steve1 Posted January 23, 2019 Share Posted January 23, 2019 Archaeologists digging in a Pyramid in Egypt have found a Mummy covered in Chocolate and Hazelnuts. They believe it may be Pharaoh Rocher. steve 2 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 25, 2019 Share Posted January 25, 2019 A man was driving down the M5 about 3am doing 100mph when he gets pulled over by the police. The officer says in a thick west country accent "do you realise sir how dangerous it is to drive at such a high speeds on this motorway"? The driver protests "it's 3am officer there's nobody else on the road I just want to get home" The copper says "you think its clear and safe but what if you had come round that bend sir and come across Mr fog"? The man smiles and says smugly "I would simply put Mr foot, on Mr brake" The copper growls "I SAID MIST, OR FOG" Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Sidecar Racer Posted January 26, 2019 RMweb Premium Share Posted January 26, 2019 (edited) I went down to the Patent Office trying to register some of my inventions earlier today. I walked up to the main desk to sign in and the lady pulled out a form to fill out. She asked for my personal info, wrote it down and then asked me what I had invented. I said, 'A folding bottle.' She said, 'Okay. What do you call it?' 'A fottle.' 'What else do you have there?' 'A folding carton.' 'OK, what do you call it?' 'A farton.' She chuckled and said, 'Those are silly names for products and one of them sounds a bit crude.' I was so upset by her comment I grabbed the form and left the office without even telling her about my folding bucket... Edited January 26, 2019 by Sidecar Racer 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Colin_McLeod Posted February 1, 2019 Author RMweb Gold Share Posted February 1, 2019 1 1 11 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Popular Post Colin_McLeod Posted February 2, 2019 Author RMweb Gold Popular Post Share Posted February 2, 2019 9 11 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
cromptonnut Posted February 2, 2019 Share Posted February 2, 2019 The worst thing about driving a lorry for a cake manufacturer? Parkin, 1 1 2 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium PhilJ W Posted February 2, 2019 RMweb Premium Share Posted February 2, 2019 1 minute ago, cromptonnut said: The worst thing about driving a lorry for a cake manufacturer? Parkin, Still no GROAN button? 1 3 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Coryton Posted February 2, 2019 RMweb Premium Share Posted February 2, 2019 28 minutes ago, PhilJ W said: Still no GROAN button? You'd think the fancy new forum software could manage a little thing like that, wouldn't you? 5 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluebottle Posted February 2, 2019 Share Posted February 2, 2019 On 1/23/2019 at 6:49 PM, Jamiel said: Sorry it had been posted before so I deleted it. J Very disciplined of you! 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Jamiel Posted February 2, 2019 RMweb Premium Share Posted February 2, 2019 (edited) Has anyone checked to see if the new forum software allows words like, , bottom, , bast**d, etc? Just wondering. Jamie EDIT: Well it just deletes them completely now, although the illegitimate child of someone getting through was a surprise so I edited that myself. Edited February 2, 2019 by Jamiel 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium DIW Posted February 2, 2019 RMweb Premium Share Posted February 2, 2019 5 hours ago, Jamiel said: Has anyone checked to see if the new forum software allows words like, , bottom, , bast**d, etc? <snip> I seem to remember that Boris had a good go at clogging the **** filter, over on the 'New Forum Software' thread.... 1 1 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Jamiel Posted February 2, 2019 RMweb Premium Share Posted February 2, 2019 (edited) 1 hour ago, DIW said: I seem to remember that Boris had a good go at clogging the **** filter, over on the 'New Forum Software' thread.... Sounds like a good man to me. Edited February 2, 2019 by Jamiel 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium newbryford Posted February 2, 2019 RMweb Premium Share Posted February 2, 2019 1 hour ago, Jamiel said: Sounds like a good man to me. Boris has already tried to break the naughty word filter. *** or **** isn't allowed, but titwank is.................. 2 7 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
manna Posted February 3, 2019 Share Posted February 3, 2019 (edited) G'Day Folks I live in ' Booborowie, everyone shortens it to Boob's, I know last time I tried it, I ended up with 5 *****'s manna Not this time. Edited February 3, 2019 by manna 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
cromptonnut Posted February 3, 2019 Share Posted February 3, 2019 45 minutes ago, manna said: I live in ' Booborowie, everyone shortens it to Boob's, I know last time I tried it, I ended up with 5 *****'s Let's hope we don't get anyone from Scunthorpe here then. 2 2 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Colin_McLeod Posted February 3, 2019 Author RMweb Gold Share Posted February 3, 2019 Bastard is a proper word in the dictionary so that is probably why it is allowed. The software can't control one's use of a word in context and can't distinguish between the proper use of the word bastard and it's crude use in a derogatory sense. 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Coryton Posted February 3, 2019 RMweb Premium Share Posted February 3, 2019 12 minutes ago, Colin_McLeod said: Bastard is a proper word in the dictionary so that is probably why it is allowed. The software can't control one's use of a word in context and can't distinguish between the proper use of the word bastard and it's crude use in a derogatory sense. Not so sure about that. Didn't the old one prevent you from talking about Cock O' The North despite the word it removed having many 'proper' usages? (We'll see how this one comes out....) 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Two_sugars Posted February 3, 2019 Share Posted February 3, 2019 23 minutes ago, Colin_McLeod said: Bastard is a proper word in the dictionary so that is probably why it is allowed. The software can't control one's use of a word in context and can't distinguish between the proper use of the word bastard and it's crude use in a derogatory sense. Well, that might be a bit of a b*****d to some! 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium PhilJ W Posted February 3, 2019 RMweb Premium Share Posted February 3, 2019 I'm trying out a few words to see what happens >> , , bottom. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium PhilJ W Posted February 3, 2019 RMweb Premium Share Posted February 3, 2019 Just now, PhilJ W said: I'm trying out a few words to see what happens >> , , bottom. They dropped two out of three. Lets try woodpecker then. 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ray Von Posted February 3, 2019 Share Posted February 3, 2019 This one got through! 3 1 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
steve1 Posted February 3, 2019 Share Posted February 3, 2019 50 minutes ago, Ray Von said: This one got through! Probably because no-one has clue what it means. Me inlcluded. steve 1 4 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dick Turpin Posted February 3, 2019 Share Posted February 3, 2019 Always baffles brains! 3 1 1 4 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ray Von Posted February 3, 2019 Share Posted February 3, 2019 Anyway, back on topic - Two deaf men are signing to each other. The first man asks, “What did your wife say when you got home late last night? The second man replies, “She swore like crazy!” And the first man asks, “What did you do then?” And the second man replies, “I turned out the light.” 1 10 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
JamieR4489 Posted February 3, 2019 Share Posted February 3, 2019 19 hours ago, newbryford said: Boris has already tried to break the naughty word filter. *** or **** isn't allowed, but titwank is.................. What about semprini? 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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