked You need to get to the root of the problem and find out where it stems from. Bernard 5 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold BoD Posted July 12, 2019 RMweb Gold Share Posted July 12, 2019 (edited) My wife was complaining about how my life revolved around social media and how it affected our communication as a family ........ so I blocked her. Edited July 12, 2019 by BoD 4 10 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
jcredfer Posted July 12, 2019 Share Posted July 12, 2019 1 hour ago, BoD said: My wife was complaining about how my life revolved around social media and how it affected our communication as a family ........ so I blocked her. I wish!! J 1 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium PhilJ W Posted July 12, 2019 RMweb Premium Share Posted July 12, 2019 SWMBO is in hospital, she tried hoola-hooping braless. 1 5 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold The Johnster Posted July 12, 2019 RMweb Gold Share Posted July 12, 2019 See, I’ve got the mental image now, and I can’t unget it... 2 3 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Colin_McLeod Posted July 14, 2019 Author RMweb Gold Share Posted July 14, 2019 The old man placed an order for one hamburger , French fries and a drink. He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half , placing one half in front of his wife. He then carefully counted out the French fries , dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife. He took a sip of the drink , his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them. As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger , the people around them were looking over and whispering. Obviously they were thinking , 'That poor old couple - all they can afford is one meal for the two of them.' As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table and politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man said , they were just fine - they were used to sharing everything.. People closer to the table noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink. Again , the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them. This time the old woman said 'No , thank you , we are used to sharing everything.' Finally , as the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin , the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked 'What is it you are waiting for?' She answered 'The teeth'. 1 17 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Colin_McLeod Posted July 14, 2019 Author RMweb Gold Share Posted July 14, 2019 The old man placed an order for one hamburger , French fries and a drink. He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half , placing one half in front of his wife. He then carefully counted out the French fries , dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife. He took a sip of the drink , his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them. As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger , the people around them were looking over and whispering. Obviously they were thinking , 'That poor old couple - all they can afford is one meal for the two of them.' As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table and politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man said , they were just fine - they were used to sharing everything.. People closer to the table noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink. Again , the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them. This time the old woman said 'No , thank you , we are used to sharing everything.' Finally , as the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin , the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked 'What is it you are waiting for?' She answered 'The teeth'. 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Two_sugars Posted July 14, 2019 Share Posted July 14, 2019 Welllll. . . .It wasn't that bad, but I don't think it was good enough to post twice! John 2 7 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Al51 Posted July 14, 2019 RMweb Premium Share Posted July 14, 2019 1 hour ago, Two_sugars said: Welllll. . . .It wasn't that bad, but I don't think it was good enough to post twice! John Perhaps it wasn't his turn to wear the glasses! Al 2 2 11 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
jcm@gwr Posted July 14, 2019 Share Posted July 14, 2019 I went to a toy store today to do some early Christmas shopping. I asked the assistant where the Schwarzeneggar dolls were. He said "Aisle B, back" 1 14 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Ian J. Posted July 14, 2019 RMweb Premium Share Posted July 14, 2019 "I'll be back, you can be Beethoven." 2 1 3 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium MrTea Posted July 14, 2019 RMweb Premium Share Posted July 14, 2019 I went to a nightclub that was full of Orcs, Hobbits and Elves... ...it was Mordor on the dance floor. 2 11 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium kevinlms Posted July 14, 2019 RMweb Premium Share Posted July 14, 2019 2 hours ago, jcm@gwr said: I went to a toy store today to do some early Christmas shopping. I asked the assistant where the Schwarzeneggar dolls were. He said "Aisle B, back" 3 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Two_sugars Posted July 14, 2019 Share Posted July 14, 2019 7 hours ago, jcm@gwr said: I went to a toy store today to do some early Christmas shopping. I asked the assistant where the Schwarzeneggar dolls were. He said "Aisle B, back" Well . . . Miracle on 34th street was on Film 4 today. . . . John 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckymucklebackit Posted July 15, 2019 Share Posted July 15, 2019 A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away." The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?" "Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet.. "How can you be so sure?" she protested.. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something." The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room. The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck." The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.. The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$1,500!" she cried,"$1,500 just to tell me my duck is dead!" The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $1,500." 13 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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