Gibbo675 Posted October 17, 2018 Share Posted October 17, 2018 Thanks to OD on FB... maths.jpg What do mathematicians do if they get constipation ? Work it out with a pencil ! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RJS1977 Posted October 17, 2018 Share Posted October 17, 2018 But mathematics professors get a PhD student to work it out for them... Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Welchester Posted October 18, 2018 RMweb Premium Share Posted October 18, 2018 In the old days they worked it out with logs. 3 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
faulcon1 Posted October 18, 2018 Share Posted October 18, 2018 Pouring with rain at home so I was musing myself on YouTube when the English Show Mock of the Week popped up and one of the jokes in there has stuck in my mind. It was in the segment "Things you wouldn't hear in a fitness DVD" "Come on stretch, bend over and touch your toes, that's right stretch, stretch, imagine your toes are made of chocolate you fat f#ck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndrewC Posted October 18, 2018 Share Posted October 18, 2018 In the old days they worked it out with logs. I thought it was the log they were trying to work out. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium PhilJ W Posted October 18, 2018 RMweb Premium Share Posted October 18, 2018 (edited) My favourite one from 'Mock the week' was from things you wouldn't hear in a Thai resturant. "These meatballs really are the dogs b0ll0cks." Edited October 18, 2018 by PhilJ W Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium kevinlms Posted October 18, 2018 RMweb Premium Share Posted October 18, 2018 In the old days they worked it out with logs. Logs? Aren't they often moved about by elephants? Sorry, I just had to link the ongoing elephant joke thread (most of which have been around since the invention of the mini) and now this maths thread and its the best I could think of, to link them altogether! 3 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Dan Randall Posted October 18, 2018 RMweb Gold Share Posted October 18, 2018 (edited) Keen Medical Student: "Excuse me Doctor - is that an Anal Thermometer in your top pocket"? Doctor: "Yes and some bum's got my pencil". Edited October 18, 2018 by Dan Randall Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
34theletterbetweenB&D Posted October 18, 2018 Share Posted October 18, 2018 Ah, medical jokes. Ma had a full stock including that above. Her all time favourite from medical training the way it once was done concerned midwifery. Her training as a qualified state registered nurse was with trainee doctors who had passed their BMed, and with whom they would work in trainee doc./nurse pairings for deliveries (and half of them end up married ensuring a future supply of medical trainees). So there are the new trainees in the lecture theatre and in comes the consultant who is to deliver the lecture. He greets the class and searches the room, and finally beckons one of the men to come out front and join him. To say this man is ugly is an understatement. "Now ladies and gentlemen, this is fundamental to the practise of midwifery, and I wish you to understand this principle and apply it without deviation." The consultant steps over to the man he has called forward, puts his hand on the fellow's shoulder and says: "This is a prime example of why you should NEVER revive the afterbirth. Thank you, return to your place." Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 19, 2018 Share Posted October 19, 2018 Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, "Kin ya swallar?" The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks, "Kin ya breathe?" The woman begins to turn blue, and shakes her head no. The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers, and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue. The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm, and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table. His brother said, "Ya know, I'd heerd of that there Hind Lick Maneuver but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!" Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
34theletterbetweenB&D Posted October 19, 2018 Share Posted October 19, 2018 Now that joke comes in a Oz version too, which is how I first heard it. Same general scenario, but it is two cattle drovers who see the woman choking. One of them shouts "I know what to do, just wait a moment" and runs outside, returning with one of his cattle dogs. He pushes the choking woman facedown on a table, lifts her skirt, pulls down her drawers, pours some gravy on her behind and then pushes the dog in to lick her backside. The woman shrieks, expelling the blockage, and everyone is well impressed. "How did you know to do that?" asks his mucker. "Well I heard about this dog hind lick manoeuvre to fix choking on the radio, and have been just gagging for a chance to try it out. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Compound2632 Posted October 20, 2018 RMweb Premium Share Posted October 20, 2018 Sorry, I just had to link the ongoing elephant joke thread (most of which have been around since the invention of the mini) How do you get two elephants in a curricle? One in the seat and one on the box. &c. How do you get two whales in a curricle? Via Gloucester... Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium newbryford Posted October 22, 2018 RMweb Premium Share Posted October 22, 2018 (edited) Another: Edited October 22, 2018 by newbryford 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Titan Posted October 22, 2018 Share Posted October 22, 2018 So, I met this girl recently. Fairly cute and a lot of fun. She likes to dress up and go out. So, that's what we did. We went to a night club and did some dancing. While dancing a slow one. I got motivated to get perhaps a little too forward, and I dropped my hands to caress her nice butt. While I don't remember drinking any alcohol, honestly, I truly got hammered. hammer lady.jpg Did she give you a Thor head? 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Titan Posted October 22, 2018 Share Posted October 22, 2018 Another: image1.jpeg Our teachers at sixth form thought something like this. Me and a friend started building a Mad Max type of go-kart powered by a 250cc motorbike engine for a project. You could see the realisation dawning and the concern rising as it approached completion and then went on to the testing stage. Not sure what speed we got it up to but must of been over 40mph on grass with crap brakes... 4 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gibbo675 Posted October 22, 2018 Share Posted October 22, 2018 (edited) Why do Quantum Physicists send post cards to people they don't know when they are on holiday ? To find out where they have been ! Edit: Or should that be, where they are going ? Edited October 23, 2018 by Gibbo675 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
manna Posted October 23, 2018 Share Posted October 23, 2018 G'day Folks 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Sidecar Racer Posted October 23, 2018 RMweb Premium Share Posted October 23, 2018 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
cromptonnut Posted October 24, 2018 Share Posted October 24, 2018 I've decided to go on the Driver's Diet. Filling the car up with petrol is so expensive, I can't afford to buy food. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
manna Posted October 24, 2018 Share Posted October 24, 2018 G'Day Folks 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium newbryford Posted October 25, 2018 RMweb Premium Share Posted October 25, 2018 A warning for the coming weekend. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
F-UnitMad Posted October 25, 2018 Share Posted October 25, 2018 A warning for the coming weekend. That reminds me. Why is "dyslexic" such a difficult word to spell, & which sadist decided to describe a certain speech defect as a 'lisp' - a word with an 's' in it. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
APOLLO Posted October 25, 2018 Share Posted October 25, 2018 Where is the hilarious button ? Brit15 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Welchester Posted October 25, 2018 RMweb Premium Share Posted October 25, 2018 It's déjà vu all over again. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
cromptonnut Posted October 25, 2018 Share Posted October 25, 2018 I suppose at least there's good news for insomniacs, there's only 3 sleeps till Christmas and 5 till Easter. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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