NorthBrit Posted August 9, 2017 Share Posted August 9, 2017 The wife saw the half bottle of wine -- "Are you a secret drinker?" she asked. "No darling. You just haven't seen me drinking." Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Ian J. Posted August 9, 2017 RMweb Premium Share Posted August 9, 2017 What do you call a stick of deep fried pototo shaped like a car? . . . . . . A chipolada... (I thank you. Here all week! ) Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
peanuts Posted August 12, 2017 Share Posted August 12, 2017 struggling trying to write the punch line for a joke about eyes but every time i think i have it realise it needs to be cornea Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthBrit Posted August 12, 2017 Share Posted August 12, 2017 BREAKING NEWS A man who took an Airline company to court after his luggage went missing has lost his case. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RJS1977 Posted August 12, 2017 Share Posted August 12, 2017 BREAKING NEWS A man who took an Airline company to court after his luggage went missing has lost his case. I could imagine that as a headline on the Two Ronnies! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Dagworth Posted August 12, 2017 RMweb Gold Share Posted August 12, 2017 BREAKING NEWS A man who took an Airline company to court after his luggage went missing has lost his case. I took a fabric conditioner company to court and lost... I fought Lenor and Lenor won! Andi Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Enterprisingwestern Posted August 12, 2017 RMweb Gold Share Posted August 12, 2017 I took a North Eastern district council to court. I fought Pelaw and Pelaw won. Mike. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Ian J. Posted August 13, 2017 RMweb Premium Share Posted August 13, 2017 (edited) I banged my head on the bit of wood inside the frame and didn't do any damage to the wood at all... I fought the door and the door won. Edited August 13, 2017 by Ian J. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
45568 Posted August 13, 2017 Share Posted August 13, 2017 He fought the door and the door won. Back in the late 1970s, Hank Williams Jnr. had a minor hit in Australia with this song. A group of 5 or 6 of us young blades used to go to the 'Boomerang' pub for lunchtime beers and a few games of pool. The door to the public bar had a very strong spring on it to close the door and keep in the 'aircon' on hot days. One day we were gathered about the table, sipping from our ice-cold middies of Swan, when a little old bloke struggled in through the door, having had trouble opening it, then stood in the doorway. As was its wont, the door closed hard and fast, catapulting the poor sod into the room, over a chair then to the floor. I said the phrase above, and was immediately treated to a Swan shower as the two colleagues either side of me lost it into their middies! Cheers from Oz, Peter C. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold BoD Posted August 13, 2017 RMweb Gold Share Posted August 13, 2017 BREAKING NEWS A man who took an Airline company to court after his luggage went missing has lost his case. He was only in court for five minutes. It was a briefcase. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Enterprisingwestern Posted August 13, 2017 RMweb Gold Share Posted August 13, 2017 I took President Roosevelt to court. I fought Theodore and Theodore won. Mike Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RJS1977 Posted August 13, 2017 Share Posted August 13, 2017 Or the person who tried taking a former European Commission President to court: I fought Delors and Delors won... Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liam Posted August 13, 2017 Share Posted August 13, 2017 I took a North Eastern district council to court. I fought Pelaw and Pelaw won. Mike. I took President Roosevelt to court. I fought Theodore and Theodore won. Mike Or the person who tried taking a former European Commission President to court: I fought Delors and Delors won... ENOUGHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! *buries head in hands* Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium kevinlms Posted August 13, 2017 RMweb Premium Share Posted August 13, 2017 He was only in court for five minutes. It was a briefcase. It suitcase(d) him to try the brief! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
EHertsGER Posted August 13, 2017 Share Posted August 13, 2017 It suitcase(d) him to try the brief! Here come the 'Y' front jokes... 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
F-UnitMad Posted August 13, 2017 Share Posted August 13, 2017 I could imagine that as a headline on the Two Ronnies! It probably was... Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium PhilJ W Posted August 13, 2017 RMweb Premium Share Posted August 13, 2017 Here come the 'Y' front jokes... Why? 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark Dickerson Posted August 13, 2017 Share Posted August 13, 2017 I took President Roosevelt to court. I fought Theodore and Theodore won. Mike Franklin, my dear, we don't give a dam(n). I have a problem with adverts. Now, I admit the one with the nice lady dancing around the Chicken Madras (Chicken Madras) was diverting and confusing and in *no way* attractive, but I'm having problems with the Heinz Ketchup one with the sausage dogs. What are they suggesting? Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium kevinlms Posted August 13, 2017 RMweb Premium Share Posted August 13, 2017 He was only in court for five minutes. It was a briefcase. Lend him a ladder Then he can take it to a higher court! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Jamiel Posted August 15, 2017 RMweb Premium Share Posted August 15, 2017 I have translated the entire text of a French Driving Examination for you: "Good day. Tell me how arrogant you are.""That question is beneath me.""Here is your licence."(with apologies to my French friends). Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium PhilJ W Posted August 15, 2017 RMweb Premium Share Posted August 15, 2017 Fingers ready at the GROAN button please. A piece of string walked into a bar and asked for a pint. The barman said "Sorry but we don't serve string in here." So the piece of string went outside twisted himself up and roughened up his ends. He then went back into the bar where the barman asked "Haven't I seen you before?" to which he replyed "No, I'm a frayed knot." 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Stubby47 Posted August 15, 2017 RMweb Gold Share Posted August 15, 2017 I have translated the entire text of the Italian Driving Examination for you: "Good day. Can you tell me where the..."LOUD BLARING NOISE"Here is your licence." (with apologies to any Italians). Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold BoD Posted August 15, 2017 RMweb Gold Share Posted August 15, 2017 I have translated the entire text of the (insert nation of your choice) driving test for you: Blaw in tae this bag. Yer've failed Jimmy. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckymucklebackit Posted August 15, 2017 Share Posted August 15, 2017 I have translated the entire text of the (insert nation of your choice) driving test for you: Blaw in tae this bag. Yer've failed Jimmy. Yer've failed Jimmy, but only because we have a tighter limit than they drunken English FTFY Jim Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold BoD Posted August 15, 2017 RMweb Gold Share Posted August 15, 2017 Yer've failed Jimmy, but only because we have a tighter limit than they drunken English FTFY Jim I was very careful not to mention any particular nation. . Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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