F-UnitMad Posted May 13, 2018 Share Posted May 13, 2018 I always thought BMW was Bleed*"g Mindless Wa***r Highly apropriate, but with Audi drivers running them a close second, what does that stand for? Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
choo1choo Posted May 13, 2018 Share Posted May 13, 2018 Highly apropriate, but with Audi drivers running them a close second, what does that stand for? Another useless driver inside. 9 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
APOLLO Posted May 13, 2018 Share Posted May 13, 2018 TAROM airline Romania Try Another Route hOMe !! Friend flying with them once did not want his meal, the 20 odd stone stewardess said "EAT IT - there's thousands of starving people down there" !!!! Brit15 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndrewC Posted May 14, 2018 Share Posted May 14, 2018 We always referred to Ford as Found On Road, Dead. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wacol Posted May 14, 2018 Share Posted May 14, 2018 Ford - First On Race Day 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
APOLLO Posted May 14, 2018 Share Posted May 14, 2018 (edited) The FORD is my motorI shall not want, another. It maketh me to lie down in strange places.It anointeth my head with oil.It carries me beside the still waters. It empties my wallet continuously.It leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for His name's sake. Yeah, though I drive through the valley of the shadow of death, (M62 Eastbound, Manchester to Leeds) I will fear no evil; for You are with me; Your piston rods and Your gear change staff, they worry me. You prepare a head gasket failure before me in the presence of my enemies.Thy radiator boileth over. Surely rust and depreciation shall follow me all the days of my life; and I will dwell in this wreck of a FORD foreverAmen Brit15 Edited May 14, 2018 by APOLLO 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
andytrains Posted May 15, 2018 Share Posted May 15, 2018 Dagenham Dustbins comes to mind. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthBrit Posted May 16, 2018 Share Posted May 16, 2018 I am devastated. My friend, Gav has died of heartburn. I cannot believe Gavisgone. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckymucklebackit Posted May 17, 2018 Share Posted May 17, 2018 I am devastated. My friend, Gav has died of heartburn. I cannot believe Gavisgone. Hope they got the wee Fireman out in time! 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mike Storey Posted May 17, 2018 Share Posted May 17, 2018 (edited) Hope they got the wee Fireman out in time! They do a fireman for wee?? I guess you might need him after several pints of 80/-.....? Edited May 17, 2018 by Mike Storey Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Titan Posted May 17, 2018 Share Posted May 17, 2018 They do a fireman for wee?? I guess you might need him after several pints of 80/-.....? Could be worse, might be the wee police! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stanley Melrose Posted May 17, 2018 Share Posted May 17, 2018 Headline in the Liverpool Echo many years ago: NO WATER SO FIREMEN IMPROVISED Stan Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stanley Melrose Posted May 18, 2018 Share Posted May 18, 2018 From the same newspaper: DOCTORS COMPLAIN: LACK OF OPENINGS FOR YOUNG MEN Stan Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Coryton Posted May 18, 2018 RMweb Premium Share Posted May 18, 2018 Headline in the Liverpool Echo many years ago: NO WATER SO FIREMEN IMPROVISED Stan I thought that was from the Lilliput Times. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
APOLLO Posted May 18, 2018 Share Posted May 18, 2018 A guy receives an ad in the mail for a golf resort where everything costs one dollar. He jumps at the offer and heads off for a weekend of fun in the sun. He arrives and plays a round of golf. It cost him a dollar. When he goes for dinner that evening, it costs him another dollar. His room is only a dollar a day ! The day before he's to check out, he heads out to play a last round and stops by the pro shop and charges a sleeve of three balls to his room. When he's checking out next morning, he looks at the bill and sees: Golf: $1.00 Dinner: $1.00 Room: $1.00. Sleeve of golf balls: $3,000.00 He asks the Manager, "What is this all about ? Everything is supposed to cost one dollar, and you charged me three thousand for three golf balls?" "I'm sorry, sir, said the manager, but you didn't read the fine print in our promotional brochure. That's what our golf balls cost." "Well, said the man, If I wanted to spend that kind of money, I could've gone to that luxury hotel across the street and paid them a thousand dollars a day for a room. At least I would've known what I was paying for !" "That's right, sir, you could have," said the manager. "Over there they get you by the room. Over here we get you by the balls !" Brit15 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Jamiel Posted May 18, 2018 RMweb Premium Share Posted May 18, 2018 I don't know what all the fuss about Megan Markle's father not being at the Royal Wedding, it isn't as if Harry's father is going to be there either! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
APOLLO Posted May 18, 2018 Share Posted May 18, 2018 Smartly dressed for a milkman !! Brit15 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
F-UnitMad Posted May 19, 2018 Share Posted May 19, 2018 I don't know what all the fuss about Megan Markle's father not being at the Royal Wedding, it isn't as if Harry's father is going to be there either! I predict an RMweb member taking residency in the Tower of London soon. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Jamiel Posted May 19, 2018 RMweb Premium Share Posted May 19, 2018 (edited) I predict an RMweb member taking residency in the Tower of London soon. Don't worry I'm already on my way there after pointing out in the Dapol/Airfix tanker thread that 2p coins fit perfectly to weight them in the tank, and that you can drill through them to mount them in. Apparently defacing the Queen's image is also an offense. Still, The Tower is a nice big building, must have some nice loft space for a layout, must keep the ravens from pulling out the wiring though. Edited May 19, 2018 by Jamiel 4 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Compound2632 Posted May 19, 2018 RMweb Premium Share Posted May 19, 2018 Don't worry I'm already on my way there afterointing out in the Dapol/Airfix tanker thread that 2p coins fit perfectly to weight them in the tank, and that you can drill through them to mount them in. Apparently defacign teh Queen's image is also an offense. Drill through from the reverse. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
steve1 Posted May 19, 2018 Share Posted May 19, 2018 “Don't worry, darling," the girlfriend said to me, "size doesn't matter."All our wallpaper fell off... steve 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold BoD Posted May 19, 2018 RMweb Gold Share Posted May 19, 2018 I don't know what all the fuss about Megan Markle's father not being at the Royal Wedding, it isn't as if Harry's father is going to be there either! To be honest, they look so unlike each other in that photo you begin to wonder. 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
E3109 Posted May 19, 2018 Share Posted May 19, 2018 Did you hear about the Chinese Lookalike Competition? Everybody won. Before anyone accuses me of racism, I'd like to point out that my bird is Khmer/Vietnamese and pissed herself at that lol Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
manna Posted May 21, 2018 Share Posted May 21, 2018 G'Day Folks my bird is Khmer/Vietnamese and pissed herself at that lol Don't know that one, what's the plumage like !!! manna Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Oldddudders Posted May 21, 2018 RMweb Gold Share Posted May 21, 2018 Despite my regular attempts to inject a little humour into regular threads - not to universal approval, natch - I have almost never posted on here, so risk my joke being well-known and hackneyed among the humourists, but here we go, anyway. A little boy is growing up fast, and has realised that mummy is a rather different shape from daddy. So one day he asks daddy what are those big things are on mummy’s chest? Daddy is a bit stumped as to how to explain to one so young, but grasps the nettle thus: “Well, son, those are mummy’s balloons. When mummy gets very old and dies, her balloons will inflate, and she will float up to heaven to be with God.” Naturally the little lad is entirely satisfied with this and all is well. Until Sunday morning a few weeks later, when daddy is right down the bottom of the garden, digging away in the veg patch, and the little boy comes running to see him. “Daddy, daddy! I think mummy’s dying!” Unperturbed, daddy asks “Why do you think that, son?” “Well, the milkman’s blowing up her balloons - and she’s saying ‘Oh, God - I’m coming!’” Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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