Liam Posted November 28, 2018 Share Posted November 28, 2018 ‘What would you like, a Lee Enfield or a Martini?’ ‘I’d like a Martini but not too much ice.’ 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
jwealleans Posted November 29, 2018 Share Posted November 29, 2018 ... and don’t call me Henry. 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Jamiel Posted November 29, 2018 RMweb Premium Share Posted November 29, 2018 Sorry if this has been shared before, I did do a word search for Satan in the thread. 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
APOLLO Posted November 29, 2018 Share Posted November 29, 2018 I got called into human resources today because of a couple of incidents and was asked if I knew the difference between left and right wing. I told them to get lost as my politics were my business.They still sacked me though, turns out aircraft are bloody expensive to fix. Brit15 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
billy_anorak59 Posted November 29, 2018 Share Posted November 29, 2018 (edited) Just bought a special edition U2 sat-nav but it's no good, the streets have no name and I can't find what I'm looking for. Speaking of sat-navs, don't buy a Bonnie Tyler voiced one either - they're rubbish too. Keeps telling me to turn around, and every now and then it falls apart. Edited November 29, 2018 by billy_anorak59 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
cpman46 Posted November 29, 2018 Share Posted November 29, 2018 Statue Quo Sat-Nav is great, rocking all over the world 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
APOLLO Posted November 29, 2018 Share Posted November 29, 2018 Brit15 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Classsix T Posted November 29, 2018 Share Posted November 29, 2018 I bought a joke book, then 'Polly sent me the same one nine hours later... C6T. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium newbryford Posted November 29, 2018 RMweb Premium Share Posted November 29, 2018 I bought a joke book, then 'Polly sent me the same one nine hours later... C6T. I got mine 21 hours and 3 mins later - and it had pictures......... Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
APOLLO Posted November 30, 2018 Share Posted November 30, 2018 I bought a joke book, then 'Polly sent me the same one nine hours later... C6T. Did she put the kettle on ? brit15 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Ian J. Posted November 30, 2018 RMweb Premium Share Posted November 30, 2018 Did she put the kettle on ? brit15 Does it fit her? I find kettles don't fit me well at all... 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckymucklebackit Posted November 30, 2018 Share Posted November 30, 2018 (edited) Met a weird guy in the pub last night, claimed he was into s4dism, necrophilia and besti4lity! Personally I thought he was flogging a dead horse! (as is the profanity checker - why is necrophilia acceptable and the other two isn't) Edited November 30, 2018 by luckymucklebackit 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Colin_McLeod Posted November 30, 2018 Author RMweb Gold Share Posted November 30, 2018 Does it fit her? I find kettles don't fit me well at all... Kettles are so last century Maybe diesel fitter. https://uk.diesel.com/en/woman/?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIo4jx-LP83gIVLJPtCh2TFwYZEAAYASAEEgIi-vD_BwE&t=m&utm_campaign=conversion-ADW%2FOTH%2FEN%2FDIESEL%2FSRC%2FBRN%2FBRAND%2FU%2FNONE%2FBMM--Diesel-Pure-Brand_cross_brand&utm_medium=cpc&gclsrc=aw.ds&utm_test=test&utm_content=diesel--e&utm_source=google Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stanley Melrose Posted November 30, 2018 Share Posted November 30, 2018 From the Goon Show:- Neddy (locked in a cupboard): "How do I get out of here?" Reply: "Turn the knob on your side." Frustrated Neddy: "I don't have a knob on my side." Stan Does it fit her? I find kettles don't fit me well at all... 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
F-UnitMad Posted November 30, 2018 Share Posted November 30, 2018 (edited) From the Goon Show:- Neddy (locked in a cupboard): "How do I get out of here?" Reply: "Turn the knob on your side." Frustrated Neddy: "I don't have a knob on my side." Stan As big a fan of the Goon Show as I am, how many cupboard doors do actually have knobs on the inside..??!! Must dash - it's writted on my bit of paper that it's 8 o'clock, it's writted... Edit - and it was Eccles in the cupboard, not Neddy Edited November 30, 2018 by F-UnitMad Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
APOLLO Posted November 30, 2018 Share Posted November 30, 2018 (edited) Brit15 Edited November 30, 2018 by APOLLO 9 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 30, 2018 Share Posted November 30, 2018 as is the profanity checker - why is necrophilia acceptable and the other two isn't) Because necrophilia is dead boring..... Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gibbo675 Posted November 30, 2018 Share Posted November 30, 2018 Because necrophilia is dead boring..... Just remember that is fun for all the family ! 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gibbo675 Posted November 30, 2018 Share Posted November 30, 2018 Just remember that ###### is fun for all the family ! Look every one a Banned word ! O'Brian would be proud of the self censoring prudes ! Quite sad really. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
cromptonnut Posted November 30, 2018 Share Posted November 30, 2018 One day the Zookeeper noticed the Orang-Utan was reading two books--The Bible and Darwin's Origin of Species. In surprise he asked the ape,"Why are you reading both books" " Well," said the ape, I just wanted to know if I was my brother's keeper or my keepers brother. 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Colin_McLeod Posted November 30, 2018 Author RMweb Gold Share Posted November 30, 2018 ## # #### ##### ### # ##### ### ##### Oh dear 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Reorte Posted December 1, 2018 RMweb Premium Share Posted December 1, 2018 Hmm, let's see. 00, N, 0, ## Interesting! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Jamiel Posted December 1, 2018 RMweb Premium Share Posted December 1, 2018 Thanks to friends on Facebook. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
brossard Posted December 4, 2018 Share Posted December 4, 2018 2v3m26t.jpg He could enlist the help of a friend. It would have to be a very good one I think. John Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckymucklebackit Posted December 4, 2018 Share Posted December 4, 2018 which brings us nicely to.. A Father looks out the window on a snowy evening. He then gets furious and turns red. "What's the matter, dear," his wife asks. "It's our daughter's new boyfriend. He's written his name in the snow with pee." "Oh. That's not so bad." "Yeah, but it's in her handwriting." Jim Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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