peanuts Posted March 2, 2017 Share Posted March 2, 2017 Don't tell anyone, but there is a special Hardon piledriver hidden in the cock tower in Westminster where morons are fired at pillocks in the hope of finding the ultimate idiot or dolt. 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Chris116 Posted March 2, 2017 RMweb Premium Share Posted March 2, 2017 I thought this was supposed to be a jokes thread not true life exposed! 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium ColinK Posted March 2, 2017 RMweb Premium Share Posted March 2, 2017 As part of its move to independance, the Scottish Govt plans to convert its railways to broad gauge. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
pH Posted March 2, 2017 Share Posted March 2, 2017 As part of its move to independance, the Scottish Govt plans to convert its railways to broad gauge. False news! Scotch (sic) gauge is 4ft 6in. - https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/4_ft_6_in_gauge_railway Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Al51 Posted March 2, 2017 RMweb Premium Share Posted March 2, 2017 As part of its move to independance, the Scottish Govt plans to convert its railways to broad gauge. Narrow gauge more likely, to save money with shorter sleepers! Al Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
BG John Posted March 2, 2017 Share Posted March 2, 2017 As part of its move to independance, the Scottish Govt plans to convert its railways to broad gauge. False news! Scotch (sic) gauge is 4ft 6in. - https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/4_ft_6_in_gauge_railway It's still broad compared to OO gauge . Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stanley Melrose Posted March 2, 2017 Share Posted March 2, 2017 Narrow gauge more likely, to save money with shorter sleepers! Al 4ft 0.6"? Stan 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium ColinK Posted March 2, 2017 RMweb Premium Share Posted March 2, 2017 If Scotland changed to 4ft 1inch, then 00 gauge would be spot on, no need for EM or P4. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
BG John Posted March 2, 2017 Share Posted March 2, 2017 If Scotland changed to 4ft 1inch, then 00 gauge would be spot on, no need for EM or P4. If you model 21st century Scottish railways! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium kevinlms Posted March 2, 2017 RMweb Premium Share Posted March 2, 2017 False news! Scotch (sic) gauge is 4ft 6in. - https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/4_ft_6_in_gauge_railway At least they abolished their odd ball gauge, long before a certain other well known railway did so. In fact, Brunel's gauge wasn't phased out of usage until 1913, not 21 years earlier as usually quoted. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Broad_gauge 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
BG John Posted March 3, 2017 Share Posted March 3, 2017 At least they abolished their odd ball gauge, long before a certain other well known railway did so. In fact, Brunel's gauge wasn't phased out of usage until 1913, not 21 years earlier as usually quoted. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Broad_gauge And if that "certain other well known railway" had abolished it much earlier, it would have robbed us of an opportunity to model a more interesting subject than just buying stuff in red or blue boxes, and plonking it on some Peco track . 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
peanuts Posted March 3, 2017 Share Posted March 3, 2017 During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, "How do you determine whether or not an older person should be put in an old age home?" "Well," he said, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the person to empty the bathtub." "Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the bucket because it is bigger than the spoon or the teacup.." "No" he said. "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?" 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
peanuts Posted March 3, 2017 Share Posted March 3, 2017 An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer — you're in the wrong place." So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they've got air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is becoming a pretty popular guy. One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and asks with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?" Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next." God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake — he should never have gotten down there; send him up here." Satan says, "No way! I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him." God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue." Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer? 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
EHertsGER Posted March 4, 2017 Share Posted March 4, 2017 A man sees a sign outside a house - 'Talking Dog For Sale.' He rings the bell, the owner appears and tells him the dog can be viewed in the back garden. The man sees a very nice looking Labrador Retriever sitting there. "Do you really talk?" he asks the dog. "Yes," the Labrador replies. After recovering from the shock of hearing the dog talk, he man asks, "So, tell me your story." The Labrador looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the SAS. "In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one imagined that a dog would be eavesdropping. "I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at Heathrow to do some undercover security work, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded several medals. I got married, had a few puppies, and now I've just retired." The man is amazed. He goes back into the house and asks the owner how much he wants for the dog. "Ten quid," the owner says. "£10!!? But this dog is absolutely amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheaply?" "Because he's a lying bastard. He's never been out of the garden!!. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RJS1977 Posted March 4, 2017 Share Posted March 4, 2017 At least they abolished their odd ball gauge, long before a certain other well known railway did so. In fact, Brunel's gauge wasn't phased out of usage until 1913, not 21 years earlier as usually quoted. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Broad_gauge There may have even been a stretch of 7' 1/4" in use up to the turn of the Millennium. When I first moved to Reading in the late 90s, the Environment Agency had a large warehouse-type building just west of Reading Bridge. Behind it was a stretch of track with a travelling crane on it. One day, whilst browsing through some old magazines, I spotted a letter where the writer alleged that although the crane was marked "Gauge: 7 feet", he had measured the track and found the gauge was in fact 7' 0 1/4", and speculated whether this was the remains of some hitherto undocumented GWR siding. So when I next had opportunity, I headed up the Thames Path armed with a tape measure..... to find the crane and warehouse all gone, and a shiny new office block under construction :-( Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluebottle Posted March 5, 2017 Share Posted March 5, 2017 A man sees a sign outside a house - 'Talking Dog For Sale.' ............. .............. he's a lying bastard. He's never been out of the garden!!. Well, he was somewhere in the backwoods of Montana when Tom D posted the joke about a year ago! 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Happy Hippo Posted March 5, 2017 RMweb Gold Share Posted March 5, 2017 There may have even been a stretch of 7' 1/4" in use up to the turn of the Millennium. When I first moved to Reading in the late 90s, the Environment Agency had a large warehouse-type building just west of Reading Bridge. Behind it was a stretch of track with a travelling crane on it. One day, whilst browsing through some old magazines, I spotted a letter where the writer alleged that although the crane was marked "Gauge: 7 feet", he had measured the track and found the gauge was in fact 7' 0 1/4", and speculated whether this was the remains of some hitherto undocumented GWR siding. So when I next had opportunity, I headed up the Thames Path armed with a tape measure..... to find the crane and warehouse all gone, and a shiny new office block under construction :-( There is certainly a stretch of broad gauge track still in use at Didcot. 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RJS1977 Posted March 5, 2017 Share Posted March 5, 2017 There is certainly a stretch of broad gauge track still in use at Didcot. Not in use at the moment, as Firefly and Iron Duke are both out of ticket - and apparently some way down the overhaul queue. Just a thought - if Iron Duke had been built to Scottish Gauge, would it have been "Irn Duk"? Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
cromptonnut Posted March 5, 2017 Share Posted March 5, 2017 I've recently joined the local amateur dramatics society. I've got a small part in their next show, called "Bad at colouring". I'm just going over the lines now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
jcm@gwr Posted March 5, 2017 Share Posted March 5, 2017 Not in use at the moment, as Firefly and Iron Duke are both out of ticket - and apparently some way down the overhaul queue. Just a thought - if Iron Duke had been built to Scottish Gauge, would it have been "Irn Duk"? or Irn Bru! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium kevinlms Posted March 6, 2017 RMweb Premium Share Posted March 6, 2017 There is certainly a stretch of broad gauge track still in use at Didcot. But isn't that a recreation, rather than something still in existence? Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Sidecar Racer Posted March 6, 2017 RMweb Premium Share Posted March 6, 2017 Sunset of the Empire. In the great days of the British Empire, a new commanding officer was sent to a South African bush outpost to relieve the retiring colonel. After welcoming his replacement and showing the usual courtesies (gin and tonic, cucumber sandwiches, etc.) which protocol decrees, the retiring colonel said, "You must meet my Adjutant, Captain Smithers, he's my right-hand man and is really the strength of this office. His talent is simply boundless." Smithers was summoned and introduced to the new CO, who was surprised to meet a hunchback, one eyed, toothless, hairless, scabbed and pockmarked specimen of humanity, a particularly unattractive man less than three feet tall. "Smithers, old man, tell your new CO about yourself." ''Well, sir, I graduated with honours from Sandhurst, joined the regiment and won the Military Cross and Bar after three expeditions behind enemy lines. I've represented Great Britain in equestrian events and won a Silver Medal in the middleweight division of the Olympics. I have researched the history of . . ." At that point, the colonel interrupted, "Yes, yes, never mind all that Smithers, he can find all that in your file. Tell him about the day you told the witch doctor to *uck off." Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
choo1choo Posted March 7, 2017 Share Posted March 7, 2017 Not in use at the moment, as Firefly and Iron Duke are both out of ticket - and apparently some way down the overhaul queue. Just a thought - if Iron Duke had been built to Scottish Gauge, would it have been "Irn Duk"? No,definitely Irn Bru. 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckymucklebackit Posted March 8, 2017 Share Posted March 8, 2017 If Scotland changed to 4ft 1inch, then 00 gauge would be spot on, no need for EM or P4. Model the Glasgow Underground, it is 4ft so only 1" out!! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold BobM Posted March 8, 2017 RMweb Gold Share Posted March 8, 2017 Did you know that unsettled weather disturbs the breeding patterns of owls? Apparently because under such conditions....... it is.......... ' too wet to woo' ! Regards Bob Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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