RMweb Premium Chris116 Posted December 12, 2017 RMweb Premium Share Posted December 12, 2017 (edited) Being so light the Reliant three wheelers could reach a good turn of speed, eventually. One was stopped on the M11 a few years back doing 100mph, the driver said he was to scared to use the brakes. That could have been me! But I would not have been scared to use the brakes, just in a hurry to get home as I was going to Brafield the following day for another Stock Car meeting. I was stopped on the M11 on my way back from a Long Eaton Stock Car meeting and told I was doing 102mph. Policeman said he would get laughed out of court if he nicked me. Then told me not to let him catch me again! I just stopped myself from asking how fast I had to do to ensure he could not catch me. Edited December 12, 2017 by Chris116 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Alex TM Posted December 12, 2017 RMweb Premium Share Posted December 12, 2017 Hi again, A former colleague of mine was stopped by the traffic police, who claimed he was doing 110mph; he retorted that he could not have done so as his car was only capable of around 100. 'Fine' said the officer, '100' it is! It certainly wiped the smug grin off my colleague's face. Regards, Alex. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Coryton Posted December 12, 2017 RMweb Premium Share Posted December 12, 2017 Why don’t Southern Rail train guards share advent calendars? They want to open the doors themselves Though to be pedantic before DOO/DCO they didn't open the doors either...just closed them. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mike Storey Posted December 12, 2017 Share Posted December 12, 2017 Yes, it's that time.... How does Santa know which chimneys he has already been down? He keeps a log. Why were Donner and Blitzen left on the shelves last Christmas? They were just two deer. Boom-Boom!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium PhilJ W Posted December 12, 2017 RMweb Premium Share Posted December 12, 2017 I see some have been at the Christmas crackers already. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liam Posted December 12, 2017 Share Posted December 12, 2017 (edited) I see some have been at the Christmas crackers already.They'll have to be careful though, otherwise what's going to be eaten with all that cheese and chutney on Christmas Day? Edited February 4, 2018 by SVRlad Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium BR60103 Posted December 13, 2017 RMweb Premium Share Posted December 13, 2017 THE MODERN BRIDE-TO-BE'SLETTER TO DAD ANNOUNCING HER ENGAGEMENT Dearest Dad, I am coming home to get married soon, so get your check book out. I'm in love with a boy who is far away from me.As you know, I am in Australia ... and he lives in Scotland. We met on a dating website, became friends on Facebook, had long chats on WhatsApp. He proposed to me on Skype, and now we've had two months of a relationship through Viber.My beloved and favorite Dad, I need your blessing, good wishes, and a really big wedding.Lots of love and thanks, Your favorite daughter, Lilly THE RESPONSEMy Dear Lilly,Like Wow! Really? Cool! Whatever ... I suggest you two get married on Twitter, have fun on Tango, buy your kids on Amazon, and pay for it all through PayPal. And when you get fed up with this new husband, sell him on eBay. Love, Your Dad 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Joseph_Pestell Posted December 13, 2017 RMweb Gold Share Posted December 13, 2017 (edited) Why are butchers such poor comedians? They tell offal jokes. (Just cooking some liver for the dog) Edited December 13, 2017 by Joseph_Pestell Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold BoD Posted December 13, 2017 RMweb Gold Share Posted December 13, 2017 So you're a butcher then Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Colin_McLeod Posted December 13, 2017 Author RMweb Gold Share Posted December 13, 2017 From Facebook 6 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
EHertsGER Posted December 14, 2017 Share Posted December 14, 2017 Quite the opposite: At least BMWs are having automatically flashing head lights once they get to be within 5 cm of the stern of your car!On a (slightly) serious note: how long will it be before these self-driving cars we are all supposed to have soon are fitted with a ‘get out of my way you plebs’ circuit that is activated by the likes of the BMWs of this world. I can see it coming...for your security/safety, of course... I’ll stick to my ageing motorbikes... Best, Marcus 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Alex TM Posted December 14, 2017 RMweb Premium Share Posted December 14, 2017 Hi again, Will these new self-driving cars have cyclist detecting radar (or is that only required in Edinburgh)? Regards, Alex. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckymucklebackit Posted December 14, 2017 Share Posted December 14, 2017 Hi again, Will these new self-driving cars have cyclist detecting radar (or is that only required in Edinburgh)? Regards, Alex. Targeting or Avoidance? 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Alex TM Posted December 14, 2017 RMweb Premium Share Posted December 14, 2017 Depends on the cyclist! 3 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
APOLLO Posted December 14, 2017 Share Posted December 14, 2017 Briit15 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
peanuts Posted December 14, 2017 Share Posted December 14, 2017 Apple Computers announced today that it has developed a computer chip that can store and play high-fidelity music in women's breast implants.The " iTit" will cost between £499.00 and £699.00, depending on speaker size.This is considered to be a major breakthrough because women have always complained about men staring at their tits and not listening to them. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
APOLLO Posted December 15, 2017 Share Posted December 15, 2017 Brit15 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
peanuts Posted December 16, 2017 Share Posted December 16, 2017 Satan asks can all the Dyslexic kids please stop sending him their christmas lists Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
sp1 Posted December 16, 2017 Share Posted December 16, 2017 Satan asks can all the Dyslexic kids please stop sending him their christmas listsThat reminds me of the dyslexic devil worshippers praying to Santa....... Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tony Davis Posted December 16, 2017 Share Posted December 16, 2017 That reminds me of the dyslexic devil worshippers praying to Santa....... the devil manifests to them in the form of a coat...... Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
allan downes Posted December 16, 2017 Share Posted December 16, 2017 Seen on a gravestone. 'Here lies me hit by a truck. Follow me on Facebook' 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Titan Posted December 16, 2017 Share Posted December 16, 2017 the devil manifests to them in the form of a coat...... I think you meant toga... Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
peanuts Posted December 17, 2017 Share Posted December 17, 2017 (edited) 1. Teaching Maths In 1970 Edited December 17, 2017 by Andy Y Racist right-wing rubbish removed. You couldn't even type it out yourself, I could tell because it had capitals and punctuation. 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
F-UnitMad Posted December 17, 2017 Share Posted December 17, 2017 1. Teaching Maths In 1970 That's "funny" for Andy's editing comments, not whatever the 'joke' was supposed to be.... Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Taz Posted December 17, 2017 RMweb Gold Share Posted December 17, 2017 (edited) I have had enough!!!! We'll never help anyone again......EVER!! I'm too kindhearted, or I'm too stupid.... Yesterday it was so cold out that we took a man into our home out of the kindness of our heart. I felt so sorry for him. Poor thing was trembling out in the cold, but this morning he had just vanished. Not a word...not even a goodbye or a thank you for sheltering him!! The last straw?!?! When I realized he had peed all over the living room floor!!! That's the thank you I get for being good to people?!?!?! Now I'm going to warn my friends to watch out for this man! He is heavy set, wearing nothing but a scarf, he has a nose that looks like a carrot, two black eyes, and his arms are so skinny they look like sticks!!! Don't bring him into your house!! What a huge mess he made on the floor. Edited December 17, 2017 by Taz Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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